As some of you might have noticed from my previous posts i am awaiting another blood test mid December for an under active thyroid which is not optimized yet.I am feeling a lot of symptoms i had before i was diagnosed and i am now on 150mg of Thyroxine,also feeling the depression kicking in.I also have a lot of back pain but i don't know if this is down to my thyroid or being diagnosed recently with mild scoliosis.
The other day i got up of the chair and felt some pain and did the natural thing of saying ouch! My partner said oh i am sick of this thyroid thing its all i ever hear these days which obviously caused an argument as i am not so sure she understands or cares like she said she did.
In the car the other day i was feeling cold esp my feet as we do so i turned the heating on,she turned it off saying she was roasting while sitting with her coat on pulled up to her chin so i told her to take it off....Answer...Why should i?.....
I told her she was being very selfish and after 6 years i feel its time to move on now the boots on the other foot,such a shame.
I nursed her through breast cancer,i was trained to take blood,sanitized her line out each week that she had in her arm to her chest and replace with clean parts which i did without a whinge,she is now all clear and i have told her how selfish she is being.
Ok i know this is not a relationship advice line but can someone advise me on how i can deal with this please,do i just walk away because that's how i feel at the moment.
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henrythewasp
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Henry, when we are trying to cope with an illness, one that affects everything in our body it is a huge struggle if we are not on either the correct thyroid hormones to make us well, or an optimum dose. We need sympathy and a shoulder to lean on.
I think more people hear me talk about hypothyroidism than anything else as it does consume you until you are well. It's a puzzle to us why we are allowed to continue in ill-health due to the guidelines and it can ruin relationships as well as cost us our jobs etc as others cannot appreciate how bad we feel and trying to cope as usual.
I am sorry your friend is unsympathetic after you've looked after her so well when she had breast cancer. Has she been checked for a thyroid gland problem as I read the other day that low iodine was the cause of breast cancer and lack of it also causes goitre and is needed by the thyroid gland as well, too little and our thyroid gland cannot work effectively. So just a thought - maybe she should get her thyroid gland checked too.
Sometimes we feel it is better to move on, but to where, we will be alone and not well enough or strong enough to sort things out. It does make you stressful mind you.
Are you on optimum medication? You may not when you still have clinical symptoms. For men from hypothyroidmom.com
Did you see her thyroid results - or did the GP just say the usual - 'everything is normal '.....
I only mention this as I have read that the treatment for breast cancer can knock the thyroid off kilter and I have several acquaintances and friends who have suffered with breast cancer and do now have thyroid problems.
Am sure you know from your own experiences that if it is just the TSH was tested - then it tells you very little.
Are you sure you are converting your dose of T4 into the Active T3 - have you a recent result for FT3 ? It could help you feel optimal when the T3 levels are good.
It is sad that you are having problems - is it just illness your partner has problems with - or are there other issues she struggles to discuss ?
I was once married to someone who did not like me mention any form of illness - it was like - do not mention the war ! In his case it was partly guilt as he found it difficult to be supportive during my six month stay in hospital whilst my parents cared for our children and he played rugby and worked 200 miles away It could well have been fear - I really do not know....it was not discussed
As others have suggested - perhaps try to talk about it all - I know it is difficult.....
I absolutely agree about having theT4 and T3 tested. Interestingly enough, many years ago I developed diabetes. Through that time I was exhausted, cranky and quite moody. All my bloodwork was coming out normal, except for A1C and glucose. A number of years later, after having an MI and then triple bypass, I started to develop AFib. In the hospital they did a battery of tests, and although I was quite overweight, I had hyperthyroidism. What a surprise. Nobody ever did the appropriate tests. After my thyroid was irradiated, it took well over a year to get the right dose of synthroid. Moodiness, depression and exhaustion continued. The reason I am writing is because whether it is hyper or hypo, unless more extensive blood work is done, you might night have the correct diagnosis for her. There is one other piece of advice I can give only through life experience. My Dad stayed true to my mom( who actually know) through her 20 plus years if MS. He wasn't a saint, but, loved her enough to put up with the myriad of symptoms and horrid ness that MS is. You have to be a certain type of person to give selflessly, even though the odds of relationship survival is low. Look deep inside. Sometimes it's better to face trials alone than compromise yourself in a relationship that may be at its best one sided. I'm sorry if I confused you more...but, these decisions cannot be made by asking others. It comes from deep inside your soul. I bet I am probably twice your age and have had to handle life's issues alone. It might not have been what I wanted...but, this is what it is. You will make it either way!!!
