IBS, possibly menopause, any advice

[Droidus]

Hello,

I’m looking for any advice if possible, I was diagnosed with IBS over 20 years ago now. I think I had it as a child, it seemed to come about right around the same time I got my periods at 11. Every month I would have horrendously heavy menstrual cycles that were so painful I’d almost pass out. Whilst that was going on my bowels would play up, lots of bloating, feeling like I needed a bowel movement but nothing would happen. Back then I was too embarrassed to mention it to anyone as even discussing menstruation was mortifying.

I had our daughter quite young ( 19 and planned whoch we are thankful for as we never had anymore ) I hit 20 and my bowels really got going. Again, it was something I felt I couldn't discuss with anyone, I didn’t really understand what was going on if I’m honest. I was however under a lot of stress, things going on in our life, family members were getting sick and dying.

It got so bad ( the abdominal pain ) that I eventually sought help, it took a few years of repeated doctor visits and hospital visits, a laparoscopy along with internal scans and a sigmoidoscopy to be told IBS, reduce stress and read a book about it and change my eating habits. By this point I’m nearly 25, my father was diagnosed with lung cancer, my 14 year old niece was abandoned by my elder sister who chose a man and followed him, which shook us all as up to this point was a doting mother. so we took her in ( she had always been a huge part of my life up to this point and a big part of my marriage Also ) she lived with us for 17 years and is as if she’s ours. She’s grown now and honestly so grounded and thankfully not emotionally suffering from it all. How she turned out so normal I don’t know love her.

Back when things first ramped up 21 years ago, We lived in a ground floor flat ( a reason I am sharing this ) a couple bought the flat above us, things were ok at first. His father moved in, my father visiting one day recognises the father, who also recognises my father. Things with these new neighbours take a turn, the guy starts what is known today as stalking me. Police assumed he was a jealous ex it got that bad. I was persistent I had never met this guy before. While all this is going on my father passed away. It was one of the worst periods of my life. My husband was working away and only home from Saturday night to early hours Monday morning, I was taking care of the home, daughter, teenage niece work and grieving. The guy upstairs, turns out went to school with an older brother of mine who him and his friends bullied this guy, which is awful and completely wrong. my father had a run in with his father over it, many many years before all of this, This guy decided I was the spawn of the devil and started a hate campaign against me, which was crazy as I was only 5 when my brother and his mates had runnings with him. It’s still something to this day I still struggle to get my head round, at the time I couldn’t understand it. Nor could the police, it really was an awful time. Even now I don’t get where in his mind he was getting his own back as I had done nothing to him, I didn’t even know who he was. He tormented me, my daughter who was 5 and my niece all because I was the sister of his tormentor. After talking with the police it turned out he wasn’t so innocent, he was abusive to partners, always getting into fights, he was a troublemaker and had caused problems with my brother and his friends and this whole past dispute took place, which came full circle on me for simply be the sister.

We ended up moving, husband got a new job to be home more, I went through a melt down and depression. Which made my bowel issues way way worse. Doctors weren’t much help, since diagnosed with IBS they had a diagnosis and that was that, I can’t take medications for it as they all make me sick, so it’s a case of eating what aggravates things the least.

I am now 45, I stopped taking the mini-pill a year ago, decided I would give my body a rest as I’ve been been on it or contraception since I was 17 ( to ease menstrual cycles ) as they were awful. At 21 I went onto the depo, cycles stopped for nearly 4 years, they didn’t come back until 18 months after coming off it. Went onto the mini pill, around age 32, periods stopped all together. We went onto the keto diet when I was 40, my husband was diagnosed with diabetes , keto brought him back to normal levels to the point he no longer needed metformin.

After 3 months of keto I started getting periods again, which was quite a shock after so many years of not having them. The Nurse ran test after test all came up negative. Covid happened, I had the astrazenica, a month later my left leg swelled, ( which has been happening since ) doctors again not really interested. After the Astra vaccs my periods completely stopped again. I wasn’t able to see a doctor as they went into hiding, not that I blame them. So couldn’t get the go ahead to get vaccinated again, 7 months later we got Covid, my husband started to feel better, I got really sick. Was hospitalised, nearly died. Last year ( Jan ) I had the first period after 2 years. Decided to come off the pill, just felt I needed too. No periods for 11 months, then end of January this year a menstrual cycle, again first week of March, I have had spotting on and off since. Two mini cycle in March on top of spotting ( blood when wiping, then nothing for a day or two ) I always know I’m going to bleed I get pains in my cervix, kind of like being scratched by thorns, had this since my periods began, I’d always know the night before as the scratching pains in my cervix would happen, next morning always my period. My doctor found this fascinating oddly.

recently, I’ve been struggling with constipation, then bouts of loose bowels, sometimes the toilet looks like a period except it’s from popping. ( even with loose stools ) the thing I have noticed is, when I’m constipated, for some strange reason I bleed at times only a few streaks, then at times to what I can only describe as that menstrual gush, I’m sure you’ll understand this ladies?

it’s almost as if my bowels are working in unison with my menstrual cycle/bleeds.

