Advice needed, help from my friends here

[May7]

Because I have a number of medical conditions, both as a result of vasculitis and other things, I have several hospital appointments coming up this month. One of them is my 6 monthly Denosumab bone jab, which must not be delayed by more than a month or my bones will weaken (I already have a fractured spine due to osteoporosis which happened a month after first taking a high dose of prednisolone). Furthermore I am having a sigmoidoscopy later in the month, and I need to be well for both procedures. Therefore I am taking extra care not to catch covid, flu or a cold or anything. I have had my 6th Covid jab which covers omicron, and my flu jab. My problem is that my husband wants to go to a sauna evening with friends followed by a meal next weekend. I don't go to saunas but usually used to join them all for the meal afterwards, before covid. I don't want to go this time, and have asked my husband not to go, because I am very nervous about it. He says that it will do his aching joints good, and saunas are healthy and kill the viruses. He is determined to go. Am I being overly worried ? Am I making a fuss about nothing? I really do need some sensible and considered advice from my friends here. I am at my wits end.

[Grizzly-bear]

There’s no evidence around saunas actually killing viruses. Seems logical but it isn’t something subject to much investigation.

You’re only asking him to skip 1, or delay a sauna visit, which doesn’t feel unreasonable to me.

I understand that it’s hard to continue to make sacrifices years into covid and people have different risk decisions that are personal to them and their own accepted level of risk, but there are a lot of viruses going around at the moment so that needs to be factored in.

If it was someone I lived with and I had procedures coming up that I relied on them I would ask them to exercise caution until I’d got through them. We have enough health issues to worry about without adding anxiety into the mix.

Heavily caveat this by saying I’m still shielding and am on rituximab and Prednisolone, so I’m someone giving advice from a cautious perspective. My reason for caution is I don’t want any more vascular damage on top of damage caused by vasculitis, given that covid is a vascular illness.

[May7 in reply to Grizzly-bear]

Thanks Grizzly. He doesn't want to delay it, which is why I am worried. I am on Preds and Mycophenolate, and much more for other conditions. We have done outdoor social things, and I don't ask him not to go out more nowadays, it's only in this difficult month. Yes, I am already anxious, and have suffered from anxiety for over a year now. I understand that my condition is affecting him, but there's not much I can do.

[Nadine99]

I certainly agree that it would be wise not to go under the circumstances and surely your husband could wait a while? The alternative I suppose is that he goes on his own but you or he isolates and then does a Covid test. It may seem extreme but it's not. Carry on being sensible.

[May7 in reply to Nadine99]

Thanks Nadine. There isn't much time for isolating as it's such a busy month, with a Respiratory appointment due a week later. It really is all tight, which is why I'm panicking.

[PMRpro]

All I can say is that my daughter, who is frontline NHS staff in the ED, didn't catch Covid the first time at work - but from her husband who went to a stag do! He had tested before going - but someone else hadn't bothered and by next morning his symptoms were in full flow. Ian got it - and so did my daughter,

And I fear that saunas don't kill the Covid virus!

Personally, if it were me being asked to delay/miss one sauna for my partner's peace of mind over medical needs, I wouldn't find it at all unreasonable.

[May7 in reply to PMRpro]

Thanks for your support PMRpro.

[Main1234]

I really feel for you and you have received good advice. My OH has GPA and I am extremely careful to protect him, he actually says I’m more careful than he is but I would hate to give him Covid or flu.

He must be feeling frustrated as well (as we all are ) but it’s important that you are kept safe especially before important medical procedures.

If he insists on going I would keep from him, wear a good FFP3 mask, keep windows open and get him to do LFT.

Wishing you all the best for your forthcoming procedures .

[May7 in reply to Main1234]

Thanks Main for your reply and best wishes. I'm hoping it won't come to the situation where isolation from him is necessary, as that would be impossible in our house.

[KASHMIRI1]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all considering everything you have to deal with. It's difficult isn't it my husband is a musician and l know he has giving up a lot for me over the last two and a half years. But it's not anything we can change unfortunately

[May7 in reply to KASHMIRI1]

Thanks for your support KASHMIRI1, I had hoped I wasn't being unreasonable.

[KASHMIRI1 in reply to May7]

I have issues with my family about various meet ups and other events and refuse to go unless it's outside. But it's caused problems because unless you have been in our situation you have no idea how scary and tough it gets at times. Wishing you all the best.

[BooBoo39 Volunteer]

Dear May7 I think you are right to be anxious. I have felt the same way ever since all this began. But was always careful to avoid other bugs/viruses as well. Even more now as I don’t wish to have to seek medical help and risk Covid also . My husband has always been careful for my sake. But there are occasions when he cannot work from home etc . But he then isolates when he gets back for at least 3 days. One of the first few compulsory work meetings he attended he thankfully isolated and on day 3 started to feel unwell. He tested daily but only tested positive on day 5 with Lateral flow. Thank heaven he balanced his meeting with keeping me safe. However as you are desperately aware we need keeping safe from other winter nasties especially when we need to attend important medical procedures. I would have hoped that your husband knows this and feel this particular outing is maybe not as important as your welfare. However we all understand it’s stressful and depressing for us to stay safe ourselves and it may sometimes seem unfair to expect our loved ones to do the same after all this time. Ask him to isolate if he still wishes to attend. When he understands how anxious you are he will hopefully make the right decision for both of you. Ps my husband is again isolating upstairs as he attended a compulsory managers meeting last Friday and is now full of cold with a barking cough. We assume as Lateral Flow still showing negative. At least I know he has kept out of my way, so my risk to whatever he has is minimal .

