Thyca - today I'm cancer free...my initial feelings...

[BSGTraveller]

....to all within this forum, I wish to thank everyone for advice, support and most of all the genuine care people have taken to respond to my posts/queries. This forum is invaluable. I wish I signed up when I was diagnosed not after treatment that's my key learning.

So yes, today my Oncologist informs me that RAi has cleared all cancers cells and residual Thyca tissue. My T3 was low according to my private blood tests. She ignored this and said it's not too low so let's just monitor in months to come. She didn't understand why I got this tested. She advised I reduce my dosage to 125mg. When I discussed all the other issues/side effects she's confident it's nothing to do with treatment or Thyroid. So this still leaves me with lack of clarity on issues. I complained to her about my Endo not being available nor responding to my queries via email since 3mths. She can't say or do anything about this. So I have to find a new Endo on NHS.

As a man I learnt I didn't know how to handle my illness - i became angry, i isolated myself from rest of world, I withdrew from society, I felt lost, I became overly emotional all the characteristics I never really knew I would react in such a way..etc....today.....I feel numb, lost, a void, still trying to absorb but my mind is empty...this has dominated my every waking moment, it's been my focus for 18mths, i allowed it to stop me from living.... I wish I handled things differently....what now? I really don't know whether I should be jumping for joy....I'm not, I don't know why?!!

What I do know is again giving thanks to everyone here. I will continue to use this forum as this issue still remains for the rest of my life. And will continue to post and offer any relevant advice within my capacity or moral support.

Thanks for reading and helping all.

Best wishes

[researcherUK]

Bless you, enjoy the good news!

It's a reality and it will take some time for you to be reassured.

It's all over and there is no need to look back. We are only humans and we are very vulnerable.

Thanks for sharing!

[shaws]

I am very happy you have got the all clear re thyca. I think that diagnosis would shake most people to their core as suddenly you have something you'd never dream you would develop.

Now that you are o.k. I am sure you can now slowly, slowly begin to get over the diagnosis as you're fine.

As you say, we have a life-long condition so you are now on an even keel and the way forward should be fine. You'd think Endocrinologists should be/would be more understanding of people with a dysfunctional thyroid gland but I think they are really out of their depth with little knowledge except reading a TSH and T4.

It would be good if they could follow the 'old school' - most retired now where they took account of the clinical symptoms as a priority and knew all of them. No blood tests then, just a trial of NDT

Regards.

[Nanaedake]

Don't beat yourself up about your feelings. Thyroid cancer unlike other cancers affect our ability to control or even feel emotion. This is because the thyroid hormones affect our whole body including our ability to experience joy. It's not your fault, it's just how the treatment affects us. Whereas before our body responded quickly to emotion and released adrenalin to give us that little kick of excitement and joy, for some reason after thyroidectomy, it seems our body just can't respond like that anymore. It's highly disappointing but my experience is that it either improves somewhat or we adapt.

Thyroid hormone affects our perceptions of the daily events we experience so things that gave us pleasure and joy before can seem flat and things that were a challenge and gave a bit of a buzz before simply feel stressful. So feeling disappointed and not being able to jump for joy about your survival is understandable.

Eventually when hormones settle down in a few years time, things will be a lot better but it's thyroidectomy, unlike some doctors seem to think is not a quick fix and it's a long haul back to normality. In fact, I would say it's a changed normality. Having said that, my life is good. I'm working full time and friends and family have stuck around so just grab the good from each day and keep plodding but don't expect too much from yourself and don't be surprised people don't understand.

[jezebel69 in reply to Nanaedake]

Thankyou so much for such a good explanation of this - as a therapist I never know when I might meet with this in my counselling room and I can now have greater empathy.

[startagaingirl in reply to jezebel69]

Hi - try reading the article I posted a link to below. You may well know it already, so apologies if you have. A similar numbness can hit us all!

[startagaingirl]

Hi - don't be so hard on yourself, getting over cancer of any sort is very difficult and hits each of us differently. The first couple of years especially can be a bit of a nightmare of what ifs and fear of recurrence. I came across the article below through the Macmillan community (I had endometrial cancer diagnosed early 2015). it is written by a psychologist who works with cancer patients. It is a bit of a read but it may help you to understand that everyone struggles. It has helped many others.

workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-...

Gillian

[Hidden]

I am glad that you have the all clear. Good Luck