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Getting ready for my annual mud bath (at Glastonbury), whether I need it or not!

Today I realized how long it was since I last put pen to paper or rather tapping finger to badly bashed keyboard. Time has flown by, my man's business has been busy and I have had to to step up my level of answering more telephones and more in depth inquiries. Also getting on with the marketing and looking after his various pages.

We also had a very leary party to celebrate being 50 and 60 invited everybody expecting nobody, but of course everybody plus more turned up. I cooked for a long time in advance, and he arranged for loads of beer barrels to come rolling in with a tide of wine. I made heaps of provisions suitable for an endless midnight feast, alongside the dinner for up to 80 people I had planned,

As the day loomed various exceptionally nosey neighbours heavily hinted that they had noticed various cars arriving, bunting flying and cars parked at jaunty angles on what used to be a perfect front lawn. It made absolute sense to me to put them there as I was not using it. Various policeman style walks of surveillance took place. People do actually inspect each other's lawns. Actually mine will be due a dose of heavy inspection in the next month as I will be installing or rather half submerging three giant tractor tyres into it, which will form arty flower beds full of giant alliums in the summer alongside foxtail lilies, blue towering delphiniums, green gladioli and some fifteen foot blue giant spire plants from the Canary Islands.

One man a few doors away, seems on a daily basis, to not think that his deep surveillance through a parted laurel hedge has not been picked up by myself, little does he know that my Ms Marple like tendencies are way ahead of his. and that his wife's heavy use of military high powered binoculars, has certainly not passed me by. If needs be I shall be giving them something to look at.

Rather disturbingly they share the same names as previous neighbours before our recent big move. Far more alarming was my husband's need to be over neighbourly and invite them to our party. I did one of my snarly welcoming smiles and shoved drinks at them in half pint nasty neon plastic cups. I had banned any glasses at our party as they are always wild and barefoot and outside. They had arrived a good half an hour before the party started, so 2 30 in the afternoon, and announced upon arrival, that in the entire 30 years of living in the area they had never been invited any where in the street, and stayed until after midnight. Only being forced into their own house when my teenagers plus their friends took over the top of my large kitchen table as a dance floor and proceeded to do frantic lewd and wild dancing until 6 am.

They did say they had never seen anything like it, the live band or the fire pit with lots of people dancing around it, or indeed the amount of pies I had made. I did notice they stayed glued to the kitchen and sampled everything that came past them. They have now since the party developed an unhealthy over interest in our front and back lawns. My husband intends to use their dismay and OCD to make them sort them our actual lawns out, as of course they have theirs looking like bowling greens. It will have to be by appointment only! I can see where this is going. He will set it all up and then go out and leave me to become highly irritated and annoyed and badly behaved. When I am like this I hiss and snap through gritted teeth with glinty eyes and foul language slips out like nobody's business.

Dithers came to the party and lots of other friends and we stayed up playing music and dancing until 6 am. Some people then went off to the beach to enjoy the sunrise and said they had not been that wild for 30 years and can we have another one. I think so. my husband is bored already with work and wants another one in the autumn. By this time he will have have used his ancient engineering qualifications to turn an old boiler into some sort of suspect device which will heat up water in my old bright pink cast iron bath on legs, and also our new home made hot tub. This will be all positioned under the trees in our garden The high powered binoculars in the area will certainly have their work cut out.

Our area has a tendency at times for snobby overtones and people serve canapes with drinks. I served vast vats of cheesy wosits as having found they are gluten free I felt an urge to purchase 50 large packets....people really fell over themselves to stuff them in, they are a very retro snack, or anti canape as I now call them. They went nicely with all the holes my husband made in lawn looking for a very very hidden electrical power point, right up until an hour before the party, the garden looked as if some terrible mole of outstanding proportions had burrowed underneath it. Once it was found and smoothed over, soon people put tents over the ugly bits... He had spent a week feverishly trying to locate the electrical supply with a string of emails with the previous house owner, I hope they don't see what he has done to the garden, this was in order to snake very suspect disco coiled lighting right through the garden in amongst the flower beds. Having announced the project a success, he then forgot to turn any of them on until around midnight!

Dithers chilled out at our party and told tales of London life, she has been driven around the bend in her new job answering housing queries, being very efficient, she is up to the minute sorting out damp, vermin, pests, noise, bills, warring tenants etc, only to find that her requests for urgency fall into a bureacratic black hole to nowhere not of her making, involving a repair team who don't answer the phone or email or fax, leaving her at the mercy of an endless stream of hopping made tenants, who think she sits and twiddles her thumbs with her feet up. However when she is not at work a very red blooded man arrives at the speed of light and behaves like a good old fashioned bodice ripper! Its only a matter of time before the legs are off her bed again. I did arrive once at her flat to find her sleeping on the floor amidst the debris of her previous bed, which indicated to me something had been going on in there!

She regularly goes home after a ten hour day to relax and is usually looking after a friend's endless stream of animals, a mate who is super busy and travels the world photographing strange creatures. This week a hamster who spins in it's wheel or night and makes squeaky noises who has been banished to the bathroom. Prior to Hammy moving in. a family of field mice rustling in a tank, and only months previously a manic cat who had not made the transition to going outdoors and used her entire flat as a trampoline at night time whilst making burring peruppp noises. When not visiting me or looking after these she then ventures over to a close relatives house to manage two yapping dogs who have been reared in a culture extreme indulgence and must be petted and pampered and sleep on top of her in bed. The thought of the dog breath would just about finish me off. Mind you I indulge my ancient mog, who sleeps on the end of my bed in a basket, she recently survived two strokes and a heart attack. I was expecting stiff cat syndrome in the morning after these events, but was awoken to her standing over me demanding fine foods. Much to my husband's disgust I cooked her a salmon steak and she has been fine although frail, ever since. She is eighteen and a half and has now used up all her nine lives, and is older than both my youngest teenagers.

