I want to end it all

For the last few days, I have been planning how to end my life. I am so incredibly lonely and ill that I see no reason to keep going. I have no friends and my family think I am a hypochondriac and want nothing to do with me. I live at home with my mum and sister, but spend every day on my own inside the house. I have asked them several times if they would go anywhere with me and they say no. My sisters call me an embarrassment because I cried at a 40th birthday a few months ago.

I visited my doctor on Monday and begged could my levothyroxine be increased to 75mcg. I have been on 50mcg since diagnosed nearly a year ago. She refused and was incredibly angry. Basically told me that my thyroid was stable, it was a wasteof time going to an endo and that no tablet will fix this. She knows of previous bullying I endure from my sisters, so she says that this is the cause of my problems. Her solution is more exercise

As Im not working, I feel as if I am stuck here. I can not afford to move out, but feel Im dying slowly, so I may as well just end it now. I was previously advised of a good private endo in Ireland, but on social welfare it will take forever to save to see her

I have always suffered from anxiety and sleep problems, I have seen psychiatrists who basically said that they can do no more for me and I have to accept life long insomnia and anxiety. Even at my lowest points previously, I have never endured mental pain and desolation like this. Its frightening, but I feel as if I have nothing or no one. I cant see any alternatives

39 Replies

  • Oh, please don't. I can't give you any good reason why not, except that surely it can't get worse, which means something has to get better. A stupid idea probably, but could you join a religious organization (even a cult)? They seem to do good job of making people feel better about life, and at least it would get you away from that destructive house.

  • No! Please don't let them win!

    I don't normally suggest self medication directly, but surely worth trying if you feel that bad and no help available!

    Do you have Samaritans in Ireland?

  • Hi Angel of the North,

    Thanks for replying. I live in Ireland, I'm not so sure we have cults here. But you have given me an idea, maybe there might be places like retreats or meditation centres that are free. Im so desperate, I would go anywhere. I have been keeping it all in for months. I cant talk to my family as they just tell me to stop crying and that I have brought all this on myself and that i have only myself to blame for no one wanting tohave anything to do with me. A few minutes ago, I asked my mum if she would go for a meal with me, but she said she would prefer to go to bingo with my sister

  • So sorry you are feeling this way. Give it a bit more time and look around for some group or other to join. Isolation isn't good is it? Also, ask your Mum if she can go for a meal on another date and read up on here about how people approach their GPs. You might need to add some T3 to your Levothyroxine. Don't give up. x

  • You poor thing, its no wonder your feeling like you do, with results like those. when you get your levels of the following up you will feel a lot better

    ferritin (best for most people is 70-90), folate (around 12), vitamin B12 (above 500)

    When you feeling poorly you cant cope with any criticisms or slights, I realise that i couldn't bear being around some family members when I was at my lowest, I just went to bed and hid under the covers.

    I promise you will feel more strong and able to cope with things onces you have improved your vitamins and minerals. I bet your low on vit D as well, Perhaps you can get a private test for £25, when i find the link I will send it.

    Please don't give up, It takes time but I promise you will feel better xxx

  • hang on there... Most of us here have been through something similar. I've spent last summer crying everywhere, on the streets supermarkets, parties. Now feeling a bit better I see all was because of my thyroid. t3 helped me. maybe your gp would give you a trial?? But your vitamins will have to be up the range too. So its not you, not at all. Its this quiet disease that undermines our self confidence, our lives, our bodies, our minds. Even if you think you have nothing to live for, live to get better, to sort out your thyroid. you deserve to feel good. Call Samaritans or MIND they helped me so much

  • Hypo-hell, I'm sorry you feel so unhappy and desolate and you aren't getting support from your family and GP. It may be worth seeing a different GP who is more empathetic and will consider raising your dose. Last time you posted results your TSH was 1.96 and FT4 14. While these are in range, they aren't optimal and a dose increase may be helpful. You may need anti-depressants to help you with the anxiety and despair you are currently experiencing too.

    Please don't don't do anything desperate. I was suicidal in 2013 but I managed to get my thyroid meds and levels good early in 2014 and things have been so much better since. Please call the Samaritans on the number I PMd to you. Talking through your despair to a good, non-judgemental listener can be very therapeutic.

