Well I had another blow out day yesterday, which was my full day off from work. I say that because I seem to struggle when I have time that is not filled with something.
Tuesdays (day off) I will often go to the movies in the morning - I love being there when the theatre is empty and I go Gold Class with big comfy recliners and food and drink deliveries. Its a bit pricey but I rarely go out, I don't drink or smoke any more so I like it as a treat.
But after Monday's chocolates and chips bonanza I popped some of my own special trail mix, a nice bowl, a bottle of sparkling mineral water, a glass in my bag and set myself up with my nice low cal snacks instead of the usual (delicious) nachos I would order. I went to see Trainwreck with Amy Schumer - very funny and I could identify with a lot of it
Was feeling good about my food choices but somewhere along the way in the day it all went south and I ended up with chocolate and chips again and blew through the whole lot. As someone else said in a recent post I could just feel the switch get flicked and I didn't care anymore.
I don't like this happening without understanding why but I am kind of starting to think its a whole lot of things.
- trying to deprive myself back into being good by not enjoying a little treat at the movies
- having a whole day off with no real plan so I turn to eating when I am bored
- not getting my food sorted for the next few days because I had a day off and thought "I'll do it later"
- maybe not exercising first thing sets me up for a bad day - that seems to be a pattern
- how do I have just a little without having a lot - I know some people here can keep a block of dark chocolate and have a square of two two a day but for me thats just unrealistic right now as I don't have the willpower (yet) to stop
Today I start work at 4:00 and have already done a stack of exercise and gardening and at midday am already at 8500 steps! And I know I will have a healthy eating day.
But why? What is the difference.
Grrrr!
I suppose in the end I just have to accept that I am trying to make a massive change in my life and it can't happen over night.
I titled this post "Its all just too complicated!!!' but after doing this little bit of writing it occurs to me that what I am finding hard is that I am fighting myself about losing weight.
That maybe I am being too aggressive at myself - yelling at Bert, pushing myself up hills yelling "Do it, do it, DO IT!!" in my mind, constantly pushing myself to do more exercise and being dissatisfied when I am not, stressing because I have not prepped food for the next 3 days, scolding myself for bad food choices, saying I have shrugged off a big blow out of eating when in the back of my head the berating and head-shaking continues...
Could it be that I need to be less of a drill sergeant and more of a cheerleader?
I suppose after all this time of negative thoughts and critical self analysis I am kind of floundering when it comes to being a friend and not a foe to myself.
Maybe this new realisation will some how let me be kinder and more forgiving and more caring about myself - maybe I can start being my own best friend instead of someone who is forever waggling their finger in disapproval at what I do.
I have to say just writing this post has helped to reduce the noise in my head and made me relax a whole bunch about things in general.
Have a great day and be good to yourself.
After all - its the only you that you have
Written by
Dave1961
25kg
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Morning Dave. Relax while I rant. The business model for most cinema chains depends on them retailing high margin, heavily processed snacks designed to appeal to teenagers - the biggest audience for films . The retailing is ruthless, the food is displayed right in front of you and they also use smell and different kinds of advertisements to push sales.
I am still working on this one but thought, after a lapse last week , that I would not go at all for a few weeks to break the pattern and then change the time of day I go - may be go straight after a delicious lunch or early evening meal and yes like you I would take my own drinks. That is a good idea.
TBH the reason I have gotten into the habit of going in the morning is if I go in the afternoon or evening I often drift off to sleep in those big comfy chairs lol
I can relate in part to what you are saying Dave. I am at present having a weeks annual leav, not going away, just not going to work and I am really struggling with controlling my eating. I am constantly thinking about what I can eat next. I know I am a 'bored' eater and this is always bad when I am at home on my own. Strange as it may sound I am almost looking forward to getting back to work next week and getting that safe structure back into my days. Makes me cross with myself because while I should be enjoying my time off, relaxing and enjoying my free time all I am doing is stressing out about food and what damage I am doing to my weight loss programme. 😨
Its weird isn't it? I was talking to a friend of mine this morning who also struggles a bit with her weight but is not nearly as consumed by it as I am and we both have this problem of being bored equaling thinking about food.
Looks like I have a new project to find out why we do it! Cause really how does not being distracted or active seem to equal I want food?
