Hi everyone! Hope you’re all doing as good as you can 😀.
Well, my boyfriend decided it was time to split up after 5 years together. I don’t think he could handle my cancer. I met him 8 months after finishing all with my first BC diagnosis. But since diagnosed October 31st, 2019, he changed. This hurts me very much but saddens me more because it’s the first time cancer has a direct impact on my personal life. I’m also angry 😡. I’m 51 years old and think “ who will possibly date someone with MBC”? Am I doomed ladies? Thank you and God bless you all 💞🙏
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Annadm
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Man that sucks. I'm so sorry. As an I-can't-count-how-many-times loser at love, I get it. I'm finally (after 57 years) dating an AMAZING guy, but I often want to tell him to run. I have zero interest in sex, and it's all he thinks about. It's difficult. I don't want to be without him, but it will be more and more difficult as treatments progress.
I'm not sure what my advice would be. I found my guy on e-harmony. Maybe give online dating a try and just be honest. You never know who might turn up. Then, there's always adopting a nice rescue dog!! Whatever you decide, I wish you good luck....and I hope that jerk who left you meets a crazy woman with a houseful of bratty kids!
Your certainly better off without him...how pathetic of him
I’ve been married a long time so not the best to advise...however my husband doesn’t make me happy....like most men ( not all I think) he’s very selfish and thinks only if himself....I feel useless and a burden
If he cleared off I wouldn’t care that much except he does all the shopping and housework but I could pay someone to do all that
You’re younger than me and maybe like to have a man around but I would think carefully before embarking on a new love affair....what do you want from it?...companionship?...just sex?...or just going out on fun dates and having fun?... I think just having fun with no planning on a future is the best plan...that way you don’t expose yourself to getting hurt again....if you’re honest right from the start then he couldn’t accuse you of duplicity and you never know who you’ll meet
Go for it and have a good time....being alone doesn’t suit everyone...I’m assuming you’re using internet dating sites?
Good luck
Barb xx
I had a friend with metastatic breast cancer who started dating, while simultaneously obtaining her end of life meds. Amazingly she was quite successful and ended up in a relationship. She was in her fifties as well. She lived for another year and had a lot of good times, but sadly her new love left her several months before the end. So it is possible. OK Cupid seems to be the go to spot, although they met on Tinder. For myself, it would not be something I’d want to do. But if I was healthy and my husband left me I would not want to get involved in another relationship either!
I have to mention also ... I actually keep forgetting because I see it mentioned do seldom on this site, but we are in a pandemic. My healthy 26 year old daughter has been reluctant to date because she does not want to bring anything home to me. So that might be a consideration as well.
Well I'll tell you one thing, youre better off without him because he must be one heartless b******. Sorry for strong language but what a weak knee'd excuse of a man. You deserve better and cancer or not, there'll be someone out there much more worthy of you. I know its only on TV but Ive been watching Chicago Med and nurse on there has MBC and met love of her life in chemo. Well, stranger things have happened lol. You keep your chin up love. When covids more under control, try a dating agency but stay safe and take a pal at first or go somewhere where theres plenty of others and dont have him pick you up etc. You certainly arent doomed, just stay positive.
Mmm interesting. I've lived alone since my husband died 9 years ago. I have friendx of both sexes but no romance. My life is quite peaceful. I dont think i could cope with the emotional ups and downx of dating!
You never said whether you will actually miss the boyfriend now that he’s gone. You might miss the relationship but not the man.
So I would look at this differently. You are not doomed out of that relationship, but I think you were certainly doomed in it. This man wasn’t the one for you. So you had a lucky escape in my opinion. I wouldn’t want someone to stay with me just because I had MBC. I think I am worth a little more than that. I also wouldn’t want them to be unhappy, life is too short.
The right man is out there waiting for you to find him. As a lovely friend of mine says “what’s for you, won’t pass you”.
xxx
I'm 54 and was diagnosed in January. First thing I realized was that dating was over for me. I was sad, but glad I wasn't involved with someone that I would just have to get over when they walked. Most people can't handle being around those with cancer. I've found that out first-hand with friends. I've had a positive attitude since day one, no poor pitiful me, no calling and crying to friends when I was having a bad day. Friends going out and doing things but I no longer get invited. It's hard but I get it, most people don't know what to say.
Ah thats such a shame you dont get out and about with friends now especially if you have such a positive attitude. I still go all over the place with my friends, well I did before covid, and will do again. Would it be worth reaching out to them, I find some people may be a bit awkward at first but then if you just carry on as normal, they follow your lead.
Hi Smurf: No you are not doomed just because you are not in a relationship with a man. I would say give it some time. Relax, concentrate on other things. You might even find being alone is quite alright. And if you don't you can always go looking later.
