Weird feeling

Just coming broadside of a 4 week flare of whatever this is causing it. Firearms are now solid like stone but for a week this weird thing. Just under the bum cheek it feels like someone is blowing up a balloon and as it tightens it’s like it’s let down you feel it deflate. It’s not painful as such but feel it more string and a definite feeling of blowing up then deflating, it’s happening as I type. Would be most great fun for any ideas I know it’s not normal but don’t know if I should be overly concerned. Thankyou in advance

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Maybe the "Firearms" are going to shoot the inflated bum cheeks? Bumpft!

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Would be funny, I do have sense of humour but not when unwell and concerned , maybe another day I will find funny