10 Things i do because I've been fat forever...

[HanPanStrawberryJam]

1. I walk passed takeaways with my eyes shut, have done ever since I was a teenager.

2. Never sit on the sofa without a cushion covering my tummy

3. Walk with my feet pointed slightly outward because my thighs have always rubbed together. Thai causes a lot of pulled muscles and wrecked shoes.

4. Eat at my desk every day so no one can comment on what/ how much I eat

5. Hide all wrappers/ food containers in the outside bin and never throw anything away inside

6. Go into supermarkets 3 or 4 times in a day so the cashier can't see how much food in buying

7. Need the loo ALL DAY at work but won't get up to go because I have to walk back right across the office in front of everyone. I've given myself numerous kidney infections because of this.

8. Pretend I'm scared of flying when actually I'm nervous in case the belt doesn't fit. Now everyone I know thinks I have a fear of planes when I actually don't.

9. When I meet new people I'm overly 'bubbly' because that's what I think people expect from a fat person. I'm actually not at all bubbly in my head...

10. Never eat anything without feeling guilty. It could be a salad, I'll still feel like I did something wrong.

There you go, a bit of insight into what a lot of people like me are up against. People talk about 'changing your eating habits' like that stops you being fat... Nah. Even when your body is skinny if you still have these little habits, you'll never truly be healthy.

Weight loss is as much about losing the weight on your mind as it is about the weight on your body

[linggirl]

Your comments struck a chord with me. I went through a phase of always wearing scarves because I thought they helped to camouflage my tummy.

[sueper]

I totally identify with number 8. Made a big fuss once when I had to fly on a small plane alone because I didn't want to sit next to someone and squash them. Pretended I was really nervous so could I sit at the back etc. I also used a seat belt extender and didn't want anyone to notice.

I am flying in October but going business class it is only to Malta and not that expensive. You get the same space for 2 as you get for 3. I am hoping the seat belt extender won't be needed!

Some things I do:

1. If I go out for a meal I check online to seat what sort of seats they have so I know I won't get stuck.

2. Only stay in chain hotels so I know the beds will be sturdy.

3. Often choose a premier inn because they don't have the loos that hang off the wall - I hate them.

4. Constantly worry that garden chairs will collapse under me and seats at concerts - you know those flimsy fold down ones.

5. Avoid going to one local cinema because the seats are too small.

6. Avoid going out anywhere I might have to stand and socialise all evening because I get sweaty and that embarrasses me.

OK and for the worst one, which is so ridiculous and embarrassing - which I no longer do! 7. Check out the calories on the dessert menu and pick the one with the highest calories because that will be the nicest one I can't explain this one.

Having said the above, as I am losing weight those worries are going slowly - the walking has helped with number 6. So number 6 & 7 are gone Yay!

Onwards and downwards for us both and these fears/habits will be a thing of the past.

[HanPanStrawberryJam in reply to sueper]

Doesn't is feel awesome to vocalise these things? I found it so soothing!

[Ros1]

Hi HanPanStrawberryJam, brilliant of you for sharing so many of your inner issues.

I think this site is great for allowing us the opportunity to say those feelings and fears that we may not have ever told anyone else or even admitted to ourselves. I agree with you that for many of us our underlying problem is our mental attitude to food and why we do this to ourselves.

I am feeling very strong at the moment and in control I hope you find that place for you.

[rjay95]

Well done for Sharing these, i relate to many, i also wear many layers loose fitting,sit at the backs of rooms then be the last out, i think these "quirks" are our way of coping

[kate2604]

It is interesting all the things you do because of the guilt you have surrounding your weight. I never hide. Im big because I eat too much. I dont care what other people see. This is me. I travel on planes and ask for seat belt extenders. No one judges me for it, I am just given it. I wonder if you are over eatting because of the shame and guilty you surround yourself with. You are using food as your comfort blanket and hide behind it. It would probably do yourself some good to go see a weight loss doctor to help with your emotional eatting.

[HanPanStrawberryJam in reply to kate2604]

Haha I'm not an emotional eater in the slightest, I'm a food addict I don't eat because I feel guilty or use food for comfort, I feel guilty because I eat and just about the least comforting thing in my life is food! I've seen 3 GP's and a dietician. All of them gave me a food plan and sent me home without offering psychiatric help for the addiction even after I expressly asked for it, and showed them the 8 signs of food addiction and even gave them examples of times I've fitted into every single diagnosis point... Still, the standard treatment for an obese person is to send them home with a piece of paper and then berate them when they don't stick to it. This is why our country is obese, because GP's and even specialists simply are not equipped or educated on the causes of obesity beyond 'comfort eating'... Which doesn't apply to 90% of us. We're told we are 'eating our feelings' when actually, I don't think there's 1 time in my life I've ever thought 'god I'm sad, I'll have a kebab to make me feel better'. Assuming that all people who feel guilt after eating are eating BECAUSE they feel guilty is very short sighted! Congrats on being so comfortable in your skin, that must be a wonderful feeling to be truly comfortable with who you are and what you look like I can't say I share your confidence although I used to say I was totally fine with it and even make a joke out of my body whenever it came up in conversation, but it was all a very well rehearsed act. I even convinced myself for a long time. It took a long time to undo all that fake confidence and actually face the fact that I wasn't happy. But I'm there now and I'm building up ACTUAL confidence, which I've never really had before it's so much stronger

[kate2604 in reply to HanPanStrawberryJam]

I specifically didnt say GP but weight loss doctor. They are specialists. They deal with the whole not just the diet. I also see you are feeling guilty because of what you eat because you hide the facts of gaining weight. You might not see it as guilt but your post shows evidence that is how you see it despite your denial. You turned my comment on you feel guilty after you eat into you eat because you feel guilt is a classic case of some one in denial.

