My life is awful, almost every aspect of it, and despair has hit hard. I have never really got angry or so tearful but things are just too much. I want a break, pressure, pressure, pressure.
The neighbours are driving me crackers, my dad (although not his fault as he has an axiey condition) is really adding to my stress considerably, he relies on me so much. Where is my anger coming from? I do not get angry or like getting angry. I feel depressed and trapped. I wanted more from my life and despite my best efforts I am not getting far.
I just can't handle it anymore, normally I am the person people come to for help or support, I used to be able to deal with everything so much better. I only sleep around 2 to 3 hours a night so i am exhausted.
Thank you for listening : <
Best wishes
Written by
Kitten-whiskers
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Kitten-whiskers - so sorry to read that you're having a rotten time. Your first step has to be speaking with your Dad, explain how you're feeling and make him realise that you're struggling. I do understand what it's like to have a demanding parent whilst being hypo, in my situation I walked away. Not suggesting you should do that but boundaries must be drawn up.
What are your neighbours doing? Is it a noise issue?
You've got to take back control of your health and your life and perhaps write down a list of your health issues that concern you the most and tackle them one at a time when you're able.
Edit: I don't know how a nervous breakdown is diagnosed. In my medical records the word 'breakdown' was stated, actually it was frustration with inept GPs.
I feel so down, stressed and exhausted. I just want to run away, to get some peace. I really can't cope anymore. Dad is too much for me (I know it's not his fault)
The neighbours are bullies, horrible people. My work load is to much, my study is to much etc etc.
Life is just miserable.
I have spoken to dad but he just says he can't help it, it's his axiety .
The doctor are no good here, it's just how I am wired that and I just have to deal with it is the only response i ever get : <
Kitten-whiskers - just had a quick look through your old posts and 3 months ago you sounded great although with candida not sorted. Is it stress that's the problem now?
Is your Dad under a GP/is he getting the help he needs from the NHS? Assuming you're under the same roof so are there any siblings or other relatives who could speak with your Dad? Have you spoken with Social Services, I've found them to be really helpful.
Are you still keeping a record of your neighbours' anti-social behaviour? One consolation is that Summer's pretty much finished so there'll be less noise from children.
You do need to be careful with your health. My warning came when I had an anxiety attack on the motorway whilst driving to my Mother's, it was terrifying and it forced me to change things.
Hang in there, make changes even though it's hard. Do take care.
Thank you Cinnamon_girl, I really appreciate your reply.
That must have been awful for you, well done on turning it around.
I am recording the neighbours, they phoned the police a few weeks ago and we had to go to the station, because they had made up some ridicously lie, I am determind to get some respect from them whether they like it or not but you are quite right the winter is coming so I will get some peace.
There are no siblings, I don't want to leave as I don't know how he will cope.
You are right I was doing really well and for no obvious reason it just went all down hill, and it feels like i have taken lots of steps backwards, and then the neighbours irrate me all the more.
The candida is worse than ever, but I do have an appointment coming up, so hopefully after 15 years of suffering I will get some help.
When did you last have a blood test for your thyroid gland. I think you should get one a.s.a.p. as you don't sound as if you are on sufficient to me.
If the thyroid hormones are 'out' life becomes very hard as our bodies are trying to compensate for low hormones thus it throws everything skewiff, sleep, anxiety, etc etc.
Make an appointment for the earliest, fast (you can drink water) ask for TSH, T4, T3, FT4 and FT3 (probably wont but ask anyway). Leave 24 hours approx between your last dose of levo and the blood test. Take levo afterwards.
Hello Shaws, I had Levothyroxine, then Nutri Thyroid, Then Cytomel, then Westhyroid pure, then the Liquid T4 - which I have one a week. The liquid is the best of the bunch but still I can only sneak in a small amount every Tuesday.
You've certainly gone the rounds and am sorry one of them didn't suit you. I wonder if you take an anti-histamine tablet 1 hour before your dose if it would help. I read that you could use an anti-h to clarify if you have an allergy to a particular product but it might stop your reaction, being mindful I'm not qualified and its only a guess.