Hope this helps and best of luck with your upcoming medical treatment

[May7 in reply to BooBoo39]

Thank you for your long reply Boo boo. Isolation in our house isn't really possible I'm afraid. I don't think he does understand how anxious I am though.

[PMRpro in reply to BooBoo39]

My daughter (a nurse) had symptoms, was pretty sure it was Covid, but tested negative 3 time before getting a test out of a different pack (hers were issued by the NHS) and then got one positive from the new pack and one negative from the old pack! The LFTs are very unreliable with Omicron

[Investigator1]

Hi May7. Wow! He can’t go, simple as that! Charity starts at home and he is part of the home. Easy for me to say but make a stand and say “I don’t want you to go” during Covid height my wife wanted to go to Step Class, I said that to her. It’s one of those things you just have to be firm about. If nothing else it will ease you anxiety. There is no evidence about saunas killing viruses, more the contrary some survive in humid conditions. Sorry for being so blunt May7, I know it’s not easy and I really feel for you but there can’t be a compromise on this one. Nick.

[May7 in reply to Investigator1]

Thank you for your support Nick. I did make a stand of sorts when I told him about my worries for the Bone jab, in particular. I asked him to delay the sauna until next month, after my sigmoidoscopy and everything else was over, because yes, I am very anxious. But it caused a row, so I came on here for help and support.

[Investigator1 in reply to May7]

Oh bless you May! It’s so difficult and I and others on here will support you as much as we can, night and day because we do understand. If you have made your feelings known then I would back off for a while to lower the temperature and if (do I sound like Claire Raynor?) your husband is determined to go then it would be better to take the precautions as a compromise rather than fall out. I had a situation a couple of months ago where my wife’s parents who are in their mid seventies asked us to go for a celebratory meal, along with my wife’s sister and he partner. My wife’s parents are very understanding and like us do LFT tests prior to us meeting up. However her sister wouldn’t, my wife explained my situation to no avail so there is the dilemma. Just like eh66 we weighed up the risks and decided to go. When we got to the venue my wife’s sister was coughing and sneezing as was her partner, we turned and left after apologising to my wife’s parents but it was a step too far for me. I didn’t say it at the time but I thought hang on! This isn’t just about me, what about my wife’s elderly parents. A week later my wife’s mum tested positive. Fortunately a fit 76 year old, fully jabbed up she rode the storm without passing it on.

All you can do is your best May, but know I am here for you.

Nick

[May7 in reply to Investigator1]

Thank you so much for that Nick, it really is appreciated, May.

[May7 in reply to May7]

P.S. I'm not much younger than your mum-in-law, but unfortunately not so fit. (So I've now got the label 'elderly' to cheer me up!!)

[May7 in reply to Investigator1]

I did back off, and fretted all night. Then I broached the subject this morning, and he said he wasn't going because I had banned him, and that was that. I hadn't actually banned him, just pleaded my case. So anyway it's settled now. So sorry to bother you with my personal problems but I felt desolate. Thank you for all your help.

[ZiggyDiego in reply to May7]

I’m glad you talked about it with him. Sense his frustration at being “banned” but I guess you can work from that. It is so hard having to explain all the time about covid: restaurant staff last week were amazed that I insisted on eating outside. It was about 14 degrees so not exactly freezing cold. But they kept on checking on us!! Hope all the appointments and procedures go well.

[eh66]

Sorry I am going to be a bit controversial.

My other half worries about me more ways than I care to mention whilst I sat calmly in the eye of the Vasculitis hurricane. It is quite possible your other half needs some decompression time. Maybe both of you need to take a step back and consider the risks rather than just not doing things and then figure out how you can mitigate them or compromise. He might well catch flu or Covid just going to the shops. Worry and stress reduce the body's immune responses. Meeting friends will likely lower his stress levels and boast his mental health.

Covid has an incubation 2-14 days and flu 1-4 days. So perhaps he uses the spare room and a mask for a few of days. Then takes a LFT.

I hope you figure something out that works for both of you.

[May7 in reply to eh66]

Thank you for your thoughts eh66. Believe me, I do understand his need for a life outside my health bubble, but he has had more decompression time than I have. I haven't objected to his enjoyment of meeting his friends in safe environments, or attending photographic club meetings in a large room, since having the omicron jab. I even agreed to the sauna evening for him, taking in the small possible risk, until I realised that it would occur in the same month as my 6 monthly bone jab, which must not be delayed. If the worst were to happen, I could suffer another fracture, on top of all my other serious conditions I have. I am under 4-5 consultants at any one time, for my various conditions. I am only asking for a delay in having the sauna. He had worked out the risks, but I'm not happy about any risk at all this month. Our house isn't suitable for proper isolation, and I've been happy enough with the situation until now. We both take care about shopping etc. I just hope that this might be resolved soon.

[Investigator1 in reply to eh66]

Hi eh66, I don’t think you are being controversial as you say it’s all about risk and how you perceive the risk. I went to Cyprus for 2 weeks in September, yes there were risks but I did my risk assessment and the benefits were worth it. That was me however and we are all different and have different circumstances and different levels of anxiety. Nick.

[May7]

Tuesday morning update: I asked him about it again and he said he wasn't going because "I had banned him". I didn't know he had decided this and I had fretted for nothing. I want to thank everybody for their kind thoughts and taking the time to give advice, it really is so much appreciated. May.

[Investigator1 in reply to May7]

No problem May, glad you got it sorted out. If he wants to use the term “banned” let him get on with it, your safety is what’s important so at least you feel a little less anxious so you can concentrate on the month ahead. Nick.