  • I am so sorry you feel so bad but it is my belief it is your doctor's fault. You are not on sufficient thyroid hormones at a miserly 50mcg. It is hell on earth the way you feel at present but your thyroid hormones are out of whack.

    People who don't have hypothyroidism cannot possibly know or even dream that it could be their worst nightmare.

    I don't even know if your GP will read Dr Toft's advice (he was President of the British Thyroid Association). It tells GPs how low our TSH can go and I expect your 'no nothing at all about the thyroid gland' GP has a clue how desperate our brain is crying out for T3. with such a low dose of T4 there's no way it can convert to sufficient. Email louise.warvill@thyroiduk.org and as for a copy of the Pulse online article. Read and highligh question 6.

    It's your turn to be angry with your GP and run off this as well as Dr Toft's and put it in an envelope asking her to read.


    This is also an excerpt from the following link and I hope you are well enough and angry enough to read it. It's from the question/answer and go to date November 20, 2002

    "Keep in mind that T4 alone is the least effective thyroid hormone preparation, and 50 mcg is an extremely small amount. I seriously doubt that 50 mcg is benefiting you in any way. It may, however, be harming you.

    T4 is highly effective at one thing: suppressing TSH secretion by the pituitary gland. T4 can suppress pituitary TSH secretion while leaving the metabolism of other tissues so slow that the patient continues to suffer from hypothyroid symptoms. Consequently, the doctor concludes (from the lowered TSH) that the patient is well; in the mean time, the patient suffers from continuing hypothyroid symptoms. Even worse, if the T4 dose is too low, the patient’s symptoms may actually worsen.

    It's possible that the paltry amount of T4 you’re taking, by lowering your TSH level, has reduced your thyroid gland’s release of T4 and T3. The T4 you're taking may be far too little to compensate for your thyroid gland’s reduced thyroid hormone output. As a result, the small dose of T4 you’re taking may actually be worsening some harmful effects of your hypothyroidism. The Physician’s Desk Reference contains an important statement largely ignored by conventional doctors: "Inadequate doses of Synthroid [and by extension, any other brand of T4] may produce or fail to resolved symptoms of hypothyroidism."[1,p.1500] (Italics mine.) Doctors currently restricting their hypothyroid patients to small doses of T4 would do well by their patients to read and seriously consider the implications of this quote."

    How dare the GP be angry. You see, she's knows nothing - nothing at all about the workings of the thyroid gland and how hormones affect us if they're not at an optimum level.


    Tell her this is from a scientist who was also a doctor who treated thousands of us, properly. I again repeat this sentence.

    Doctors currently restricting their hypothyroid patients to small doses of T4 would do well by their patients to read and seriously consider the implications of this quote."

  • Hang in there Hypo-hell, we're here for you.

    I'm only on 50 Levo too so struggling to compose a proper reply. You must go back to your doctor - a different one, your GP was probably angry as they didn't know what to do. (hugs) J x

  • Hey Hypo-hell, you're feeling that everything is hopeless because of depression - it makes you feel that everything is hopeless. If we can lift the depression a bit you'll begin to feel that you can see a glimmer of a way forward. When I feel depressed I always feel like running away. Depression is familiar to a lot of us with thyroid problems, it's a classic sign of low levels of thyroid hormone. You can cut 50 tablets in half so you can raise dose to 75 yourself. You have to manage this because it sounds like your GP can't. By the time your GP notices, you will know if taking 75 helps. In my experience although GPs don't likie increasing your dose they seldom try to reduce it if you start to feel better. You may even find that you're anxiety and sleep improve. Managing a health condition is a partnership between a doctor and patient, especially with a long term condition. It's time to lead for a bit! Good luck!

  • Please, please don't do anything awful. The grandson of a former work colleague did that on Monday afternoon. I only knew of him through working with her but the ripples have reached me and I'm crying at the thought that you feel you want to end your life. This boy was 18, really clever, loved, dearly loved by his family and friends and I know that my friend will never recover from this. She is elderly and has been ill and I can't see how she can possibly recover.

