I deleted my last post as I didn't feel I was explaining myself very clearly so apologies in advance for that.
I can easily say that yes, I have been worrying about things and why shouldn't I be? I'm not getting answers from my GP or my Endo and what had come back from the urgent care centre was on my mind.
But I didn't think I had been self-diagnosing. Worrying, yes, but not the former. I haven't said, "yes, I have this" or "yes, I have that." If you were told by a doctor there was a lump in your neck you would be worried too, right?
I know there has been speculation on here that people with Hashi's (for the majority so I've read) have a goitre. To further emphasize my point that I am not a hypochondriac or a fake with a fluctuating TSH and Anti-TPO antibodies I had a goitre 2 years ago and it was a diffuse one - as in my whole neck swelled! Why it went down is beyond me but I do still have one, albeit much smaller. So the feeling of being a fake or hypochondriac is all the more since the goitre has gone down!
In time the goitre may come back - but it hasn't. I don't know why. And yes, it was a diffuse one, which I know means Hashi's. I thought since my TSH has been going up and down more times than a yo-yo it would come back. Again, not self-diagnosing, as my Endo has told me I have Hashi's. That's been established.
It's just so hard explaining to people over and over that I had a goitre and I cannot prove that as easily now since it has reduced. I probably sound like I'm lying about my illness but ask my boyfriend the same question - he will quite easily say, with no hesitation, that my neck was diffusely swollen.
So for now I've just carried on the way I have been - writing, playing games, watching TV, sleeping, washing up, doing housework, going out, seeing my grandparents, drawing - things that do not involve my health. And on top of that I've now reached 8 stone! Yay! No more 7 stone something!! How long have I been wanting to do that? That was the only other good news I've had this week and I was sure it was something I truly earned.
My self-confidence, however slight that was due to my weight increase, was notably knocked down again by me being suggested that I have no Hashi's with no goitre - but I have been trying to prove I do still have a goitre with the photos I posted recently.
I still feel lousy, sure, but I get through each day in the same way because that's all I can do for now.
GPs have no answers for me. Endo has sent me a letter today to say she has moved my appointment to May from April and refuses to transfer me to a better hospital. Great.
I don't want to stop posting on here, I really don't, but if people are going to question my illness then I will stop.