We are taught to be in a relationship. That is a lot of work. And finding the right one, even if you are healthy is darn tough!
I have been married almost 60 years. What I have come to realize is that I gave up a lot of myself to make it work. Definitely not good. I am enjoying getting back to myself.
Difficult for my husband, but he will get used to it. And if he doesn't then to bad for him.
Don't get me wrong, I will always love him but now he doesn't define who I am. He hated that for quite some time but actually is beginning to get used to it!
A friend of mine whose husband passed away has gotten involved with a couple of men on-line, but refuses to meet them. They just talk on the phone and send emails. She says it's male companionship without the hassle. I am so sorry your relationship didn't work out, but one day it will be replaced with something more satisfying and you will find the happiness you deserve. There is a plan for all of us. May you meet the sweetie of your dreams soon.
I'm so sorry. Quite awhile ago, I read somewhere that a huge percentage of husbands, partners, whatever, leave after women are diagnosed with cancer, but few women leave their men! I find that quite believable and very sad. I am married ( remarried, actually, at age 56) so I don't face the dating dilemma but I did date quite a bit after my divorce and then didn't date at all for a long time (about twenty years, I think). I didn't feel as though dating and even remarriage were out of the question, but I spent my time doing things I liked doing, had a group of wonderful women friends, and felt good about my life. Then, out of the blue, I met this guy, flirted a big, and kept running into him various places. After almost a year of that, he asked me out and about a month later asked me to marry him. It was very fast but we both knew the other was "the one"! Our marriage seems pretty darn solid and cancer has not damaged that. But cancer has certainly reaffirmed that divorcing my former husband was the right thing to do! lol He' d have made it all about him. So I guess my advise to you is to do what you need to do to heal from your boyfriend leaving you, and focus on having the life you want to, amended of course by the living with cancer part, but there are still things most of us can still do, even if at times it's just cuddling with our dog or cat, watching a favorite TV show. There are good things about living alone! YOu get to make all the decisions about things like what furniture to buy, what's for dinner, when to trade in the old car, which ice cream, or other treat to keep on hand all the time!
About vaginal dryness, and shrinkage, my onc and gynecologist (both women!!!) suggested I use some Rx compounded testosterone cream and another compounded cream to use abut half an hour before sex to help having orgasms. I've been on the testosterone cream for over 15 years and of course I don't know what my vagina would be like without the cream, but I don't have problems with dryness or discomfort. All here could talk with their doctors about these creams.
Hello, I am 43 & I felt the same way. I cope by keeping a positive outlook. I used to tell guys I meet about my status up front, but now I wait. I believe we will meet someone who has the understanding of our situation.
There is always someone around the corner. Don’t go looking and Mr Right will turn up. As much as it’s hurting right now try and think of how you would like to see yourself in the future. I’ve been there. Seen it, done it and got the t shirt. I have a wonderful husband now but after a long time waiting. Wishing you all the best for the future and look after yourself. You do not want any hassle right now.
U are absolutely not doomed and u are beautiful that’s his loss. U are on this journey for a reason and there is somebody out there who is waiting for u. I met my fiancée two years ago and a year later into our relationship I found out I had METS I tried everything to make him leave and to get rid of him and he refused he told me he loves me and wants to be with me no matter how hard things get. U are going to find that Prince Charming trust me. Stay strong my Sister 💜
I don't have any smart advice when it comes to dating because I’m married and it's been over 30 years since I had that opportunity😊
What he did says what kind of person he is! We all know that it is not easy to deal with cancer in any way, we who go through all this know better than anyone else. Some people don’t have the strength to be a caregiver, some people won’t waste their time ...
My personal opinion is, better that he's gone now than that he stayed with you out of pity, cheating on you and not being there when you need him most!
You say you don't think he could handle your cancer. but he stayed around five years. I know many couples that were together for several years and then decided they just wanted something different. It is not always about cancer. You don't know that he left you bc of cancer. Maybe his feelings changed. That happens to many couples, even couples that are married for years.
Worry about yourself and getting yourself into a good state of mind and when you least expect it, you may meet someone. I have many healthy single friends that have not dated in years. Some try the online dating thing (which I would never be interested in) but only one person I know met somebody she married.
It would be nice to have someone but I don't need a man in my life to enjoy my life. I have my friends and other things that fill up the holes. If I meet one that would be nice. But it is not on top of my list. Right now, I want to enjoy as much as I can even if it just is being at a barbecue (and socially distancing LOL) and having some laughs.
Give yourself some time to be alone after a relationship and concentrate on you and find some things that make you happy. Maybe take a class or they have meet-ups for people who enjoy traveling or going to museums and take a class you like and you may meet someone who has the same interest.
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