    Your doctor is just a bully. Worse still because she knows you have been bullied and are fragile. Your mother - well- I don't know what to say, mothers can be weird. Mine always preferred my brother, I don't know why because he's a louse - I know that I'm much nicer than him 😊Eventually I came to terms with the fact that she did the best she knew how with me , it definitely wasn't what I would have done but it was what she thought was best.

    Like your mother I'm not sure she ever understood me. I was the 'difficult one' - I wasn't really but it suited her to think that - she thinks you're a hypochondriac, you are definitely not - you need to get yourself well and prove to them that you're not - that you are I'll!

    Speak to the Samaritans, you can phone them or (I think) email them, they will listen to you and help you through this.

    I found this letter for the family of thyroid patients, maybe you could let your mother see it and talk about it with her.http://thyroid.about.com/od/bookssupportresources/a/letter-to-family-friends.htm

    Are there any other family members or friends or neighbours that you could talk to, you might be surprised to find that people a bit distanced from your mother and sisters are actually sympathetic to your cause but you just don't realise that.

    God luck but please, please don't do anything awful, it's so final, get rid of your horrible doctor, get more thyroxine and get better.

    What would happen if you increased you dose for a month to see how you feel and just told her you had lost a packet? She can only grumble but she sounda a pain anyway.

  • Hi Aurealis,

    The loneliness is killing me. Nobody wants anything to do with me. Am facing another night on my own after being given out to for 30 minutes for crying and them telling me its my own fault that no one wants to be with me. I feel so hurt and betrayed as when I was well, I was the first person to help anyone in trouble or those that needed anything. I dont know why God is making me suffer like this. I have begged for help but everyone just gives out and insults me or if they are in better form, I just get ignored

  • Dear Hypo-hell,

    Please don't do anything to yourself. We all know what it is to be disbelieved, which hurts, but it seems you may be in a much worse condition than many of us because you are so lonely. If you drop me a line to let me know where you live in Ireland I might be able to help, as I have a son and his family who live in Hollywood outside Dublin, and they know people who live in the north of Ireland, so surely we can find someone who would be willing to take you under their wing. If you give me your address and phone number, that would help.

    Keep up your courage. We will be praying for you.

  • You are having a hard time with your family and that is truly sad. I think many of us can tell you stories about families and their lack of understanding - but is not what you want to hear at this moment. Everyone is here for you and you may have read that thyroid issues run in families - could it be that your Mum and sisters also have thyroid issues - which can put them on an emotional island and prevent them from having any understanding of how others feel.

    Just a thought....take good care and keep posting and letting us know how things are....

    B12 levels ? VitD levels ? If low these can make you feel depressed - and it is February - one of the worst months of the year for weather and feeling low. Perhaps when the sap begins to rise in nature - it will also bring new hope and energy for you too as Spring unfolds. Our bodies are more connected to the rhythms of nature than we realise. Spring - Summer - Autumn - Winter - we are meant to hibernate in the winter - and emerge in the late spring to enjoy the warmth of summer. Perhaps I sound as mad as a box of frogs - but in these modern times we forget how people lived thousands of years ago.

    Sending you healing thoughts....

  • Heck they sound like the ugly sisters and you are poor Cinderella! I don't know how they can treat you like that but I suppose it is just a habit they have got into and your mother has let it happen. I'm not surprised you feel hurt and lonely. Anyone would in your position. They are not being kind at all.

    If you don't mind me asking how old are you? You've mentioned God - do you go to church and would it be possible to get support there? It would be somewhere you could go to get out of the house. A lot of churches do things as well as going on a Sunday (I think - but I don't go to church myself) Do they run things like lunch clubs for older people where you live? I know our local day centre always need people to help or talk to the elderly people? Or even offer to help in a charity shop, that would give you somewhere to go away from your mother and sister and no one will judge you.

    You are obviously not going to get the help you need from your mother and sister so think where else you can get support. Stay positive and you can do it.

  • Or what about an animal rescue? They always need people to walk the dogs - if you're able - or I'm sure you could do something. I know of an animal rescue in Ireland but not sure where it is. Whereabouts are you?