Seeing as this is a Thyroid forum, not really for my endless droning and wittering, I am pleased to say climbing up on Nature Thyroid, I am much better, I have now lost well over a stone and a half in weight and grown half my hair back, despite my now 6 other conditions, (Yawn and snore etc). I did of course prepare myself with D, B and iron and worked hard with Dr BDP to help my adrenals etc, and read all the right books plus became informed on here! I am still working with him on this.

This time around, when my husband wanted to take me to a works ball I was actually able to go. We started the evening scrubbed and polished. I floated down the stairs like Margo Leadbetter, but did at the end of the evening go up the stairs on all fours more like Lassie on a rescue mission. I actually - gasp - etc, put on a dress to go to this event. We did just about behave ourselves but those black tie events are not really for us, we are far too wild and rebellious. My husband did come across in one photograph as sporting a Robert De Niro stare, I was very pleased with him, and he managed not to shred the hire suit so we did not have to pay extra. Although he had managed to get a huge yellow splat on the white shirt before we even left the house to get to the event.

The next day to get over things we attempted to spruce up our utility room, by trying to obtain new doors to the cupboards to match the ones in the kitchen. Having talked to a very very complicated man on the telephone, who seemed to wish me to measure the existing doors in a way I had never heard of, I used centimetres and did the actual length and width etc, and his muddling instructions drove me almost to drink again, but not quite, my husband then said how ridiculous Mary just measure it don't be silly. I shoved the phone at him, and then saw him in turn become more and more bemused. The man then ordered us to photograph the doors, even though he had the original order in front of him from the previous owners of the house. My husband then of course, photographed the doors we don't want any more which were hideous and vile in 1982 let alone now, rather than photographing the new doors in the kitchen that we actually want to match. I then received a very strange call the next day from the man saying he had not seen that sort of door for decades and did not have it in stock. The end of this shaggy dog tale involved the said man driving 45 miles to see us about two cupboard doors, only to find that we had just driven back from exactly where he had come from. All solved now and in progress.

Our new house is suiting us well, having left Beastly on Sea and moved inland by ten miles to a nice edge of town situation. I can now walk to the doctors, if I have to, I can get myself and the children to hospital easily, either locally or in London, and we now await building our loft extension. Our immediate neighbours are all lovely and want to have fun with us which makes a great change and are fairly amused at our day to day antics.

My man is scooping us all up and taking us to Glastonbury Festival for a whole 8 days tomorrow, to live there and semi work for a whole week. I have survived many a muddy one, but would like some nice weather this time. My days of fishermans waders worn with sequined mini skirts are over. My teens have finished their GCSE's and A Levels and despite low attendance at school due to awful illnessare expected to have done well. They deserve a break.

There is actually a fully size tented GP surgery on the next field to ours, it will be easier to get an appointment there.

More Fuss soon.



20 Replies

Can't stop laughing! So sorry was unable to come to your birthday celebrations. Have a fab time at Glastonbury. X


Thanks, see you some other time. MaryF


Mary-I really wish you were my neighbor. It would be so much fun. ;)


Thank you, you never know! MaryF x


so nice to hear from you after all this time ...... yet another insight into your busy family ,I hope the kids do really well in their exams . would have loved to have seen the look on the peoples faces with the table-dancing though ...... at least you know how to enjoy yourself ......have a super time at glasto [ and don't get too wet .....alan x


All the best to you. MaryF x


you to girl ...... give 'em some gip at the fest !!!!!


I shall simply hang out. MaryF x


hope the gantry you hang out from isn't tooo high [ don't forget your way to the vinho bar !!!]...... and make sure hubby has a nice soft platform for you to land on ...... mega yuks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....alan xxxxx


I love reading your post- such fun! Have a great tine at Glastonbury. Clemmie x


Thank you. MaryFx


What a fab start to my week - you write so beautifully I could picture everything perfectly (with made up faces obviously) What a hoot - I thought our parties were pretty good but yours sounds just brilliant - wish I'd been there :-)

Have a fab time at Glastonbury - I'll look

forward to reading all about it x

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Well thank you - cheers to you. MaryFx


Great post ,you really have a way with words that can put a smile on anyones face.I love reading your posts and looking forward to the next instalment.x


Yes well the next installment will be 'tantrums had' having packed the caravan and car, my husband has just realized that four more huge suitcases need to go in! MaryF

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Wonderful Mary, so miss your blogs. Enjoy Glastonbury ( don't forget your wellies) x


Another dreadful one will be forthcoming soon, as I have just arrived home.... MaryF


MaryF, I do believe this is the first of your blogs I have read. It made me laugh out loud. I can see your nosy neighbours watching your lawns and wondering what you are getting up to next. It is nice to know that you have not lost your sense of humour while being Hypo. So pleased the Nature Thyroid is working for you. I am just at the stage of adding T3 to levo; not enough yet though.

Have a great time at Glastonbury, would love to be there with you but distance is a slight problem at the moment.

I look forward to reading the next instalment of the 'Life of MaryF'.

Best wishes

Barb x


Hi there, thanks, there are plenty of old blogs, going back years now! MaryF x


I will have to go looking then. Thanks for telling me.

Barb :-)


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