For the last few days, I have been planning how to end my life. I am so incredibly lonely and ill that I see no reason to keep going. I have no friends and my family think I am a hypochondriac and want nothing to do with me. I live at home with my mum and sister, but spend every day on my own inside the house. I have asked them several times if they would go anywhere with me and they say no. My sisters call me an embarrassment because I cried at a 40th birthday a few months ago.
I visited my doctor on Monday and begged could my levothyroxine be increased to 75mcg. I have been on 50mcg since diagnosed nearly a year ago. She refused and was incredibly angry. Basically told me that my thyroid was stable, it was a wasteof time going to an endo and that no tablet will fix this. She knows of previous bullying I endure from my sisters, so she says that this is the cause of my problems. Her solution is more exercise
As Im not working, I feel as if I am stuck here. I can not afford to move out, but feel Im dying slowly, so I may as well just end it now. I was previously advised of a good private endo in Ireland, but on social welfare it will take forever to save to see her
I have always suffered from anxiety and sleep problems, I have seen psychiatrists who basically said that they can do no more for me and I have to accept life long insomnia and anxiety. Even at my lowest points previously, I have never endured mental pain and desolation like this. Its frightening, but I feel as if I have nothing or no one. I cant see any alternatives