    But you're not alone, we all know how you feel, most of us have been there. My family have never been very understanding about my illness - they don't even recognise it as an illness - my daughter told me I was just getting treated 'for cosmetic reasons'! My brother told me I was ill because I wanted to be. It hurts. I'm sorry you're having to go through that.

    But you're not alone. You can post on here and have a moan and a rant, and nobody will tell you off. You can pm me if you want a chat - I'm usually in front of my computer doing this or that - or not far away, anyway. Drop me a line when you want.

    Much hugs, Grey

  • Hang on there sweetheart. Know your not alone. Pour your heart out here and pick yourself up. Find a new gp and demand better treatment. You deserve to be well and make a good life. you and Life is worth the effort. hugggs

  • You poor soul your are obviously going though hell. H U will try to help you through it but I think you need a closer contact with someone. whether you are religious or not try to talk to a vicar or priest. They will never turn you away

    God bless you and may you find peace of mind and better health

  • NO! No! No!

    I have read all the replies from others and they are right. IT IS THE MEDICATION!!!

    You are not on enough!!!

    You are in EXACTLY the same psychological state I was 4 weeks ago! Suicidal and just wanting to die.

    I posted here because I was taking 37.5 levo and EVERYONE said RAISE The dosage. So I raised to 50 levo and have felt much better until today. The suicidal thoughts are back and tomorrow I will raise to 62.5 / 50 every other day until I get to 75 levo and then I will hold for 6 weeks. I am doing this without the consent of my GP.

    It is my body, my life and my future! I will FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT and so must you. PLEASE.

    I have had to watch my mother crouch on the floor with me whilst I howled like a wounded dog because the pain of the depression was so intolerable.

    I am currently taking a small dose of Antidepressents to help me through. THAT IS OK!!!!

    They are FINE!! They will keep me safe until my dose is high enough for all these horrific psychological effects to dissipate.


  • Dear Hypo-hell, please don't do anything you won't be in the position to regret!

    It sounds to me as though you need support in several areas of your life and you're obviously not getting it from home. There is one good thing, despite your doctor being unhelpful, at least you have been diagnosed.

    You might benefit from having an advocate, it's hard standing up for yourself and being heard when you're feeling so ill and low and all alone.

    There are all sorts of different advocacy services out there, if you know where to look, but I am going to post a link for you to look through to the 'mind'website. If they can't help you, they will direct you to an organisation who can.

    Your mental health is under an awful lot of strain with your illness and your family and housing situation and associated depression, that's why I've chosen to post this one, but you might prefer to look for another. Whatever you decide to do, you need support and there is no shame or embarrassment in seeking it outside of the family.

    It's imperative that you contact a professional organisation, you will be surprised what help is out there. You can discuss everything with them, your disappointment in your doctor, your troubles at home, and how your family dynamics and housing situation is making you iller. An advocate will hold your hand and talk to relevant people on your behalf or recommend you to others who may be better suited to help. Please don't give up. Things will get better and you have to stick around to see that!

    Please take care.

    Here's the advocacy website with useful phone numbers etc :


  • THANK YOU all so much for all your support and advice. I have not logged out from this website since I posted earlier today and your kind replies have literally saved my life. I feel so ashamed that my brain is making me have these crazy ideas but when they occur its all consuming.

    I have decided that I am going off the 50mg Levothyroxine as it has increased my hypothyroid symptoms by a million% and given me a whole host of scarey side effects: constant crying, suicidal thoughts, electric shocks in my head, severe pms, ageing, memory obliteration, speech difficulties, forgetfulness, debilitating headaches, swelling under eyelids, weight gain, white hair, heart palpitations and a whole host of others. This list is for others who may also be experiencing the same

    Its going to take me approx 12 weeks to save to see private endo whom I hope will look at my adrenals, female hrmones as well as my thyroid. In the mean time, I am going to try and substitute thelevo with something else. If anyone has any ideas, I would be very grateful. Thank you all to the kindest people I have been so lucky to have met here x

  • HH Lovely to see you are more positive :)

    If you are hypothyroid you will still need take thyroid hormone 'tho - here's is a link to Thyroid medications.