Thanks Jo thats really nice of you and I do know that people think well of me round here - I guess like most people who have grown up fat and bullied we become our own worst critics. It'll change and now that I am not suffering with depression or drinking and can be more in the moment I know I can move the internal needle to a more positive perspective
Thanks for the cheersquad LOL Pictures in a cheer uniform are required!
You have done and are doing so well. You have made so many changes and 95 to 99 % of the time you are beating Bert. Bert is getting beaten, you are amazing.
Cue cheerleaders!
Can I suggest that you have up to 100 fewer calories each work day and save up the calories for your days off. So you could have some chocolate or whatever at the cinema. Also I know you can't open chocolate but not eat it all. How about buying a small bar.Small Kit kat here are only about 100 calories.
You can plan it in and you can still have it. It may shut Bert up if you are allowed a small something as part of your cinema treat.
Have you tried making your own popcorn? It is a healthy filling snack so long as you don't smother it with sugar!
Have a big bag with you will fulfil that automatic feeding mechanism in the cinema without damage if you plan it in!.
The popcorn idea is a definite goer - something different to take to the movies.
I have tried the smaller block of choc idea and I just end up wanting more - I did it a couple weeks ago and after an hour of internal struggle went and got more because I felt deprived.
It'll just take some time to develop my self regulating willpower. As long as it is happening less often I am moving in the right direction.
If I average it out I have had a snap 3 times in 6 weeks or an average of once every 2 weeks versus once every 2 days before I started so it's not really that bigger deal I guess.
But I am sure you can tell from my posts I expect a lot of myself because this time seems to be so much better than any other attempt. Like I said - need to back off be a little nicer to me
I wonder whether switching cinema for a bit might help you. Even if you don't eat any of the junk at the time when you are your old one, you are used to it in this particular environment and thus it is effort not to. If you go to a new cinema you are not used to, it might be easier to not GET used to eat junk there. Also you could maybe get some extra walking in if the other cinema is in a different direction...
Its not a bad idea at all. Even though I had already resolved to just have my trail mix and sparkling water I WAS still missing a little treat because I am so used to it - I'll try it!
Hi Dave, we sometimes need to remind ourselves that cravings are bioligical and not about will power. When we trigger the pleasure part of our brain it cannot be turn off until it is satistified. It is like hunger, it will only go away until we can assure it that we are full. It is that drive to satisfy that make us all fall on our faces.
Keep on going, we are cheering you on.
I think being kind to yourself is absolutely key. But there are lots of different ways to do this and we have to master them all. Listening to your body while exercising is one, being patient when you see no change on the scales is another. With food it's a myriad of things. The prep time to get healthy meal ingredients ready in advance. Buying better quality choc, rather than cheap, easily disposable cravey stuff. Allowing certain treats and learning to plan ahead for them, for when you will need them most. Reminding yourself of the overall picture so you don't fall completely off the wagon after the first slip up. Lastly, there's re-educating yourself about what relaxing on a day off actually means. It doesn't mean 100% leisure time anymore. You have steps to walk, salads to prep, and cooking classes to research. Lots of luck working this all out. We're all trying to find the balance too!
Its so true isn't it - when treat this as a lifestyle change and not just a diet it requires commitment and patience. And the more I look at it the more I can see that choosing to delay my exercise when I had the perfect opportunity to get my exercise done in the morning - beautiful sunny day, plenty of time before the movie....I think that procrastination kind of set my mind up to continue the cycle.
Procrastination is just not doing stuff. Once you start doing things, your mindset shifts and you're immediately in a better position to make conscious rather than subconscious choices. Just need to get started
Everyone has the occassional tough day or 'slip-up' as they say, but the important thing is to not let it affect the rest of your week or bring you down. You can do this!
Like you, I often wonder when to 'cheer' myself on or when to be stricter if I'm just being lazy, and I think it's important to find the right mix and what works for you.
I think I tend to lean towards a more rational cheerleader as I respond better to my inner voice's words of encouragement. For instance this morning when debating whether to go for a run later, I could have been shouting at myself, forcing myself to get out of bed now, but instead I have decided to be fair with myself and allow myself a little lie in and go for a run later, but with the promise to myself that I will actually go & try my hardest whilst running. If I have a little crisis of faith, my inner cheerleader reminds me that I don't really need 5 blocks out of a chocolate bar, and If I really want a treat, why not have some fruit with a little dollop of fat free Greek yoghurt instead.
