I’m a healthy 63 year old — but for the darn MBD dx June 2018! I still bicycle etc.
When I was first diagnosed stage 2 with mastectomy in 2004, I prayed I’d see our daughter through high school. When I was diagnosed stage 3 in 2014, her first year of college, I was thrilled to watch her graduate last June before my latest dx.
Today a person I like, who doesn’t know my situation, shared her delight at becoming a first time grandmother. I am happy for her and cooed over the cute photographs of her precious new grandson. But about 15 minutes later, it’s hit me that I am unlikely to meet my grandchild and support our daughter when she has a child. My own mother died six months after our daughter died and I know how hard that was for me. Our daughter is almost 23, just starting her adult life and I’m feeling pretty sad right now. Please share your wisdom with me. Thank you.
My eldest daughter is 30 and her friend has just become pregnant and I’m pleased for her she’s s lovely girl...however her mother is a different sort of person and won’t shut up about this pregnancy and it makes me feel sad as like you ..I may not see a grandchild
I’ve mentioned this woman before on here...always moaning about her minor health issues and never stopping to think what I’m going through...just makes me cross and maybe jealous as well..though don’t like to admit to that!!!
At least your friend is unaware of your illness ...it does hit hard though and often unexpectedly...I really understand how you felt
How do you know you won't be here to see your grandchild? True, we have this awful disease which is incurable. But unless you've been told you are out of options, you are still very much alive and treatable. Your mother's fate is not yours. We all have our own destiny. The fears are real, and you must find what helps you deal with the emotional burden. Do not live the rest of your life grieving. I know it is easier said than done. There are days I am depressed, tearful, and exhausted, but we cannot stay there. Keep riding your bicycle and looking forward. Find what gives you joy and go for it. Don't let this cancer take anything more from you.
No, no,no,you can't think this way! I am 76 with 4th stage breast cancer and 3 grandchildren! I am fighting forward and am doing well on Ibrance! There is so much new research in the system today, I believe we can kick cancer in the ass! Please stay positive, it will set you free! It's a healing for mind and body! God is good!,
I am 54 with a 27 year old son and 24 year old daughter. I am counting on the Ibrance and Letrozole to see me through their marriages, if they do so and any grand children. When these meds stop working I will try the best and the ones after that. I’m shooting to be here for a long time. Saying that, I get very down and my depression has worsened so I know how awful you feel. These ladies are wonderful at offering support. I hope tomorrow brings you more joy. ❤️
did you know they found out that if ibrance stops working you can lay off of it 42 days and it starts working again. sorry I don't have the article but I'm sure someone else remembers seeing the new research in that area. God bless you and heal us all in Jesus name, amen!
i searched and searched and could not find the article. I know what I read, but it is buried like a needle in a haystack! I even called Pfizer and they had no knowledge of it so it must have been fake news. I'm so sorry and this is a big lesson for me that just because I read it in a "study" doesn't mean it is true. Please forgive me for being so ignorant. xo
Oh it doesn’t matter...I was the same in believing everything I read...because I want it to be true!!
I’ve just seen my oncologist ...my markers keep rising but she wants to keep me on Ibrance and letrazole till after next scan...she spoke of another drug exastermine (spelling!) if need be..there are other drugs out there but it’s always a worry
thanks Barb! I am currently reading everything again because my onc appt. is the 18th and i've only seen him once, so I know he will most likely be prescribing other things along with the letrozole so I plan on going in loaded for bear; knowing what my insurance will and will not cover. Verzenio is the new kid on the block so I am going to ask him about it and see what he says. Saying I am a bit apprehensive is an understatement! <3 God bless!
Hi Martha,
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down. By the sound of things, you have already reached some milestones, from seeing your daughter finish school and then university, so who is to say you cannot also see the next milestone and become a grandmother if she chooses to have children?
Metastatic cancer is not what it once was. We are now able to live for many years post diagnosis, whereas years ago this was more of a death sentence and there were not as many options as there are now. I have seen how cancer treatments and patients' prognosis has changed over the years, and things are improving. We are able to benefit from that. So please don't lose hope and think that you will not be around to share more precious moments with your family.
Being otherwise healthy and being older at diagnosis are both pluses! Some of us do really well for long periods of time. I just celebrated my 15th metserversary and am no where near fading away. But it sure does take time to "adjust" to having this blasted mbc and to get back to living life. I am tired and alot slower than I was, but I still enjoy so many of the things I've always enjoyed! Like the cat who is knocking things off the table around me right now, lol! Fortunately, my husband and I are totally in agreement about pets! lol A sense of humor has really helped me cope. I don't know if this would be any help to you to know, but my mother's parents and only sibling all died before my parents met but my mother told such great stories about them that in many ways I feel as thought I know them better than my dad's parents, who my brothers and I knew . Those grandparents loved us and showed us that but there was so much that they did not share with us, about themselves. But you have a good chance at knowing your grandchildren.