Hello Shaws, I have tried that but It didn't help, but thank you for suggesting it.
When I was first put on Thyroxine 25mcg it was wonderful for about 2 months, then my symptoms starting coming back, I was refused a heigher dose because 'I was 'in range' then I started feeling terrible with hyper syptoms and very high pulse, my Thyroxine was then up'ed to 50mcg (this took around 5 months) , after telling the doctor I felt so much worse it was up'ed to 75 mcg, then 100mcg - So I wonder if I get this reaction because the body see's this as a threat. I oftened wondered if they had given me the increase from 25 to 50 when needed, if things would have been differen't. They never took into account my struggling Adrenals.
I quite agree, it's not dad's fault but how Ill do I have to get before he seeks help. He will not see the doctor and has given up on the Linden Method. First Job he had in 30 years, on a trial period, went in told management he was bored and went home - well that's not helping anyone. Then their is the fact that he sleeps late afternoon theen keeps me up all night, he helps with nothing, I have to do it all - My adrenals are under pressure and I had the ASI test done.
However, I understand its horrible for him, I still feel he should be making an effort. I can not continue in this way, the despair is so bad that I feel I would be better of dead, maybe then he will make an effort.
K-W, the anger is coming from your despair and depression in trying to cope with bullying neighbours, and too many demands on you, father, work and study, which you don't feel well enough to cope with. You need some help in managing these things or you will have a nervous breakdown.
Your council or citizens advice should be able to advise about the neighbours, and you should discuss your workload and how it's impacting your health with your boss, HR or union rep, and see whether accommodations can be made. If your father has a care or social worker they may be able to help him manage his anxiety better.
Thank you Clutter, your right, i am not well enough for all this agro, all I really want at the moment is peace and to relax without having to worry about all the things I need to get done. I have also got the op shortly to have the wisdom tooth out.
I do need to get my life under control somehow.
I was doing so well, and now its all gone to pot.
My dad did do the Linden Method but gave up on that, I have always said he has a destructive mind, if things start to go right, he will find away of ruining it.
The council don't want to deal with the neighbours, so I think the next step is anti social behaviour, always there waiting for when I return home from work, the bad language and aggression, or the local MP or Envirnmental Agency.
you are quite right the neighbours do affect both of us. I did take a Dr's letter with me, but know one is interested anymore, we could only get help in moving if our lives were in danger.
Everything is left to me, so me getting the repairs done on the house, sorting out the garden, the shed, joining the housing websites etc is all down to me, a little unfair I feel as I do work full time, do all the cleaning, doing a course etc - I am just so fed up with it.
I will try to be more positive, things were going well : <
You have one life and are under far too much pressure and sooner or later you'll go pop! Time to think about what you want for yourself. You say that it's not your dad's fault that he's like he is but it's not yours either. Very hard if you have no siblings to share the load. This alone would make anyone feel trapped and angry, let alone the other problems you have and even more so if you feel ill. Is there any way you could move out, somewhere nearby so you can keep an eye on your dad but have some space of your own? Has anyone else a problem with your neighbours? If so perhaps you could get together to make a complaint as they are making your life a misery and you should not have to put up with it. No wonder you're feeling at the end of your tether! You are only human, of course you care for your dad but he also has to realise what all this is doing to you as his daughter and be prepared to get some help for himself. Until then try to look after yourself, learn to say no, ignore your crap neighbours if you can and they might give up if they get no reaction. Good luck
Thank you Christina, I am so relieved that my reactions are 'normal' I thought I was turning into a horrible person.
I am trying to get a house exchange but no one wants to come here, they can see the problem easily. The other neighbours are to frightened to say anything, so just ignore it.
Thank you for all the helpful advice, I really do need to do something to turn things around. I do feel bad because in many ways I have made the situation worse by always picking up the pieces and doing everything. He avoids responsibility.