So it's all about finding what you respond best to in certain situations and go with that
Hope the rest of the week is good for you & good luck!
Thanks and it really helps to heart others struggle as well
It was only this morning when in my head I was thinking "Hmmm I could have that yoghurt now and then tonight I could do blah to swap calories for blah so I ..." - a whole justification for something that was so minor.
I decided I had to do the "Justification Dance" every time I caught myself trying to justify some ratty behaviour so I could burn off some calories - it involves a lot of butt shaking for some reason and is very similar to the "I told you so" dance
Hi Dave! Hope you are good and forgiving yourself for the ambush! I think you are just experiencing what a lot of us notice is that when life has a structure we can use it to make choices we know are beneficial for us and when we pop out of that structure - days off, days on, holidays, business trips etc. thats when we flounder.
I think I'm probably the opposite- it was on exceptions I started making more conscious choices - gym, drink, sleep, food, etc. When I'm working working working I rely too much on bad habits. For me its planning and building a structure. Thats why I have big problems round physical challenges- bike rides for example.
You've spotted it. Learned from it. Insanity would be doing it al again and expecting the same result!
I think you hit then nail on the head when you write about being kind to yourself. Part of this process I think is to develop greater levels of self compassion, which doesn't mean using calories for a substitute, its about using compassion for its own sake.
Oh Dave, you're only human and you've made huge strides in changing how you eat and your activity levels. Be kind to yourself, pull on the reins and just move on. You are so lovely and non judgemental with everyone else so give yourself the same treatment.
I had a HORRENDOUS eating day yesterday!! Got up intending to have poached eggs on granary toast and found myself with stroopwaffels and hot chocolate with squirty cream and it went on BUT today is a new day (yes I feel like I have a hangover) but it will pass and am just going to keep on keeping on and you should do the same - celebrate the positives and log the negatives and keep posting
I am really sorry but "Got up intending to have poached eggs on granary toast and found myself with stroopwaffels and hot chocolate with squirty cream and it went on" made me laugh my bum off cause it just haopopens that way.
We get in this food frenzy and halfway through kind of look up with those glazed food eyes and say to ourselves "How the **** did THAT happen?"
Hi Dave your not alone in your cravings and after six weeks and fighting the week three terrors I too have had a couple of slip ups. I think as you said in a previous post we revert to our old mind set and how easy it is to just give in to those voices that say" just eat it will be ok" well it might have been ok a few weeks ago when I didn't really care about myself but not now! A new me has been developing more every week, a person with a stronger mind set and determination who can overcome the voices ( eventually ) but they are a reminder of my old life and after a slip I pick myself up and feel stronger, I no longer want to be the person I was so I'm looking at my slip ups in a more positive way there just a reminder now 😉
I love your positivity its so infectious.You're right. These days I react quite differently to these kind of slips.
6 months ago this bad eating phase would have been a week long at least now I stop it and I'll try to reason out why it happens.
Thanks for replying
Hi Dave,
Sometimes it's hard all round eh, after my ' scone-gate' day on Monday I did a lot
of thinking about why I self sabotage, and like you have identified similar issues
: am I too strict and denying self
: bored, yes I do not work now and although most days have stuff to do I do miss the feeling of 'days off' and doing something .Most of my friends still work and days can get a bit long.
: sugar addiction, I have been reading a bit and do fit the criteria, but find can't keep choc/sweets in the house as will not just have a bit it's all or nothing.
So ..... Back on track, a couple of blips do not take me back to the person I was, but maybe need be more kind to self and count in ' treats'( I hate the word it makes me sound like a child but can't think of another) and have made a definite decision to cut down on the more hidden sugars.
At the end of the day if we can't be good to ourselves then who will.
Let's dust ourselves down and look forward to being the person be are all working hard to be{{{{Dave}}}}
Hi Dave, we all get ambushed once in a while....but look at you...how far you've come ...and with a myriad of cheer leaders!
I'm with secular on the environment means food reply....habits are just that...in the comfy chair, watching a good film....what's missing....chocs and popcorn...the cinema is a trigger...mines TV! I'd quite happily eat away, never knowing I'd eaten a whole plate of food...and then get another plate...and another! So TV and food for me does not go together anymore.
but, cinema is not a daily event so 2B's suggestions are really helpful...Going cold turkey on your one day off is not really fair....but comparing the chocs and popcorn to the amazing feelings you describe on your cycle ride.....no brainer! Have a good day cobber!
