You can teach an old cat new tricks and certain ladies have been making naughty treats for people when really they were for me!

It has been a while since I have tapped away and written a blog. I got knocked back by yet another bladder infection, which actually was seen off with only three days of antibiotics. Another sign I feel, of the LDN slowly working. However having congratulated myself on this event, and told everybody I know how exciting it was - I was then immediately struck down by real flu. This put me out of action for a very long time.

It came on very suddenly and caused acute problems with my lungs and made me brew a temperature of over 103 at it's worst. A guy from up the road turned up and drove me to the GP - (I live out of catchment, a long and boring story now in file 13)! So due to how bad my chest was, yet more antibiotics. Unfortunately I was allergic to them, which was infuriating as I have only just got my hands and feet back to normal after the last allergy in January. So some delightful weeks followed with giant hands and feet, but luckily three finger tips left to type with, and once again, with the delights of my psoriatic arthropathy and lupus... no loss of nails on feet and hands.. again I put this down to the LDN. I have a long way to go with it, and things have been a bit difficult but I see this as a long haul event and do not expect real change of much significance inside 6 months. To finish off my delightful run of infections I then ended on a note with some lovely pleurisy.. but that is being shooed off today. I did lots of shouting this morning about the piles of mess in the kitchen and did not cough so I must be better. Tomorrow I shall start physio again, I danced for five minutes yesterday, so that is the start of it. A week ago that would have been beyond me.

Having to be so quiet has been infuriating once again the ironing pile which lives on the upstairs piano, hit the ceiling and started motoring off in it's ungainly size towards my daughter's bedroom. However I have seen half of that off today, so I must be on the mend. Tomorrow I hope to start playing the piano again to work my sore fingers back to some sort of manageable state, no pain, no gain etc.

Yesterday evening I had friends around, two close friends have left difficult and tedious situations, they met at my house some time back and have now eloped together, back around here and are getting married. I love a good shin dig, and it will probably be here and turn into a festival, like everything else. Tents, campfires, live music and a badly behaved Mary and husband, what more could they want. Yesterday before they came around for dinner I set about making a very naughty pudding, pretending it was for them and my husband, but truth be known I could not wait to sink my fangs into a double chocolate cheese cake with a chocolate gluten free biscuit base.. my appetite is obviously back.

Dinner was fun, although I did forget after two glasses of red wine, how dreadful my hands were and managed to have a heated wrestling match with my oven, and serve the starter of stuffed mushrooms with caramelized onions and pesto upside down on the floor, followed by a whole jug of smoothie, it was all so slippery I looked like I was demonstrating an episode of scooby do with those fast rotating legs. I then proceeded to get stuck to the floor, which made my husband offer to wash it, so a very good result really.

Meanwhile the children have been up and down with their health problems and various teenage dramas.. fairly low key.. but my young son did announce quite heatedly the other evening that if I was to speak or mention anything or talk about the cats or in fact even exist whilst he was holding confidential skype sessions with girls.. that I would have my email account deleted, my facebook fraped and in fact I would locked out of he house, most charming I felt, but a good sign that all is well in some areas of life.

Talking of cats, the tiger and the panther have really been very busy learning new tricks whilst I have had to take it easy, but I am aware that we need to film some of their antics as proof to put on here. For some reason one of my cats enjoys a smack bottom daily with a rolled up newspaper, she asks for it, then lies on her back with her catty bottom sticking out from under my best armchair. Visitors to the house like to see this, and in fact it is so funny people come around just to see this spectacle now.

Failure to engage with her in this game daily, preferably in her catty world, at least twice. Means I am stalked by her... firstly she will lie in wait up high and tap me on the head as I move through the house, secondly she will hide under the chair and gently stick her whiskers up my trouser leg, or she will drag the rolled up paper in and then fly over the top of the chair and tap me on my arms, usually when I have dozed off. However the worst one is her sliding her paws under the duvet in the middle of the night and tapping my knees. Once I have shrieked and put the light on I am presented with the newspaper again. So it is easier to just play the game, she shreds an entire paper daily all over the downstairs and then lies with most of the bits on top of herself with her legs open and her fangs out. Once exhausted from this she demands a glass of filtered water is poured in a wine glass on the kitchen table, she then sits like esteemed royalty to drink it, once done with it, she will curl up on one of us for a sleep. (film to follow soon).

Meanwhile the other cat who is rather ancient and a bit disabled keeps an eye on us all. From a deep and elderly deaf sleeping arrangement, should either myself be ill or one of the children - she will appear immediately and keep vigil. My daughter's seizures trigger her to appear from nowhere and stand on top of her and lick her until she gets a response, and with my youngest, she has a routine of herding him into bed nightly, she will not stop meowing until she has got him into bed. The same time every school night. However the evening shower causes her to go into catty over drive. She stands on her back legs quite distressed at him being in the shower, paws up on the glass, and appearing to want to rescue him out of it.

Once he opens the door, she shoos him into the bedroom as she knows the next thing is the fan heater which she loves. At any time of the day that is heard, she is there like a shot, and despite being 16... should he reach to turn it off, a little striped furry arm will tap on the dial to try and turn it back on again, and on particularly cold day she will swipe his hand if he tries to turn it off. So the last few days it has been my turn to have nurse puss puss in attendance, lots of meowing and cat cuddles.. now I am better she has stalked off again, that is how it is with her.

Neither cats get on at all... and they constantly speak in very foul language at the dead of night... one is so naughty that she has developed jealousy over the elderly tiger's new disabled access arrangements. A cat tray has appeared to stop those middle of the night elderly cat getting caught short moments, this lives in our downstairs cloak room.... the other cat is infuriated and does attempt to do something of her own just outside the tray.. to indicate her disapproval. It reached a crescendo last week and I chased them both into the garden with a fine array of choice expletives.. and they have behaved very well ever since. The tiger is thrilled with her new amenities and the panther is sulking but is demanding more games... I do so prefer doing this to any form of cleaning.