Debs - you are not a horrible person, in fact you're just the opposite! I'm a bit like you and find it very hard to say no, and sometimes this makes me start to feel resentful. This in turn makes me feel guilty at feeling that way, but the truth is that we all need some space and time for ourselves. It must be especially hard when you can't go home without being subjected to abuse from your neighbours and home should be your refuge. I have no idea why people act the way these people do, other than that they are ignorant, probably uneducated, wasters that have nothing better to do and you are their amusement.
I can only imagine that they have probably never read a book, helped anyone else or see have any sense of beauty in their world. You are so much better than them. I can understand any reluctance you may have in getting help regarding them in case it makes them worse, but you really need to get some proper advice especially if others are getting the same treatment. I hope you are trying to get some help for your Dad because although he probably doesn't mean it and can't help how he is, you should not have to take all the responsibility for him and neither should he expect you to. Ask yourself if you really want to carry on coping with his demands? Do you long to get away and have some sort of independent life, and I don't mean not caring for him, but having a balance. It's very selfish of him if he refuses to address his own issues as it is clearly making you ill, and it won't help him if you get so down that you simply walk away.
I wish you luck and hope things get better for you.
Thank you for your reply, you have hit the nail on the head - The neighbours are proper village idiots, I think maybe some CCTV outside the house maybe in order as they are getting out of control, the parents using the kids to get at us, even keeping the kids out for a while after it's got dark - they should be thinking of the kids welfare. They can't have much going on in their lives as they are always waiting for when I return home - it's a ridicous situation.
Dad has always been selfish so that won't change. I do want my own life but would always look after him as best I could. My hands are tied at the minute but if I was thinking of myself I would be away from here, but I am not like that, so I will have to somehow sort things out round here first.
Hi - I'm sorry to hear that. With all the problems you have to deal with, I'm not surprised your health has gone downhill. Do you still have the problems with your neighbours and your dad? Please try to take care of yourself. Hope the nutritionist helps, as under so much pressure you may have neglected yourself as it sounds like you are the kind who puts everyone else first.
Thank you Christina, you know me so well : > Thankfully with the dark nights and all the rain, the neighbours have not been able to be the problem they normally are, but they had got so much worse, thanks to the police. I also had to have my beatiful Josie put to sleep, and my wisdom tooth removed so I guess it's clear why my health is going back down hill.
I do think this nutritionist is much better than the other two I had seen.
Hi Debs, I'm feeling a lot better at moment. I understand that "end of my tether" feeling as been a horrible couple of years because of my son's Crohn's, he had a life saving op in June and was in hospital for nearly 5 months. At the moment he's better than he's been for years so I'm enjoying a break from the worry. I had also been worried out of my mind about my husband and thought he was ill because of stress but has been diagnosed with PA, has had his loading doses and the improvement is unbelievable. Sometimes I've felt like running away from it all and have like you felt right on the edge of falling apart. Usually when I get to that point, I get a sudden strength from somewhere and know that I would rather go up than down! I'm thinking of trying some counselling as although I appear very calm, inside I'm a mess at times but try to keep it to myself so I don't upset my family. Might help you as well.......
Hello Christina, What a traumatic time you have had, my heart goes out to you all, your poor son and husband - thank goodness they are doing so much better. My partner is very poorly so I can relate to that feeling - He has COPD and prostate cancer.
I appear calm as well but inside sometimes I am a mess, I put it down to the horrible condition and the misery that causes at time. Counselling may help, I did have a few sessions years ago but I found it wasn't for me, in my case the past should be dealt with and then move on, not going over the things that upset/ hurt the most. I am currently working on my self esteem - I think that will help me deal with things differen'tly and I will have less stress as well : >
Two families have left from close to me as could not cope with the same bullying neighbours .Sometimes all you can do is move away as getting the law involved is very difficult and involving solicitors costly and becomes an arms race between solicitors .