You need to educate her. Don't throw away 6 years of what sounds like a close relationship. ( although I have had several relationships which run their course after about 6 years) . There is a letter to family and friends which you could adjust and give to her. The link is here.... thyroid.about.com/od/bookss...
If that doesn't work, you could always save yourself the cost of a Christmas present. :-).
Henry, rather than dumping a relationship in which you have invested six years, including nursing your partner through her illness, can't you work out some compromises between you?
I expect she's very grateful for the care you showed her when you nursed her through cancer but she may be at a loss to know how and what to do to help you with the thyroid problems and scoliosis.
It's not unreasonable to ask her to take off her coat when you need the heating up because you are cold (I assume you have your coat on) and it's not unreasonable to groan when you have a pain spasm and sometimes you simply can't stifle a groan even if you wanted to.
However, it's very wearing when conversation degenerates into a litany of health complaints that the listener can't do anything to fix, so, if you think this may be happening, why not say less to your partner about it and use the forum to voice how you're feeling and express what anxieties you have.
Good advice as lots of sympathetic ears here, we all have been there at some point. I think sometimes it's fear of not understanding and knowing what to do and say that makes the nearest and dearest to us sound unsympathetic and inconsiderate. Post your next bloods as soon as you can and let's see if we can give you help to at least start some improvement. It's a steep learning curve and unfortunately be because any medication tweeking takes time to get into the system it can take time and patience, things we tend to feel short of when under any pressure
As someone whose relationship was, if not ruined, certainly not helped by becoming hypothyroid I can imagine how how feel.
But believe me, splitting up with her will cause huge stress, and that isn't good for your health. So if you can hang in there, talk less (saying ouch when you get a sharp pain is allowed though!) about your illness, and try to find out why she is being like this. Sometimes folk can't cope with the dynamic of their relationship changing, but it could be a whole different thing that hasn't occurred to you.
The time to dump her is when you are feeling well again, if you still want to. When you are well you can think clearly about the relationship, make a decision and if necessary cope with the stuff a breakup brings.
That is possible too. He needs to sit down and talk to her and listen to what she has to say. I think not letting the car heater to be turned on when she could have opened the window on her side of the car a crack is inconsiderate. But we weren't there.
I do sympathise with you. I was undiagnosed for a good while and ended up with a TSH of 123 in January. I am still on 175mg levo each day but was continually having very bad aches and pains. Now, following countless surgery visits, I have been diagnosed as having Mixed Connective Tissue Disease and started on Methotrexate. I would certainly ask your GP if they can refer or test you for it (there is a specific blood test for the antibodies). The doctor started me on prednisolone and I became me again!!! NO pain on moving from sitting to standing, elbow pain, muscular pain or wrist/hand pain. It is well worth a chat with the doctor. I am also aware that as we "look" OK with no bits falling off that people think we are OK. I remember someone on here stated that they told someone that they were ill and it was only their face which was not in pain!! You could try finding the relevant info on the condition and having a chat with your friend. After all, this is one of the very few conditions which warrant free prescriptions which is very telling in the importance of the role of the thryoid and maintaining body functions. I hope this helps and good luck. I know with my husband, I had difficulty explaining it to him and the pain I was in and so I used to read out excerpts from this forum and off the internet
Henry........During the time that you helped your partner through her illness you became her carer.This you obviously did with love for her.At times like that you just get on with things and don't think about yourself.
