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Meltdown

I have anxiety, and IBS makes it much worse. I don't go out much in case a flare-up begins or in case I get a really bad panic attack. So there's not much I can do with my family and not much I can do for them.

My boyfriend is ill with a virus, and I dearly wanted to go and see him and take care of him. So I decided, that even though I can hardly get to the corner shop, I would walk to the station, get on a train, ride it for twenty minutes, get off and walk to his and stay the night. I wanted to be there for him. But I got as far as preparing my backpack and putting it on. And I knew I wouldn't make it there. So I threw it off and cried and howled into my pillow about how useless I am. Then I ran outside into the woods in the dark in an attempt to just get away from myself. I cried for a while and half hoped someone would attack me, I felt disgusting and wanted punishment. But I got really scared in the end and managed to get home safely.

I'm so tired of being the one that needs help. I'm going round in circles, building myself back up and getting torn down by the next flare-up. New symptoms, more tests, more clear results. I hate this time of my life. I feel like everyone will leave before I can get better. In fact I feel like I don't deserve anyone, I'm utterly useless. It's taken everything I have not to go back to my self harm habit. I feel like I want to scar myself all over to scare people away.

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I have heard that stress plays a big role with ibs. Something i didn't know before, Taking stress relief is a huge step to h=dealing with the condition,

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Hi, I know how you feel it’s really frustrating. I’ve had ibs for 15 years and it’s really difficult at times. Take a few deep breaths and say to yourself I can do this and I will do this, get a relaxation cd, I went to relaxation hypnotherapist and she gave me one which I still listen to everyday. I was sceptical at first but it did work with the stress which in turn helped the ibs. It’s not a cure but I can handle the stress part a lot better, it’s worth a try .

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I do know how you feel. At me point my anxiety was so bad I couldn't go to the supermarket. 2 things helped me. I still have very severe anxiety but in fewer situations. Firstly (and not so helpful to you!) I had a child. I HAD to care for him and get to the shop to get him food and milk etc. Secondly (and much more helpful to you!) I broke down everything I had to do. So, instead of thinking I had to walk to the station, ride the train, walk to my b/f house, I would say to myself I have to walk 5 mins to the train station. If I can't do it, I will go back home. But I will have got out of the house and walked, if even for 30 steps and that is more than I did yesterday or last week. I was too hard on myself, thinking I was "failing" and then you start loathing yourself. So, be kinder to yourself, compartmentalise anything you have to or want to do that seems overwhelming, allow yourself to have a get out of a situation and gently expand the limits of what you can do. When the panic comes, just accept it - fighting it makes it worse. We feel like everyone knows we are having a meltdown but no one is really paying us any attention at all, they are all wrapped up in themselves and coping with their own problems. Look up some breathing techniques to help you get through that panic. Re all the clear tests, if you have ibs-d have you been tested for excess acid? Apparently this is now a very overlooked explanation for consistently suffering with very sudden urge to go and diarrhoea as the focus has shifted to looking for inflammatory bowel disease. My own ibs-d stopped overnight when I was prescribed omeprazole (as I take naproxen for another health condition) which led me to research excess acid and my ibs symptoms. Good luck - please feel free to pm me if you want to chat. Hugs xx

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Do have a look at the NO PANIC website. They are a charity specialising in anxiety disorder.

It is very helpful and they have a helpline.

Have you thought of getting some extra help for your anxiety.

Mindfulness and CBT are very helpful therapies and counselling may help your GP should be able to refer you.

I had panic attacks when I was younger and was on medication for a time and I went to a counsellor which was helpful provided by the GP. Now there is a lot more understood about this condition.

You are far from alone many; many people deal with anxiety at some point.

You can get professional help and you will not always suffer with it.

You are precious and you are worth it. You are certainly not useless you are very very hard on yourself.

Just think of this - the way you are talking to yourself is like your worst enemy. It may help you to see that. What you need is to love yourself and you deserve love like we all do.

Look up Lorna Byrne's website it may help you in a different way to feel some comfort during this time.

Please keep posting and do talk to someone at NO Panic if you can they will understand and help you to move forward.

Meanwhile you will be in my prayers that 2018 will be the year you can move on from this anxiety to a strong and healthy place. Bless you.

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I think panic attacks and anxiety come hand in hand with ibs which does not help

As i think it just make u worse....

Try to look up some meditation exercises i do mine twice a day just to keep myself calm and able to cope.

