I'm new here.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago and that explains a lot...
I was a victim of Sexual Abuse, Bullying and Child Abuse from plenty of people growing up.
I never told anyone, except my doctor and husband.
Always felt like an abnormal person, with weird attitudes, control freak, overthinking everything and always in "alert"mode.
It only got worse over the years but last year I became a mom and that's when I knew I needed help.
Having my baby made me realize how broken I was, how afraid I was that this baby would go through the same things I did as a baby, I tried to protect her from everything and everyone but things started to get worse and worse as family members/ friends didn't understand why I was having some attitudes.
I looked for help and I've been seeing my doctor for almost a year now (I saw some improvements but things are not perfect) but I'm here to ask for some insight from someone that maybe went through what I'm going through right now.
My husband is a very pragmatic/ logic person, he says what he thinks, no sugar coating, but on the other hand I'm super emotional, and some words that he says affects me in a very bad bad way.
I get super sad, angry and instead of talking and expressing myself like a "normal" person I react with anger.
In that moment, because I'm hurt, "I feel the need" to hurt him too by saying things I know it will put him down.
In his defense, he always says: I don't have any intention to hurt you, and when I say things a certain way it's because I'm not aware you will get hurt, but when you (Me) say things to hurt me on purpose, that's worse.
The truth is I can't control myself, I feel EXTREMELY angry when someone hurts me and my defense mechanism is to hurt that person back so they know how I feel...
My question is:
How do you deal when you feel angry by someone hurting you? I tried to step away but sometimes is bigger than me, I feel like I'm someone else, someone not me, that is filled with anger 😞
Please help with any suggestions!!
Thank you so much!!!
