Feeling edgy

[Youshallnotpass84]

I keep on feeling like I've done something and I'm about to get shouted at. It's during moments of silence. I ought to feel at ease during those moments. Instead, I feel scared all over again. I felt frightened as a child being shouted at over nothing really. Just because they felt like it. My mother and female teachers did this often. I felt I was trapped with angry women. I wasn't liked, and I was aware of it. It was crazy for years, then one day, I was an adult, and there was... nothing. How do you simply join in with humanity after experiencing multiple traumas that most never experienced? And part of me still expects the shouting and abuse (I won't mention here) to happen. My mind is like, 'That's odd... someone's supposed to be shouting right now!' My body physically recoils as it's expecting shouting for no particular reason. It doesn't help that my peers called me intimidating and shy as a child. I thought they'd be on my side.

[Carnationlove]

I feel your pain 🩷 I'm very sorry for what happened, and the trauma doesn't just go away either with the snap of a finger. I myself finally a year ago started therapy and had to take medication to just hang on. Through this time I feel talking to others that can relate and understand, and when you feel not so alone and feel validated can help. So if you need to talk, vent and get upset just let it out so hopefully you will feel better at least a little? 💘 Also there's a good book my therapist told me about, it's called the body keeps the score. It's specifically written for those who have been through trauma to maybe to understand about it a little more and to hopefully heal or at least start to heal. My heart and prayers are with you. It's nice to meet you 🙏