Last week or so I have been so unbelievably fed up, bad mood, ratty, very blue. Normally I like to think I'm fairly upbeat but oh my I've felt foul.
At the hospital last week and I finally said what I know but have been refusing to admit "I guess I have to accept that even though I'm on all the meds and have Rituximab the best it's going to do is keep me stable but I'm never going to feel well again". The reply "that's what we've just been discussing before we came in but we'll keep trying".
Think this is why I'm feeling fed up, I know the last four years have been tough at times but in my heart I kept the dream that one morning I would wake up and not feel like I still need to sleep and not have a headache and just be me again (although I think this is me now a slightly varied version of the old one).
Also over the last three to four weeks I've started having something new, I get an odd sensation in my tummy and chest and then it's like someone has frozen me, I feel like I can't move or talk. It lasts anything from five to twenty minutes and I have at least one episode a day, I've also had less intense ones that have lasted longer. I've got an odd feeling most of the time in my chest, it's not painfully or anything. I feel stupid trying to explain it as its odd and I've never had it before. Sorry I am going to ask a question - anyone else had anything like this?
Anyway I'll stop whingeing and get myself off to work - which is getting harder and harder all the time and that's getting to me now.
Hope you're all feeling well.