    Not tolerating hormone may be due to underlying problems which worsen when you take levo (for example, it needs iron to work) please check the usual culprits, ferritin, folate, B12 & vit D - we are often low in these - e.g. my low vit D caused joint pain, muscle ache, electric shocks & carpal tunnel-like sensations - others report similar nervy symptoms with low B12.

    Deficiency is something we can sort out ourselves and become empowered.

    I'm also feeling very fragile on just 50mcg, palpitations are back, emotional - I'm due to see the GP next week for an increase (otherwise I'll just increase it myself, it's only a starter dose). Best of luck ((hugs)) Jane x

  • Hypo hell there's a group called Christian meditation who hold meditation groups all over Ireland just google them and I'm sure you will find a group. I've joined one and am finding it really good learning to meditate and switch off. Please don't do anything to harm yourself you WILL get better it takes time. All here on this site will help you anyway they can. Thinking of you. Take care.

  • So glad to read your more positive reply. You are amongst friends as we all understand how terrible this is without the proper treatment so I'm sure we are all sending you virtual hugs. It really helps to talk to others you understand and that is a big plus point of the forum. I was wondering if there was a thyroid support group near to you or anyone who is a thyroid patient in your area you can meet up with? Might be worth posing along those lines and even though you may not be a church goer they may have some great help and advice and not judge you. Families don't find it easy to understand and I know how hurtful that can be. You really need to try and increase tour medication. Could you request your prescription a little earlier? Even a small increase I'm sure will help you. I didn't think I was converting well do started taking vitamins etc and that has helped me feel better. Have you got an Endo in mind? If not ask if anyone in the area of ________ can recommend one but by private message only. We are not allowed to advertise without their permission! if dark thoughts come back then let us know. We can't see you but we can reach out to you and listen and understand. You are no longer alone.

  • Hang in there - we are all lab labeled Hypocondriacts by someone, my mother died because she thought nobody cared and I don't want someone else to feel that way.

    When you get the right treatment you will be able to find the grit and determination to finish the jigsaw and it will be worth the wait.

    There is loads of info on the Thyroid Advocacy Website in the files.


  • I'm so sorry u are this miserable but please don't do anything silly . I know from experience how bad thyroid problems can be but it will get better Hun . And u know ignore the ones in ur life that are nasty to u and remember u have us all on here to speak to if y need support 😃take care please x

  • Dear Hypo-hell, please don't be beaten by this disease we all suffer with, it is an awful condition and at times I know I felt as though I had lost all of "me" through this journey with hypothyroidism, I am much improved and now fighting back to restore me to who I was before this diagnosis.

    Those that don't suffer from it really do not understand, which doesn't excuse your doctor's behaviour, nor that of your family, perhaps they feel useless and unable to help you?

    I know my private endo would see me free of charge if I felt as you are feeling right now, please call their secretary and explain how you feel, ask if you could get your endo to call you back, offer to pay what you can now, the rest later, in instalments, please don't suffer in silence or stop your meds without speaking and discussing it with them first.

    Sending you a huge hug, be brave and call your endo.

    LilyBlu x

  • Come on hang on in there. You can choose your friends but not your family - there will be somebody out there that wants your friendship. Don't do anything daft. Get a new GP - yours sounds like the usual "I'm only here for the money" type. Don't put up with it. God bless.

  • I feel for you that you are in such a bad place at the moment , your life is precious and certainly worth fighting for. Your personal circumstances aren't at present. My first thoughts also were to increase your dose yourself and just keep quiet about it while you wait for improved feelings of better physical health.

    You have help and advice on here from those who know more about thyroid conditions and medication than I and perhaps you do, the advice I'm getting currently is invaluable because its from people who have 'been there, and done that, and are happy to help us and countless others who are new to either the condition or the problems that can arise from it. I was diagnosed hypo 15 years ago and its taken all those years for the meds for it and more recent health conditions, plus incorrect blood tests done to make me realise I now have a better chance of improving my situation.