However,the time has come to do just that and she should be supportive of you.
5 years ago my husband collapsed in London and had to have major aortic valve replacement heart surgery.I went to and fro on the trains daily for weeks in order to be with him and supportive,often carrying heavy bags of things asked for etc....
I met with others who were doing exactly the same for their loved ones and we were very fortunate to have a meeting with medical staff before bringing our loved ones home.
The big message was .......you must not forget to look after yourselves as it is very important that you don't let yourself become worn out and neglect your own health.
The patients become used to the best of care and attention whilst they are in cardiac units and though it will be unintentional they can become quite selfish.
After that I attended rehab classes with him and we learned that there is life after heart surgery and again that the carers were important too and need support.
Thyroid problems don't display themselves like other illnesses as we all know to our cost.
I definitely feel that my friends dismiss it without any understanding.Fortunately my husband is as supportive of me as I am of him.
I think your partner would do well to think about the journey she has been on and ask herself where she would be now without your love and care ?
Talk to her and I do hope you can both strengthen your relationship.
Please don't bottle things up though.....as has been said by others we are all here to support you....good luck.
I’m on here because my sister was diagnosed 4 months ago with hypothyroidism and I’ve spent hours, days, and months talking and researching to find ways to help her cope and alleviate her symptoms. “...oh I am sick of this thyroid thing it’s all I ever hear of these days...” so is my sister - aren’t you? So, what’s to argue about? How can you not agree with that statement? Even my sister did when I showed her this thread and I very much doubt you actually relish your thyroid condition do you?! So why not agree with your partner (because I’m sure you do) have yourself a good old groan, let her have a good old grumble, like a pair of old crocks and move on! By all means clear the air but don't be getting divorced or splitting up over it! Geez, now who’s being the intolerant one?
And remember this, hormonal mood swings are not exclusive to females, particularly now with your thyroid out of whack. You didn't choose this woman because her temperament is a clone of yours, life would be very boring that way.
“...it’s all I ever hear of these days...” Yep, we are all living, eating and sleeping it at the moment (that’s why I'm on here researching), though it’s my sister who does all the suffering, whilst it’s new and out of control!
In the car the other day i was feeling cold esp my feet as we do so i turned the heating on. Does it help to have the heating up because my sister’s hand and feet are like ice so it doesn't seem to make a blind bit of difference how hot she has the car or house! So she just leaves it to her partner to regulate the temperature and put a few more layers on (doesn't make much difference) so others don’t have to suffer also.
My father-in-law suffers Alzheimer’s and he really feels the cold so is always turning the thermostat up; my mother-in-law still suffers hot flushes so opens the window to cool down and then they have a good old grumble over the heating bill. I keep a hand fan in the car for when I’m suffering hot flushes and never wear my coat in it when travelling with others though I'll open the window a crack if it’s not too cold outside . . . oh I do so love winter then I'll have all the windows open in the car when I'm on my own.
Best bit of advice would be to show her this thread and you can both discuss and criticise the various comments, agree and disagree together, then decide what’s right for you both!
Henry, I'm the sick one in the family and yet my hubby who is healthy as a horse is the complainer. Your partner may feel what she has been through is far worse than what you are dealing with. Do you agree? I sometimes feel that pouring his problems on me is selfish. It makes him appear weak and I don't respect that in a man. Plus does it really do you any good to keep your partner informed of what you are going through or are you testing to see how much she really cares?
When you are ill, it is the lonliest struggle, but I suggest you place your concerns on your healthcare givers instead, which makes me think that is why you need to use your partner for this since the healthcare givers are totally neglectful there. If you truly love her, try to spare her. I think she has been through a real trauma and is still worried she may lose her life.
If I have some facts completely wrong, I apologize, but just another thought about this situation.