Oh my goodness! You need to be pulled out of that dark hole. We have all fallen down it and have our moments, but as you read thru these posts you will discover people who are living for years with mbc and also many like myself that have had to change meds along the way. MBC should be looked at as a chronic disease, not the archaic terminal diagnoses. Doctors of different generations have different views on this. Old school docs remember what they were taught in med school years ago. I find younger doctors look at this disease as another one which should and can be managed. Look at AIDS. People used to die from it. Now people are living with it. Research is being done every day. There are different combinations of treatments available now. Don't compare your story to others you hear. When you hear doom and gloom stories of other cancer patients, remember it is not you! Every body is different and will react differently to treatments. Try to keep a positive attitude and do the best you can to hve a healthy lifestyle. It all helps!
I agree with you! Let's not forget the two HIV patients were in the news recently. They were cured of their disease! This would have been unheard of 20 or 30 years ago. I just think it's a matter of time before metastatic breast (and other cancers) are cured.
AIDS is a tough comparison for me as our beloved youngest brother died from AIDS at 34 years old in 1995. He was actually supposed to start what was then considered the experimental cocktail that eventually saved so many lives. But he became so ill that they couldn’t administer it. I am so incredibly grateful though for the many, many lives saved since then, including two good friends. Our daughter’s middle name honors her uncle. She never met him but enjoys hearing about him.
Oh this is very hard too. I am sorry for your lose. Treatments for both have come along way and continue to improve. Hope you are feeling a bit better from these posts.
in reply to
Hi Martha,
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I meant no offence when I mentioned HIV yesterday.
Take care,
Sophie ❤
in reply to
Sophie - absolutely no apology necessary. I appreciate your kind words. I only mentioned my brother is because he factors into my sad mood which finally passed for me. On a positive note, I try to model my behavior on his. When he was diagnosed in 1987, it was an imminent death sentence. But 6 months later, he realized he wasn’t going anywhere and lived fully for 8 more years. He was brave and joyful and I try to model that. Thank you.
in reply to
Hi Martha,
It sounds like your brother had a really positive attitude, and is worthy of imitation. We can learn so much from the bravery of friends, family and others we know who have gone before us.
i think that is great advice, we always need to have a milestone to look forward to! the bible says, 'without a vision my people perish'! God bless you and lets all go get our vision for the future! <3
Trust me, I get where you are coming from but we just have to keep pushing through and know that there are so many options for treatment. If I let myself go to far into the future it scares me so I try and live one day at a time. So cliche but so true. Hang on...when I was diagnosed again I thought I wouldn't see my first grandbaby but he is due next month and I can't wait to meet him. I keep doing the things that i used to do like exercising and outings, etc Helps keep me sane and not focus on the cancer.
My daughter is 27 with significant special needs. No siblings and her dad died 16 years ago. This diagnosis stinks. All we can do is try to be here for as long as we can, and give our children strong lessons on love, independence and strength, so we know they will be able to continue to thrive even after we are gone. Prayers
I can relate to your situation, as both of my brothers have learning disabilities and autism. My oldest brother lives in assisted living in the nearby village, and my second brother still lives at home with our dad, who is widowed. Since my mum's death in 2004, my dad has been my brother's full-time carer. My husband and I provide support too. We live three doors away, so we are able to see them every day and make sure they have what they need and take the pressure off my dad when he needs a break. But other than our immediate circle (it's just my dad, two brothers, husband and I), we do not have extended family nearby to help out.
Do you have support from social services? I hope so, as it is very hard work having relatives with disabilities to care for. It can take a physical and emotional toll.
Sophie x
Thanks ladies. It was a gut punch. I decided to take a day trip to Cape Cod today. Walking on the beach is good for the soul.
Thanks Sandra. Your insight about milestones helps.
I feel similarly, also with a 23 year old (son) and my mother died before he was born, but recently I have realized that there's no reason why I cannot be here for his and my future. Statistics are just that numbers, not people. I've been Stage IV for 7 years and am on a good path with treatment right now. There are women that have had this diagnosis much longer who are still "living their best life." It may not be what we planned, but we can accept and continue moving forward. All the best to you.
It is a gut punch! I was diagnosed with MBC a year ago after being a very healthy 70 year old. It will take you a couple of months or more to get over the shock. It’s all part of the process of grieving over the loss of the health we thought we had and the future that was before us. But you do come to accept that life will still be good in the state you are now in and there is more future than you first thought. I’ve probably reached my new normal and while it isn’t as good as I would have wanted because of damage from bone mets and the bone pain that has resulted, life is still really good. And my doc has said I have at least 20 years. I’m not holding him to that but it has allowed me to relax about it since 20 years will take me to 90 and I’m not sure I want to live much longer than that! Good luck. Check in when you are feeling down or have questions. It always feels good to share. Elaine
Its hard not to look into the future and react but thats not reality. You and I may be here for many years. My D is 22 with no plans of children in the near or far future. I'm trying very hard to live one day at a time and have goals that aren't that far out. We are so blessed to have our daughters! Mine will graduate college in May and is coming home. I can't wait!! We can make some goals to do something nice now and God willing we will be sharing pics here in the future.
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Just wanted to share some good news
Need encouraging stories please
Ruth (BangorBelle) has passed away
No improvement some areas worse 
