And its all because of this awful illness and the devastating effect in can have on the brain, specifically the memory.
My daughter told me a few weeks ago that she had had a smear test come back abnormal (she is only 25 and it was her first smear) and that the GP was sending her for further tests at the local hospital. I told her to tell me when her appt was and I would get the time off of work and go with her (she might be 25 but she's still my baby). A week later she told me that the appt was for the 14th of this month and what did her loving mother do? she promptly forgot.
Not only did I forget her appt I forgot every word about it. I forgot to check she was o.k. I forgot to support her emotionally and more importantly I totally forgot her appt yesterday. It is as though she had never had the conversation with me, as though someone had wiped my memory 20 seconds after the event - I didn't even tell my close friend (who I discuss EVERYTHING with).
So the outcome of my total brain malfunction was that my daughter went on her own, and to make matters worse it wasn't just an appt, it was to have a biopsy and laser treatment. She had no one there with her for support, no one there to comfort her and no one there to tell her things would be o.k. (I have tears in my eyes whilst typing this just thinking of her sitting in that hosp on her own). She isn't one for making a fuss so didn't phone to remind me about her appt as she knows I have had to cope with a lot of hosp appt of my own lately - from bone and heart scans to adrenal tests and endo appt - so she just went on her own.
To make me feel even worse about myself than I already do she has a grade 5 reading (whatever that means) but she did say that the scale went from 1 - 5 and the higher the reading potentially the more serious it is. They took a sample the size of a 2p piece - which the consultant said was larger than usual (more bloody guilt) and her results will be posted to her within a week or so.
Luckily for my daughter (but not for them) she has two friends going through exactly the same thing who have been there to support and advise her - good job really seeing as her mother is so useless - I only remembered when she phoned me at work to tell me about her biopsy and treatment.
So yet again this illness has you feeling low and hits home to you that it controls every aspect of your life whether you like it or not. A couple of times this week I have also answered questions on this site totally wrong (luckily there were others on here who corrected me) but they were stupid, silly mistakes which has me wondering if I should stop answering/advising/helping people on here but if I do that it will make me feel, not only more guilt for letting more people down, but that this disease has finally won and rendered me useless and I am determined not to let it turn me into some sort of jibbering wreck.
The only thing that really relieved my brain fog/memory was T3 but unfortunately for me it gave me heart issues and I had to stop taking it although others shouldn't get disheartened over this as I don't know many on here who have had a similar experiences, so there is help out there for most.
Have a nice day people.