Well, Henry, I'm the last person to give Relationship advice, given my record! But you've had a lot of advice here from some very kind people - kinder than me, in any case! My personal opinion is that if you're not happy in a Relationship, why waste your precious spoons on it! But that's just me...
I was married to a man who had 'health concerns', and who considered that my role in life was to look after him (never mind the children!), and his role was to be looked after. And I was not allowed to be ill! He couldn't even tolerate me having a cold, and behaved as it I was sneezing on purpose to annoy him (yes, it was a lot like living in 'Wonderland', only not so wonderful!).
I had not been diagnosed at the time, but had many hypo symptoms, like weight gain (not tolerated), fatigue (not tolerated), seriously heavy and painful monthlies (not tolerated) etc. When I had a hysterectomy, he really didn't want to take time off to look after the children for two weeks, whilst I was in hospital, and complained about having to visit me (not for the pleasure of seeing him but to see my children - and certainly not for the flowers and little gifts, because he never once brought me anything, not even on Mother's Day!!!). And as soon as I got out of hospital - home to a house in a horrible state - he was off like a shot, leaving me to cope with three children as best I could...
And all I can say is, thank god I divorced him before my Hashi's got really bad! As it is, I believe that the reason it got so bad was the strain of living with him, spending my life walking on eggs, never knowing what would set him off. The stress, you know. And I just think some people are just like that. Totally selfish! People who think that the world revolves round them, and nobody else matters.
But it was something that only I could decide. Have to say that the majority of people that met him thought he was a great guy - a man's man! And I was a wingeing mill-stone round his neck - as they sat eating the gourmet meals I'd cooked them, in the beautiful house I'd restored and decorated... etc. Only I knew what went on behind closed doors.
You have to decide how good your Relationship is, and whether it's Worth hanging on to and fighting for. Or whether you'd be better off without the stress it causes you. There is no magic formula for saving a Relationship. Every one is different and works on a different level with a different impetus. Only you can know what to do.
But know that you have my deepest sympathy. It must be so destressing for you. I can so easily put myself in your shoes. Take heart, and know that you have many understanding friends here, whith whom you can chat - and to whom you can rant - any time you like.
It may well be, as someone else has said, that she is simply frightened that if she needs to rely on you again (if the cancer recurs) you will be ill and unable to help her. But that doesn't really excuse her attitude. A relationship should be 50/50 i.e. you should both give the same amount. I have to say my partner doesn't want to know about my symptoms or test results and that's frustrating because sometimes it would be helpful to have another point of view on what I think is going on.
Another thing is that people who don't know about thyroid issues think it's very minor. Whereas obviously cancer is serious and can be fatal. Those of us who have thyroid issues know it's not minor but I think it's one of those things which no-one quite understands unless they are unlucky enough to experience it themselves. People in general know very little about the thyroid and what it is - I can remember two men who both said they didn't think they had a thyroid because it was a female thing. So a lot of people see it as being like having a bad cold - don't complain, everyone gets colds, it will get better.
It's a shock when you have to come to terms with the fact that your partner doesn't behave as you expected them to. It makes everything seem less secure and that's made worse by the fact that you are not feeling well. You need to think about how you are going to deal with this new knowledge, but don't make any sudden decisions unless you have an absolute gut feeling to do so.You either have to accept that your partner has this attitude and that you have to deal with your problems yourself and not let it worry you that it hurts that she seems not to care enough, or if you can't accept that and feel it is adding to your problems, be on your own. And although it may be hard on your own, you will manage it as many others have. But as you say you feel the depression kicking in I would say wait until you are feeling on a more even keel. I have a rule never to make major decisions when I am feeling tired or down. Good luck.
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It could well have been fear - I really do not know....it was not discussed 
GP scared me. Help understand results please. 
Please someone help me ! 
Please help me with my list!
Help me go in prepared please!! 
? If going back on HRT will help me?