It is mainly my fault that they are so over the top. I don't want cats to lope around all huffy and disinterested I want them to amuse me... so have always played with them.. the latest things is pelting one of them with ping pong balls on the stairs this sets off the most hilarious games and keeps me amused for hours as they both go mad in the end in the hall downstairs with 25 or more fast flying ping pong balls, a nice catty game of football.

To take a break from my obvious confinement and descent into madness. I made a trip to hospital in London with one of my children who was ill...I was not really up to the trip but it was important. Ten minutes away from the hospital and a phone call came in from a woman explaining that things were cancelled... I explained on the spot that I would be meeting her face to face to discuss this mayhem and she had better be there. I heard her gulp. I arrived to a clinic in chaos and was treated to her oscar winning performance of one excuse after another... after she had relayed them all I clapped and asked to see her manager, she explained she was the manager. I saw somebody else who turned out to be good, however the manager most keen to explain that there was no email address for me to write to the doctor I should have seen. Actually there was, she clearly had no idea of my Ms Marple skills base. I wrote to the doctor in question about her administration of his clinic, in detail including illness and travel arrangements and I was careful to copy her into the correspondence.

I should be receiving several more, far more effective appointments shortly. Any anger I had was counterbalanced by staying in my friend Dither's flat. She was on about how she needed to create Gok Wan's capsule wardrobe again.... which had worked three summer ago... however her current version of this would be best described as Gok Wan's latest jumble sale. As I drifted off to sleep in her flat sharing a bed head to toe with my daughter, she then explained how the juice she was making to rejuvenate me in the morning was off... as spirals of smoke were coming out of the juicer and there was not time to purchase another one due to her going on a highly dangerous adventurous lady's holiday, totally unsuitable for those of a nervous disposition.

Meanwhile I am still tucking into the nutri adrenal and nutri thryoid... and giving the gluten free my best efforts, although this week I have also started on cider vinegar and manuka honey again....I think Dr P's regime is still helping me immensely, and I am also aware that the other four ailments are causing terrible problems.. I hope to climb up again on the LDN soon, and that new improvements will come my way.

Today being Mother's Day.. I am celebrating with a nice roaring log fire... we shall have a cozy fireside dinner later, I have turned down being taken out, went out last week-end... and I am too cold. My youngest made me breakfast in bed, and the middle once came back with chocolates and a card... and my eldest rang up and said happy old bag's day - will come and visit soon. What more could I possibly want.

Mary F x

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24 Replies

  • Oh Mary, the cat and the wine glass of filter water is just brilliant. I can so relate to this ;-)

    I must go back on the apple cider vinegar/honey combo myself, it worked a treat with some bicarb to cure my low stomach acid which is coming back.

    Good response to the cancelled appointment by the way. Show them who is boss! xx

  • Cheers Mary F x

  • Mary! You stuff mushrooms! lol Hope you enjoyed them even if they had been on the floor. Thanks for the laugh. Grey x

  • Of course they get stuffed along with anything or anybody else in sight. Mary F x

  • Oh Mary brill as usual. i really dont know how you cope. x

  • Ta life can only get better x laughter keeps me going Mary F x

  • Brilliant. X

  • Ta xxx MF

  • So funny... you should write a book Mary! It would cheer up so many people who need it. Thanks for making me feel much better than I did before reading your wonderful blog. I wish I could be more like you.. laughter is the best medicine of all!! xxx

  • Why thank you, have a lovely week. Mary F x

  • Loved reading this.....tell us more......weekly update? Hope healing continues upward.

    Bestest wishes

  • Thanks v much. Mary F x

  • ....such fun to read - thank you ! Shirley Conran once said that Life was too short to peel a mushroom.....I think it was in the book she wrote way back in the 70's. So do hope yours remain unpeeled ! x

  • Peel a mushroom, is NOT on my agenda.. they taste better unpeeled! Mary F x

  • ...oh goody ! x

  • XX

  • Love your cats! And love the teenage(?) son. Going by my son, you'll probably be a total embarrassment for about two years - then it disappears! - now we're best mates.!

    So sorry you've been so ill. Your optimism is inspiring. X

  • I have been a total embarrassment for a number of years, he is child number 5 who I have brought up...does not bother me in the slightest. Funny how all their friends like being around here the most. He is currently at the stage where he acts out the Incredible Hulk at least twice a week! Mary F x

  • Was wondering where you were Mary, so glad you are feeling better as I miss your blogs. This flu is no laughing matter is it, my friend has pleurisy so know how poorly you have been. Take care x

  • Thanks, I think I am on the mend, I am sitting here filing my fangs and plotting various things x MF x

  • I so so luv your blogs maryf,they make me either giggle or belly laugh! Your moggies sound hilarious, I've got an aging 16 old & a stray of indeterminate age who's only shenanigans are of an early morning variety, the aged one boxes me round the face & the younger one walks over my head non stop....I'm a bugger to get moving first thing :) please don't leave it too long till your next post:)



  • I am sure it will not be too long, cabin fever will bring something DREADFUL on I am sure. Mary F x

  • Mary so glad you are feeling better I've had the flu too started on 21st Dec day before my birthday and 2 lots of antibiotics later still coughing lots . Loved the story about your moggies particularly the football in the hall could just imagine them. My lovely Daughter in law has had three baby kittens delivered this morning and rang me at lunch time so excited to tell me. Mum and babies just fine. Hope they turn out to be as much fun as yours.

    Moonlily x

  • Hope you feel better soon, please do chase the new cats around the house. Mary F x

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