I scare myself

[smeegal]

Hi everyone,

This is going to be a depressing post but I feel like writing it down and admitting it publicly might help me rationalize this.

I am 26, 4ft 11 and weigh 14.5 stone. I have done every diet that there ever was. I do well for about 2 weeks then I self destruct big time, for a long period of time. My behavior around food scares me, i will make myself sick at least once a week, not on purpose, but from actually eating so much that my body cannot fit any more in. Half the time, I dont even remember eating, I will go the next day to make something and its empty and in the bin (I live on my own).

I have came to the realization that I self harm with food, that's what I do. It is incredibly unhealthy, I am incredibly unhealthy.

My GP is doing a referral to the weight management clinic, after a year of me asking and having put on another 9 lbs. Another 9lbs even though I have been "on a diet" continuously. In public I am, in private I eat non stop.

Has anyone been to these clinics and have they been helpful?

Thanks for reading,

Lynette x

[Fran182716]

Hi lynette, it sounds as though this is far more of a psychological issue than just bad food choices. I've no idea what the clinics are like but the nhs is well known for providing advice on physical health and diet but skirting round psychological issues to do with overeating. Have a look on this website b-eat.co.uk/ it is an eating disorders charity which is not only about anorexia it covers binge eating and overeating too and I think provides some online support if you don't live near a group.

Hope you get some good support and def worth trying the clinic to see if it's helpful.x

[June1965]

Well.... Firstly may I say how proud you should be for owning up!!!

That has to be the first step to recovery? Surely........

Keep an eye on this site as many....yes many are the same and post questions & try to get yourself out of this pattern, it's very difficult I know........

Good luck and keep us posted 😀

[Hidden]

Hi Lynette,

I just wanted to say that I relate to you, even at a much, much lower level, but I guess that the "mind processes" could be similar in nature.

I used to start eating and before I realised it I would have eaten a packet of biscuits for no reason and without being able to control. I also used to start a diet and then give up after 2 days. I think that deep down I felt that it wasn't worth it, as it wouldn't work. Both things were being frustrating, as I really wanted to lose weight but couldn't, and I was doing an effort that I didn't see results for.

For me, I found that needed to be much more happier and relaxed to be able to diet. I now have someone who's coaching me on my diet (a professional coach) + the support of this fórum. It also helps that I'm more relaxed because I'm feeling better personally and professionally. Definitely how we feel is the main factor in losing weight.

I'm afraid that I can't help you with the weight management clinic, as I've never been to one, so I'm not of much help, actually. But maybe a good psicologist or a coach (specialised in dieting) would be good to follow the process with you? I know it's not easy to find the right person, and it may be expensive if the NHS doesn't provide it, but maybe worth considering. The weight clinic should have some specialised personal too, I guess.

Well, haven't replied your question. But just wanted to let you know that for me getting the right support definitly helped me!

Good luck! You'll feel a new person soon

Diana

[Dody18]

Well done lynette for admitting you have a problem, you are half way there, so many do it in secret, I can't keep sweets or cakes in the house as this is too much temptation, and I will eat them, then feel terrible afterwards, more so when I step on the scales, I do hope you get the help you need, and this forum is always there to boost your confidence, which is a great help. Good luck.

[portmoon]

Check this out;

oagb.org.uk/

[Carol-D]

Your post is very honest and is a step in the right direction to the help you need. I have bad eating habits aswell and like others have to ban sweets, cakes etc from the house as need temptation away. Being organised aswell with food helps me.

I also don't have any experiences with these clinics but wish you all the best on your journey.

[smeegal]

Thank you all so much for replying and i will have a good look at all the websites provided :). I am feeling better today! I had a good look at the 12 week plan and c25k and I am going to start on Monday.

I will use the forum and hopefully will be posting happier things on here! Yesterday was a bad day.

Thanks again for the support x

[Hidden]

Admitting something you know your doing wrong is the first step and doing what you have done in your open post is not only brave, but proves that you want to change. Perhaps keeping a copy of this post may be helpful to remind yourself that your aware of your destructive behaviour. I do it on a smaller scale, I saw a psychologist who helped me enormously. I realised that because of 'issues' relating to other bad things going on in my life, overeating was the only thing I had 'control' of. I was given 'tools' to help each time I started overeating I would say to myself things such as 'Go ahead you have permission to eat as much as you want, but you can only blame yourself when the weight goes on or you feel bad'. It is surprising that saying that mantra each time did help me. It was not easy I had a Troll on each shoulder the 'Good 'and the 'bad' , there was a constant battle between them each time, eventually the good troll won through most times. I still have my bad days as you can read on my posts. I lost 5lbs, was thrilled then last Monday had put 2lbs back on. That was my own fault. It's like sometimes I feel that I am not 'worthy' at having good things happen in my life. Writing this is hard too for me. I am telling all you strangers a 'secret' I have held close for a long time. Dealing with the other issues were the key. I'm not sure if this is at all helpful to you, but I can only offer what I done. Good luck and keep me posted.

[Eb82]

Thanks for this I too binge eat and currently on my second week of the NHS weight loss course....Im doing ok but seeing your link has inspired me to have a look!b-eat.co.uk/ Lynette your not alone - i know nights where I cant sleep due to feeling very uncomfortable and cannot rest as my stomach is compacted.

[alejandra]

Have you considered going to a psychologyst? It really sounds like you are destroying yourself. Maybe that will help. Finding out the reason why your are having these behaviours. Just a suggestion. If you need a weight loss buddy, I'm up for it. Maybe reporting on how you are doing will help. I need to lose about 15 pounds. Alejandra

[Elizabeth3]

I've never beent to a weight management clinic, but from what you say I think you might need some psychological help to enable you to gain more control over what you eat. If you think you are self harming through food, and that you overeat and over fill yourself until you are sick, did you tell this to your GP? There's a lot of things that can help you change your mind set which in turn can help you become not only healthier but just as important, happier. Your GP can refer you for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, that is just one form of psychological help which might help you to feel better about yourself. Hope this helps.