We have addictive issues in my family and one of the family members is a Workaholic which is just as serious as an Alcoholic, I have been studying Workaholism and came across a paragraph regarding "Careaholics". It is a deep subject but suffice to say people are getting their feelings of self-worth from caring, during their childhood they have not been shown they are worthwhile just as they are but the more they care for others the more they are potentially valued. This can be a manipulative situation by those wanting to be taken care of and so a pattern is set, the "holic" and the "enabler".
Eventually the Carer becomes depleted in mind, body and spirit. When caring, the adrenals in the early stages, become high, it can happen that one becomes an adrenal junkie needing more and more fixes i.e. searching out caring roles and never learning to say no. At a later stage the adrenals become exhausted leading to Adrenal fatigue which as many can attest here is a serious health issue.
The answer to adrenal exhaustion is not a quick fix but a complete look at one's life and behaviour, if you do not heed what your body is telling you then you become very ill.
Firstly, you need to look at what drives you on, is it "guilt" or "should and oughts" or some other feeling that needs to be held up to the light to question, with the help of a good Counsellor. Secondly you have to find yourself which has been lost over the years. The practice of Mindfulness is very helpful in this regard as it brings you back into the moment and more in touch with yourself.
Perhaps your dad could go into Respite or a Care Home, is this something that you could seriously consider as you owe it to yourself that you matter too. Neighbours is another difficulty, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy may help here in lowering anxiety, MIND do free sessions in this regard.
More than anything you have to start giving up, this does not mean being defeative far from it but being sensible and saying I am only human I cannot continue doing so much. A Zen saying is "Don't do something sit there"! Slow down, simplify life, it is not meant to be a rush to get somewhere, we are already where we need to be, think about it. Be brave and tell yourself that you matter too. x
My dad is very reluctant to do anything, any suggestion is met with "that won't work" or you don't know what it is like" which of course is true but life for me has never been a basket of roses and all I am trying to do is help but I do have so much to do to get me well and for me to have a better life to. The stress, pressure and agro really is too much.
I am very drained and have had enough, what sympathy I have had for him over the years is disappearing rapidly, from one addiction to another.
He has a distructive mind and only he can change that
If your Dad was considered fit and capable enough to take-on a job, then, frankly, he is capable of spending more time on his own. Without you acting as a daughter/wife. The more you do for him, at the expense of your own fragile health, the more he will expect you to do.
I don't know you personally and I apologise if you are perhaps offended by anything I write, but the pain and despair in your posts is very affecting.
You must have some respite soon or you will break. I, too, think that at some point you may have to move out. As drastic as this may seem, you are a slave kept in chains by your powerful sense of loving duty and loyalty. Alas your Dad's situation and his selfishness encourage him to exploit your goodness.
You're ill. You need peace of mind and peaceful surroundings. Could you spend, say, every other Saturday night in a budget hotel? Like Travelodge or similar? Many such rooms cost £29 per night, sometimes less off-season. You could even have a nice cup of tea in town then spend from 4pm onwards in the hotel. Until 12 noon the next day! If you can find some regular form of escape from the pressure-cooker your home has become, it would do you the world of good xx
Thank you for your reply and suggestions, I am not at all offended, sometimes we need things pointed out to us, things that are obvious for others to see. I completely agree and I have been making changes since this was posted and thankfully things are not as bad as they were. Thankfully the police dealt with the neighbour situation - so that is a mile better than it was, that's not to say I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I have been a little tougher bit It is not my strong point, it has been pointed out that I am 'to soft' which I am, I have always put others before me, but I am working on it. This health condition has taught me an awful lot and I am determind to get well.
Kitten you are welcome to private message me if you want to, there is much we could discuss in regard to co-dependency issues and much to learn. You somehow have to find your inner strength and take your power back that you are giving away, not easy I know but we can change, we really can with the right help.
Sometimes we need to be needed, and to act against our own interests in order to prioritise the needs of another. This need can be subtle; we may not be aware of it. All too often it ends up destroying the person concerned. Without good health the carer won't be able to continue the self-sacrifice, so the situation may end badly for all concerned. Just a thought x
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