I have seen a nutritionalist. Given up gluten and dairy which has helped massively! Also i take peppermint oil cap , probiotics and digestive enzymes so i keep my gut bacteria healthy which is a must aswell for ibs.

I hope this can help u see there is a way forward and it can get better but u have to try to beat the stress and pressure or it wont... none of its a biggy , u do what u can do and if u get somewhere one day and not the next dont beat urself up just see it as u done it one day.... ur try again💕💕

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You are not alone.

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Understanding your anxiety is the first step in taking control of your life. check out ilovepanicattacks.com , this site really helped me to begin to understand the physical process that happens with anxiety and how that happens with just a thought - usually a "what if" thought. I have read that a good majority of people with IBS also have anxiety or are under severe stress. So its like the age old question, what came first the chicken or the egg? Did unnoticed stress and anxiety cause your IBS or did the stress and anxiety occur after an IBS flare? Your digestive system is your "second brain", according to experts. So its a very good possibility that what is going on in our minds can affect what is happening in our digestive system. The more we have IBS flares, the more it causes stress and anxiety, which causes more unhealthy "what if " (an example, what if I have to use a bathroom, what if I can't make it to my boyfriends, what if I have a panic attack, what will people think of me, what if everyone leaves me, etc, etc, ) thoughts, which can cause more flares, its a viscous cyle...The first thing having anxiety does it make us feel bad about ourselves, which causes more anxiety - give yourself a break..Don't be so hard on yourself. You wouldn't treat a friend with such impatience would you? So be kind, understanding and patient with yourself. Please know that you aren't alone. There are millions and millions of us who suffer from anxiety and IBS. I think its wonderful that your shared how your feelings with everyone here. Keep sharing, keep talking, write it in a journal, talk with a professional - anxiety thrives in silence, when we are locked in our own thoughts. You can beat this!

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Sweetness, I have read through your posts and as I assumed your cycle probably has a major part of why you are having panic attacks...I have suffered all of my life through horrible PMDD that has never been caught by the docs for years...Finally after becoming an herbalist and practicing and seeing other women go through the same issues with loose stools or IBS as I have discovered through all of the wonderful people here on this sight . Its appears to be brain gut related. No one wants to hear that but it is a powerful understanding.

Many women will have a bout of loose stool a week or so before the period and then clear up after the bleed. Because of the chemistry and our ages, food allergies and lifestyle, family of origin history and so on....the patterns have been set. I have seen this whole episode in my life as a gift that I never would have expected. The compassion that we must have for ourselves to stop pushing through our days and expecting so much from our bodies is imperative to healing. Slowing down and coming to grips with the mind body connection is a real way to heal... When the doc told me after my last round of testing that sometimes they give people and SSRI to help the brain calm down to be able to speak to the gut and get organized again since the hormones are made in the gut and send signals to the brain and vice versa it all made perfect sense to me...So if anxiety plays a role in our lives some signals are not getting to each other...Yes I can see the vicious cycle and yes I have been a front row seat of panic and anxiety sleepless depressive times....but I assure it will get better. Patterns are important to establish as a form of "gentle control" so one does not feel so out of control when our body is not obeying what we know it should be doing... I could go on for days about this subject as its part of my Health and Wellness practice here in California.

None of what you are going through will come back void so to speak...Your wisdom is far reaching and I appreciate you reaching out to me. You will get through these episodes and life will change I promise...

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Thank you for your message, it is comforting. It's true about our cycles, I get the physical symptoms you described and my mind is a mess in the days leading up to it and a few days after it has started. It was actually the second day of my period that this all happened, so I imagine it was a contributor. I've not yet tried anything for that (other than omega 3,6,9) so that's something I can look in to. I've been researching this week about the brain-gut connection and I have found a Tricyclic Antidepressant called Norpramin that blocks signals between the gut and brain, the signals that in our confused IBS brains end up activating pain and vigilance centres rather than calm and pain relieving, as is in people without IBS. I'm not one for modern medicine at all but it's definitely something I've been considering if all else falls through.

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There are some amazing herbal remedies you could look into...

One if them is called Free and Easy wander by plum flower brand.

The TCM understanding of PMS is a good way to approach. I know you will find your way...You are smart and strong...:)

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I had a look at Free and Easy, it seems to have good reviews, I'll research each herb and hopefully it's something I feel I can try out. Thanks so much.

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To my friend Love yourself you are worth it ❤️Be kind to yourself you deserve it ❤️Enjoy who you are you are precious ❤️Love your life it is priceless and please don’t forget these words xxxxchrissyx

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Thank you for your kind words, I will take them to heart.

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