Just need a bit of support please x

Hi everyone, this is veering off topic slightly but I have no-one I can talk to about this. My Dad had an endoscopy yesterday and found out he has a lump, I think in his oesophagus. It will be up to 2 weeks before we get the results of the biopsy but I'm just a mess at the thought that we might lose him. My Mum has asked me not to say anything to my kids (14 and 10) yet but I'm struggling yet the thought of their reactions is just too horrible as they are close to their Grandad. It's almost exactly 2 years to the day we found out my Brother had a brain tumour (which so far is in remission) but it was the stress of that (I think) that brought on my hypothyroidism so I'm also scared of making myself ill again. It's been such a crap 2 years and I had such high hopes for this one and now I'm just gutted, I feel physically sick. I love my Dad so much and I don't know what we'll all do without him :-( I know I'm jumping the gun but it is looking highly likely that it's cancer.

Sorry for the depressing post but my Mum and Dad don't want anyone else knowing until they have the results, not even my brother so I have no-one to talk about it with.

Nat x

11 Replies

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  • That's a big burden for one person, if your parents aren't keen on people knowing then they shouldn't have shared with just you. It's done though and I have no suggestions about how you cope with this as everyone is different. Firstly though, yes, you are jumping the gun and giving yourself unnecessary worry but it's done and very difficult to turn off. Try to think more positively, it may not be cancer, if it is it may be eminently treatable and perhaps for your own peace of mind you could research a little into how your Dad may help himself to deal with this, sometimes it can be therapeutic to know what you're facing and the best options? Whether you share this news with your children is ultimately your decision, they're your children after all and they have to learn to deal with the unpleasant things in life as well as all the joy. I'd also be looking at me and making sure I'm as healthy as I can be too, with two lots of cancer in the family perhaps there's a familial link. One of the things I read over and over is the role of sugar in cancer, worth reading up on too. Knowledge is power ;)

  • Oh gosh, hope it's not hereditary, I really can't cope with anything else to worry about! My brother's was a very rare type, most commonly found in children (he was 46) and if my Dad has what we think he has, it will undoubtedly have been caused by breathing in coal dust as he was a miner for 30 odd years.

  • See you've started thinking logically already :) Knowing what you are dealing with can be a big help.

  • Hi Natchap

    Sorry to hear your worries re your Dad. Is it possible that your Dad has esophagal polyps? If so they do not always lead to cancer but i do understand how worried you must all be. My mum has these which were picked up during an endoscopy. Fingers crossed for all of you. Its easy to say dont worry. We will be thinking of you and your family x

  • Thank you, I have just googled that and yes it is a possibility as dysphagia has been his only symptom I think (unless he has been keeping any others quiet so we didn't nag him to see the gp). That makes me feel a little more hopeful x

  • Lets hope it is straightforward NatChap x

  • I have everything crossed x

  • Hi Natchap, sorry to hear you are going through this, it's always a horrible horrible time waiting to hear if a parent has cancer or not. I have been through this with one of my parents, mine didn't tell me till they knew what it was, so that's a hard thing for your parents to have shared. I think you shouldn't tell your own children until you know for sure, it's not something you can take back and say oh grandad is fine, you don't need to worry now, because children don't work like that. They will still worry because you have opened that door, so I would say having been the child in that scenario, don't open the door until you have to. They won't know you have kept it from them if you do have to tell them and also I think you are so worried now, you won't put it across well. My parent had oesophageal chancer ( the third lot of cancer they had had and it was a completely different type) so I have been through this many times. It isn't a death sentence, they are perfectly fine, have survived all the different types and live a full and very healthy life. I know that is unusual, but you have to be able to give your children the full facts and know that it isn't automatically a death sentence, how they treat cancer now is incredible. Until you know what your dad prognosis is, don't share it with your children you will just be putting the burden of worry on them. If you are struggling, get in touch with Macmillan, they are wonderful and if they can't support you then they will be able to put you onto someone who can and they will be able to help you on how and when to tell your children. Just remember if it is cancer and that is still a big if, then it doesn't mean the worse. As hard as it is, just wait until you have spoken with the professionals and know what they feel are the options. You need to be able to be strong to support your parents too, a lot of people who are counting on you, so not worrying about something you don't know what it is yet nor can you change is the way to get through this. I know that's a hard task but doing some research will help you know the realities, it's what I did and I realised it wasn't quite as bad as I thought and that there are options.

    best of luck, I hope it's nothing serious but there is a lot of support for you if it is.

    kx

  • Thank you..I know I'm probably over reacting but I've been feeling a bit low anyway this last month or so on and off so something like this is just a struggle to deal with. My Mum was so upset on the phone and has obviously already convinced herself of the worst. You're right though, I shouldn't say anything to my kids..gonna have to try and pull myself together until we know what's what. My daughter who is 14 is already the worlds worst worrier and has been worrying about cancer quite a lot just lately..what if she gets it, what if someone else gets it, what if the animals get it...this would devastate her.

    It's very reassuring to know that your parent survived such a lot though, I hope they continue to do so well :-) My Dad is fit and otherwise healthy so fingers crossed x

  • Oh no Nat what a burden! I'm so sorry you've got to go through this seemingly alone. Please talk to your Mum & Dad, if they've shared with you, they too will be frightened & have different thought/fears/reactions and having you to talk to will be better for them & you. I know It will be hard to keep this from the kids but please try not to bottle it up & if you need to get in touch- I've sent a p.m.

    Linda x

  • Hi Nat

    I'm sorry to hear your news. Easy for me to say it but try not to jump the gun. You'll only succeed in winding yourself up and that won't help your hypo state.

    While waiting for the result try and keep positive. Your Dad should eat to improve his immune system to keep himself strong. I suggest lots of antioxidants and anti-Inflammatory foods. Turmeric is the one thing that even doctors admit has a proven effect on lowering inflammation. It is also a treatment the German nhs prescribed for cancer.

    I wish your Dad all the best, and you a restful sleep. Take care of yourself too x

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