    I can totally relate to your feelings in connection with family and friends who lose patience . We can't force people to understand or relate to us in the way we may want. the more we try the harder it gets. They want to do things on their terms in their way, as you do, and we have to accept that because we are not their priorities because they have lives to lead as well. I look forward to the day I can say - see I wasn't wrong, here's the proof I was right! So now I accept that I'm at where I'm at, and I can have new 'friends' - made through interacting here with those who do understand the frustrations, desire to find answers and how we feel.

    I live alone, in a small community, not in my home country where culture and language are different and can assure you from my experiences these past 2 years, the best way to get help is by starting to help ourselves first. Exercise doesn't necessarily mean leaping up and down, but a stroll out in the fresh air, well wrapped up of course in the cold or wet weather is a start. . Its not arduous, 5-10 mins at a time on a daily basis - you'd be amazed at the things you notice going round by foot rather than car, people out walking dogs, or with children - a smile and a 'good morning' or afternoon greeting as you pass, soon brings a friendly smile and return greeting. A community centre, café or library are also good places to meet people regularly. I've had an acrimonious marital breakup after 45 yrs, a spontaneous, brain haemorrhage and car accident where my car was written off by the foreign driver all in the space of 11 months to the day almost. My health problems had started before that so yes I know how you feel when nothing goes to plan and but letting stress and frustrations be our masters is not the best way forward. There is still a life out there to be lived, for all of us

    . I hope I give you encouragement not to give up but to make a determined and conscious effort to start that new beginning, on your terms with courage. Virtual hugs :-)

  • Good on you Hypo 😊 stay positive. Pick out the bits of advice you like the look of, do some things that bring joy to your life and don't let your mother and sister get you down although they probably love you in their own way (or I would hope they do)

  • Hello Sweet,

    Please don' suffer alone , you have us to help, this site has been a great support in my hours of need. i have felt the same as you but you would be surprised at how quickly your body can respond to "the right thing for you" Doctors are very little help with this condition and often make things worse. I am sorry about your family - maybe they should educate their selves more about this dreadful condition.

    Their are some books you can loan from the library and also loads of advise on here and I for one am certainly willing to help as much as I can - I have had to change a number of things to improve my health and things have improved greatly (best bit was - no doctor required)

    It does feel very lonely at times but you can always talk to us on the site - we are here for you

    Best wishes

    Debs x

  • So sorry to hear what you're going through. Along with all the good advice here, I would strongly recommend techniques to help you mentally. For instance, meditation is great. Pamper yourself - try giving yourself the love that you are not receiving from other people - this doesn't have to mean spending money, it means doing nice things for yourself: relaxation, give yourself a manicure, or whatever. And I'm just reading a very interesting book called "Letting Go - the Pathway of Surrender" by Dr David Hawkins which is about letting go of all the negative emotions and feelings which affect us all and are actually the cause of illness and dis-ease.

  • Hi Hypo-hell, sorry you are having such a hard time. I think many of us on here felt suicidal at one time or another. Saving up for the private endo is a good idea, and in the meantime try to find someone kind to talk to even if it is someone at the end of a phone. Good luck, Sandra xxx

  • You are not alone, you do have friends here on this site. You can say anything you wish and you will get opinions and support. Your life is precious, even if, at this moment you don't think so. Let everyone on this site help at this awful time, you are NOT alone xx

  • I have been in that sad, lonely place too, and am very definitely out on the other side now. I know how hard it can be to feel remotely positive when you feel so low, but please don't do anything to harm yourself.

    I know that it doesn't work for everyone, but a low dose anti-depressant lifted my mood enough for me to be able to start seeing things a little better - I certainly was still depressed, but no longer suicidal.

    It is a terrible thing not to have family support, so definitely contact some of the places others posters have suggested for that human support you need. I know an anonymous internet forum isn't ideal, but many of us have probably been in the same bad place as you, and people really do care.

  • So sorry you feel so lonely, please remember we are all your friends and if possible would like to help you. I agree with others, change your doc Immediately, it must be terrible to have a g.p. Like that. Think positive as I think you are coming round to and as soon as you have seen another endo things will look up. I am taking 250mg morning and 275mg evening. After lots of tests they found that I was not absorbing thyroxine very well. So we are all different. Good Luck and hope to hear that things are improving very soon.