[kate2604 in reply to kate2604]

As to comfort eating. Its not that you eat emotionally but are comfortable eating vast amounts of food and doing nothing about it except hide the weight gained.

[HanPanStrawberryJam in reply to kate2604]

You have to be referred to a bariatric specialist through your GP and a dietician separately. The system goes GP> dietician > bariatric specialist. I got to the GP stage 3 times, then the last one referred me to a dietician. The dietician didn't refer me to a bariatric specialist and sent me home with a diet sheet for company. It took me 18 months to get a referral to a dietician, I don't have another 18 months to wait for a bariatric appointment so I'm going it alone. I feel guilty about what I eat absolutely, but not because I'm eating for comfort, it's because I'm a food addict, these are 2 very very different things. Please refer to my most recent (highly researched) post for more details on food addiction. I'm in denial? Absolutely, categorically disagree with you and my previous posts will illustrate that to you, You can't make these judgements about my personal experiences based on your own experience, we clearly have very different issues. You have never met me and have the strength of 1 post to go off and yet you've diagnosed me as an comfort eater? Don't argue with me when I tell you I disagree with you about my experience, you have come to the discussion vastly unarmed with information. Again, I'm so glad your experience of obesity has been so positive and well done to you for your confidence.

[kate2604 in reply to HanPanStrawberryJam]

I judge what I see its up to you to leave it or take it

[HanPanStrawberryJam in reply to kate2604]

Yep, I'll leave it, thanks for your input though

[gilly57]

You're absolutely on the button to say that this issue is all in the head. Once you DECIDE to shed fat and follow a"regime" and see that the fat goes week by week, it becomes so clear. You've now articulated where your head is. That makes you in control. Get up out of your chair and walk across the office at least twice a day (I'm on your shoulder) knowing you'll be stunning to look at this time next year. Have a little inner giggle that you know this and others don't.

[HanPanStrawberryJam in reply to gilly57]

Haha I totally did this yesterday! You have no idea what a luxury it was to not be doing the wee wee dance at 5:30!!

[Hidden]

That last comment - that's the one people need to address. Insight and understanding are critical to change of any sort. (Came to me late in life.) Hooray for you!

[MrsBooboo]

I went to Spain last October, the belt just fitted. I am glad my little one and I were asleep both ways, as I didn't need to move around with my belt right up against me. I put my top over the belt, so the man sat next to me couldn't see the belt just about fitted. He moved, we must have smelt bad anyway.

[PeaQueen]

I totally agree that weight issues all revolve around what's going on inside your head!

For me, getting past the denial was the crucial step. It's not that I didn't know I was fat – I do own a mirror – but for a long time I refused to believe my dress size was going up. I was like, "no, I can't be a size 20!" because that size didn't fit with my perception of myself.

To get around this denial, I took to wearing elasticated leggings and baggy T-shirts all the time. That way, I didn't have to face up to the fact that my size 20 jeans cut into me and gave me a rash (because I was actually getting nearer a size 22). I just put them away in a drawer and pretended it wasn't happening.

Then after a while I found that the leggings weren't lasting very long any more. The elastic waistband went all floppy and the seams soon popped! And those baggy T-shirts were now stretched over me as tight as a sausage skin. Finally I accepted I needed to do something about it.

When you have to buy your knickers by mail order because the ones in normal shops aren't big enough, you know you have to ditch the denial and avoidance. So here I am.

[HanPanStrawberryJam in reply to PeaQueen]

My experience a while ago was very similar, i had a "fat girl uniform" of a baggy dress and leggings. I sort of avoided the fact I couldn't wear anything else for a long long time but then just accepted it as normal! Isn't it strange how our brains shield us from our bodies like that??? Anyhoo, like you I'm well out of that stage now and ploughing on with the change

[Acceptance15]

Thanks for your inspirational post

[Hidden]

I'm only about 1-2 stone overweight and I am the same as you for 5 out of the 10 habits you list. I think what you're pointing out, as well as our constant awareness of carrying extra weight, is the social contexts that make us constantly aware. Eating out in the UK is more often than not going to confront us with unhealthy choices and social pressure, whereas somewhere like Japan has a completely different approach to fast food, eating out etc. and the customs, behaviours etc are different too. This feeling of constantly being judged is a part of our culture in this country, experienced by lots of different types of people in lots of different ways, especially heightened by the news, internet, tv etc. Maybe a good way to change mindset is to switch off these outside judging sources: simply avoid reading the news stories that feed these fears, and apply logic when anyone around you tries to make you feel bad too (which I have no doubt about your capability of doing!). Good luck with your journey and thanks for your honesty!