Well your analysis will ring bells with loads of people. I can say that for me I KNOW when I'm going to succeed. I remember saying to my sister after having lost my first stone how easy it had been. She is thin but is a smoker and understands that notion when she gives up her cigs. It's ALL in the mind. The need for willpower comes when your mind prompts you to do what you know will be detrimental. If you can weather those storms (I go to bed early with a crossword) the next day can be better. Your mind might work with you rather than against you.
I'm back on track from having lost 2 stones but put nearly one back on. I noticed on myfitnesspal that it shows a "streak" of the number of times you use it consecutively. I'm going to make sure I get to 10 and go from there. Currently on 2 days in a run.
So, you eat when you're bored or not busy? Me too. Will think of you next time I experience that and drop you a note to say what task I "do" to avoid the storm.
Stay strong Dave. You're keeping a lot of folk motivated.
Thanks Gilly. I was a smoke till 4 months ago and I feel like I am applying some of that willpower to this effort.
I seem to have gotten into this habit of broadcasting my stumbles to the world whereas usually I would simply hide them and pretend they hadn't happened - I feel like this is a sign that this time I am being more accountable and am prepared to admit I fell down and now want to figure out how to get back up.
After all I guess it doesn't matter how many times you fall down as long as you get back up.
Although I agree with some of the other comments re: 'self sabotage' as this is a very real phenomenon with other dependencies also such as alcohol & drugs whereby the fear of failure and allure of temptation join forces to overcome previous sound decision making and a blow-out occurs. The thing is though this is a temporary state - an unusual blip - not something that now defines you or your journey - dont allow it any more of your time & emotion than its already had as it will feed on the negative feelings and grow bigger than it actually is.
So be kinder to yourself and let it go... xxx
And for the next time be aware of your danger zone here and guard against it - so perhaps take prepared healthier blow out snacks (seeds & dried fruit?) & drinks (mixed juice & sparkling water cocktails with crushed ice?) - I make and take my own - to the movies/whatever your treat event is.
I am a veteran of both alcoholism (last drink 18 months ago after 30 years) and smoking (last cigarette 4 months ago after 40 years) so what you are saying makes complete sense to me.
I feel this has been quite cathartic for me and I am not just saying the words I really believe I can be kinder to myself. At my core I am someone who likes to challenge myself so I think the drill sergeant will always come out and have his say but I'll be more watchful about not going to overboard with it.
I absolutely agree and as I have slowly gotten rid of many different addictions in the last couple of years it is crystal clear that food addiction is the toughest of them all to beat because, as you say, you can not abstain from the very thing you are addicted to.
I think society and even we tend to underestimate how tough this is - and its evidenced by figures which show that only 5% of people manage to lose and maintain the weight loss for the rest of their lives while many of us yoyo around and usually put on even more than we lose.
Great glad you can relate I'm doing Dryathalon at the moment and can completely relate to these issues from a personal and work perspective as I worked with drug and alcohol users for many years.
Doing my new health and fitness programme has reminded me of what it feels like to 'go naked' in terms of not having my usual comfort blankets around me. But of course the risks with this are that you are more vulnerable and doubt (that was previously masked) creeps in - thats why these forums are so very good in terms of offering support from people that know what it feels like to be fields away from the mountain never mind climbing it xxx
Hi Dave, it is so frustrating isn't it. But when you suffer from overeating it is easy to slip into old habits. I have been doing this for over 7 months now and can still pig out with the best of them.
I try to schedule my overindulgent evenings (usually one) into my week. It really helps me resist temptation for the rest of the week. But I do tend to have a nibble of chocolate on other days - try to limit it to 100 cals.
It really is just a matter of finding your own way and limiting the damage when you do feel the urge to binge. One trick I used to do was eat a sugar free jelly, then an apple before a nibble of chocolate - this helps reduce the volume of chocolate required
I am not sure when you say chips if you me UK chips (french fries) or USA chips (crisps). If you mean crisps I recommend checking out square crisps, quavers or (best of all) french fries crisps - these are all low in calories and pretty tasty
Hope you can find away through it and keep you and Bert on a even keel.