  • I'm so glad you are taking control of your health and life! There is nothing like reclaiming your power for feeling better about yourself.

    But also I have googled and you do have Samaritans in Ireland. Give them a call. They do so much more than talk to people on the phone - absolutely saved my life when In was a depressed teenager.

  • Hello Hypo-hell, how are you doing today? I do hope you're hanging on in there, things will get better, please let us know how you are.

    You need to move out of that house but, even if you had the money, I doubt you have the energy, moving takes a lot at the best of times. I've got a couple of suggestions for you in the meantime.

    At times when I've felt rather like you do, I've told myself that the best I can do is try to make someone else a little happier 'cos nothing would do it for me. So I'm wondering if you could volunteer to visit someone elderly or sick, it would get you out of the house, take your mind off your own awful situation for a short while, and you'd feel better knowing you'd cheered someone else up. But this may be out of the question if your energy levels are too low.

    A lot simpler, though it won't be easy for you right now, is to write a gratitude journal. Every night before you go to sleep you write five things you're grateful for that day. Just very small things eg the sun shone, someone smiled at you, you enjoyed something on the TV or radio, your internet connection worked well, someone on this forum cheered you up ...... You'll probably have to leave the house to get to your five, and it will get easier. And it's a lovely thing to read when you have a bad day in the future. This probably sounds an awful suggestion right now, but please do give it a try, it really does help when you're depressed.

    The other thing you could do is to get those nice people at Amazon to send you a (second hand) copy of "When you and your mother can't be friends" by Victoria Secunda. It's easy to read, will entertain you a little and you will find both your mother and yourself in there. It may help you to open up a dialogue with her or at the very least help you to understand and accept your situation a little better. There are lots of reviews on-line, and I can highly recommend it.

    When your thyroid's working better, you'll feel better. At least you know what the problem is: it took me years just to get to that point. Don't give up, but don't rely too much on the doctors either; it takes a lot of research, and trial and error to get it sorted but there are lots of us here all on this journey together. You'll come out the other end a stronger person, and be able to work out what your gift to the world is.

    Here's a big hug for you, and hope you can sleep well tonight.


  • Hypo - hell

    well well well, I am feeling exactly the same, you feel there is no end to this storm, no rainbow in this cloud and no God in the sky for you!!!!!!!

    I not gonna give a load of the usual, no disrespect to anyone on this post, and I don't mean to offend, but doing daily activities is also a problem if you are that sick, little as cooking, cleaning, walking and bathing is a problem to execute. the worse you feel the harder those little things become, Ive spent the past weeks duvet diving, its the where I feel safe unfortunately and with no hope and faith, I am at a lost, so I totally get it. The good thing is you do have your family and although they do not understand the last thing they'll want is to loose you!!!!! they love you whether or not they are being supportive.

    The only thing I would recommend is to take each day as it comes, your family bless them don't understand, and they can't really be blamed for that, this disease ......, this disease kills your spirit takes your soul and being, people just don't understand, they see you walking and talking and believe your fine.

    I live alone estranged from my parents and don't have friends or anyone else to support me through this tribulation, I been on both the T3 and T4 pills, the T4 only with no avail, with my greatest fear being will I ever come back from this shit , I ordered T3 but thats now out! :( so I am to am at a low point, this morning I wanted to crush a packet up and end it all, I have tried several times in my past and to be very honest attempted Suicide last year at the good old age of 28 !!!!!!

    Didn't work, clearly as I am still here, not feeling any better mind you.

    Just take it day by day, they and join some sort of group hopefully it will give you the support you require, speak with your GP again if that does not work, work on your own volition up your does slowly it may be unorthodox but hey only you know how crippling this is making you feel.

    There have been many replies which individually will all assist with the coming days, try to think of better days. I do this sometimes, personally I can find it hard as I have been battling, struggling for the past 5 years with no real diagnostic from the 3 endo's I saw and the GP, nothing seems to go right, I lost my job only after 3 - 4months, which I desperately needed the money to pay the private fees, and buy the medication and for tests, its a vicious circle :(

    Please don't harm yourself, you have support here, where just a post away :)

    Wishing all the best and Love

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