I’ve thought now for around 18 months I might be pre menopause. I’ve had periods of sweating in my sleep, where my chest is soaking wet. I get cramps in my shins during the night. I do have periods of feeling like it’s the height of summer, an hour later I’m freezing cold. My moods are up and down, I’ll feel overwhelming panic, to almost mildish depression, back to feeling everything is ok and feeling positive. I have discussed this with a doctor ( been able or lucky enough to see a gp once in 18 months. Appointments are as elusive as rocking horse manure. ) The nurse keeps telling me to be persistent and keep phoning for an appointment. I suffer from anxiety, and don’t like leaving the house, I have awful panic attacks, I might go months without going out the front door. My drs are aware of this, last year I had boils come up in my armpits when menstrual cycles “ should “ be happening. The pain radiated into my breast and shoulder and down into my arm. Saw a dr to rule out breast cancer, was given antibiotics and sent on my merry way. It still flares up discomfort wise and I have scars in my armpits from it.

With the things I have going on, it seems like it’s early menopause, but since Covid ravaged my body I no longer know my body, it has changed so much. I know at my age I shouldn’t have so much going on health wise, the thing is, the last time I phoned my drs to see if I could win ( as it’s a best plead your case kind of application to see a dr ) kind of process. I described some of my health issues over the phone to the receptionist, who happened to be male. He burst out laughing at one point, As if it was somehow funny to him, I was so taken back and made to feel so embarrassed, I gave up trying completely. My husband was not impressed and spoke to a senior receptionists regarding this who did apologise refusely.

but now, I just put off phoning them for help, the struggle to get to a see a dr coupled with the receptionists who most are at times despite my politeness are incredibly rude ( this has been going on since pre Covid ) I just can’t be asked, I’d rather suffer in silence that put myself through it, but I’m at a point where life can be unbearable at times.

Can anyone ( if youve made it this far reading all of that ☝️) can anyone relate to any of what I’ve been experiencing and offer some sort of explanation? I’m at a loss and not sure what exactly it is I am going through, as my body has changed so much, I seem to have multiple things all going on in the back ground, random bleeds/spotting, along with my bowel issues. Also, I’ve read on here terms like IBS C and D I think it is. I’m confused as to what these are, I feel so ill informed compared to some of the posts on here. bowel issues run in my fathers side of the family, sisters aunties and grand mother had/have crohn’s. Seems to be more prevalent in the women than it is the men. My fathers mother passed from bowel cancer I was told it was related to smoking. I only found out about the bowel issues on my fathers side about 10 years ago as he was estranged from his family due to my mother. Again, a very long story, I’ll be honest and admit I’m a dysfunctional family survivor.

I genuinely hope I haven’t painted myself in such a way that I don’t get any advice regarding what I have been dealing with for so long. I only found out a few months ago this place existed, I really wish I had found it a long time ago, it’s only since reading on here that I have felt normal. I have read so many posts that finally mirror my own issues. It truly has been a revelation. I finally feel normal, I now know that I haven’t been imagining them or making them up.

up until finding this forum, I felt so alone and so confused.

before now I had repeatedly told my husband that I was thankful that im not a dog, as many owners probably would have put me to sleep years ago! It’s finally nice to feel normal, justified and honestly, at peace with my health issues.

in advance, if someone does make it through my post, I want to thank you 🙏 for taking the time.

[Frasina]

I did make it through your post! And I (like others I assume who may reply) will tell you that menopause can create havoc with IBS. Clearly you have had IBS for many years and because so many people present with varying degrees of symptoms, no one is really taken seriously. It is a matter of 'ruling out' other possibilities and if nothing is found then it has to be IBS....

Stress is a major contributor; the brain-gut link is well known and those in perimenopausal years or in fact menopausal years have a double whammy sometimes! You have had considerable stress over the years and that has no doubt exasperated your problems. I have gone through the menopause and my IBS was much worse during this time. (I was not aware at the time that I actually had IBD too found on a colonoscopy a few years back).

I do not have answers as individual differences in us all means what works for one, may not work for another. However, if your stress is getting the better of you, why don't you self-refer online for some counselling which is free? Each county provides this - you say you are suffering from anxiety and they will contact you.

Doctors do not always make the right call - I was told I 'only' have IBS when in fact I also had patchy pancolitis!

I hope you find some answers but try to de-stress!

[BabsyWabsy]

Hello and welcome Droidus, You do sound to have been through a lot of very stressful events. I'm a long way past menopause but I do remember my menstrual cycle had an adverse effect on my bowels that seemed to affect muscle tone. I too have a family history of bowel problems, not that it was ever talked about. Both siblings have various problems with gut issues, one has Crohns, the other Barret's oesophagus. My maternal grandmother had diverticular disease, my mum had something too, don't know what, (never diagnosed, too embarrassing) but she would gurgle like a goodun and then make a dash to the loo. There is a lot of knowledge and experience in this forum. You are definitely not alone.

[Iesgobdafydd]

Welcome! I don't think I can help a lot, but I can at least tell you IBS-C is where you have a recurring problem of constipation from IBS, IBS-D is where you have recurring diarrhoea (and there's a third type, mixed IBS, where you get both, which is sort of the diarrhoea flushing out the constipation repeatedly.)

I found it quite hard to tell when I was going through menopause - my periods were always heavy but got more frequent - a bit before my IBS started up if I remember right - they took out a fibroid and put in a Mirena coil to make them lighter and regulate them a bit and they did get a lot lighter and I stopped paying much attention to them after that as it wasn't a priority with everything else going on. But I do remember getting night sweats, which is really unusual for me, after that, and I'm sure with hindsight they were the one clear sign of menopause I got, other than periods stopping altogether eventually.

While there are a lot of knowledgeable and helpful people here, it's worth remembering also that this forum has been here for quite a while, and there are a lot of old posts from people who aren't active now. You might find something helpful by searching through old posts. I really hope things get better for you soon.