There is a real difference between previous attempts when I stumble and this one.
When it happened on other diets the pattern would continue for days until I gave up the diet, depressed and beaten, and then it would be 6 months or 12 months or more before I tried again.
This time I am kind of OK with falling down as long as I get back up and have learned at least something about what I tripped over!
I wish I could do the small indulgence thing and maybe one day I will but right now I am not strong enough to have a couple squares and be done with it. Just that little burst of bad food seems to flick the switch, my eyes glaze over and I am off out the door to the supermarket to buy a load of chocolate.
But each time the fight is a little stronger and the time between pig outs is greater.
I'll get there it will just take patience and persistence.
And I meant crisps .... but in Australia we refer to a bag of crisps as a bag of chips...but we also refer to chips (not french fries - like the ones you would get at a fish and chips shop) also as chips.
I can relate to this a great deal and I think your very much like me, an all or nothing type of guy. We are really strict with ourselves and when we have something naughty we class it as failure and go completely off the rails.
Your doing so so well Dave and everyone has a lapse every now and then, myself included but it's how you pick yourself up and keep going and I know your gonna have a cracking few days on the healthy trail.
Its very true about the all or nothing. Unfortunately thats what can set us up for great success but also see us throw in the towel easily.
I am finding it easier to get past these stumbles just because., I think, I am willing to talk about them and examine them and figure out what went wrong instead of just gritting my teeth and barking at myself "NEVER AGAIN!"
Cause after this long its clear that guts and willpower alone will not work....ever.
Dave don't be so hard on yourself your making a lot of positive changes focus on them and allow yourself some slack you got things in check today and look how far you have come
Ps thanks for comments on weigh in monday can't get into like it !
Dave you have done so incredibly well it's just one slip up. Most humans conciously or unconciously look for familiar patterns of behaviour because it reduces anxiety and increases comfort. Its normal to repeat patterns of behaviour and your familiar munchies are strongly associated with going to the cinema, so you've got a real fight on your hands with your subconscious that wants you to behave in a familiar way. In the UK it's soon going to be strictly come dancing on tv every Saturday night, which for me has a strong association with pizza for tea! I'm going to try and break this habit by replacing it with something healthier but also quick easy and tasty to try to form a different association to replace the old one. You do need to be kind to yourself, if it were someone else posting the same thing you give them unconditional support, so you deserve it too☀️
Thanks for that and yes you're right. I must say that I am dealing with these stumbles more rationally than I used to - which would have been to just throw in the towel and promise myself NEXT time would be different. This is next time so I have to do things differently!
I have found Dave that my biggest inspiration to keep to my diet and exercise plan is seeing those scales go down each week. After years of messing around and going up and down in the same half stone bracket I took a firm control over my diet earlier this year and now I am seeing a regular weekly loss and it is that that urges me on to the next week knowing I don't want to go backwards again. I haven't a huge amount to lose but my loss is very slow. My target is now in sight, my next fear will be when I get there can I stay there. Stick with it Dave, take encouragement from the positives and draw a line under the negatives.
Dave great read!....it's so hard to lose weight!.....I gave up smoking 16 years ago best thing I ever did but that's when the weight gain came on. I was sure I wasn't eating anymore than I should of been before but I obviously was. I took to weight watchers and wow what success I had for maybe a year! Then back to thinking I'm not really eating that much resulted (in denial) yet again. I feel happier when I lose weight suppose that's a silly think to say (don't we all).
Friday's are my worst days what I call my unwinding day when I just finish work for the weekend my dangerous time!
At the end of the day no one else can do it for me I have to do it for myself. I think sharing my thoughts might be the start of good things to come for me I'm not alone with this so I've got to try because there's no point in me coming onto this site to converse with such supportive people if I'm not going to take things more serious.
This site gives amazing support (I feel grateful) 🍀
Dave,
Have you thought about looking at "food holics anonymous"
Same principle as alcoholics anonymous maybe your addiction to food and low self esteem could be worked through.
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BUT today is a new day (yes I feel like I have a hangover) but it will pass and am just going to keep on keeping on and you should do the same - celebrate the positives and log the negatives and keep posting 
Determined
I just want to be healthy!!!!!!!
In need of a little motivation
How I gave myself a food addiction through dieting
