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[JacksonLawrence]

I have complex PTSD due to abuse by family members. When I was very young I felt my soul die. I have been hospitalized twice due to suicide attemps. Everyday I suffer the symptoms of CO-PTSD. Impulsivity, aggressiveness and almost all the other symptoms related to CO-PTSD and it scares me that I may kill or hurt someone or myself. I have no one. I need help.

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. I just wanted to invite you to also join the Anxiety and Depression Support on this site. It is much more active. People are posting all day every day. You might want to repost this there and see if you can get some replies. I hope you find this site as helpful as I have. Please don't hesitate to call 988 if you are feeling like you might kill or hurt someone or yourself.

[Kitsune-Udon]

Hi,

As a fellow survivor and warrior, I would like to say, you are not alone. I too felt this way for a long time. It's also easy to fall back into that way of thinking. I've learned a lot on my journey and perhaps most importantly, you are right to want help. I suggest you get a therapist. One who understands the unique hellscape that is cptsd, depression, and anxiety. I'm not here to diagnose but it's likely you have those as well. It's very common among our group. I'd be more surprised if you didn't, just due to the minimal history you shared and what I know based on my journey.

I want to commend you on reaching out and let you know that you have some amazing resilience. You have to in order to make it this long. I say that from experience and having been told this myself. People in situations like ours (not saying we have exactly the same, just we are survivors of atrocity) generally don't make it to mid-life and beyond. That's what I was told by my therapist anyhow.

In my experience I really did need someone objective to help guide me on this journey. I spent years trying to do it alone and lost far more than I ever gained. Only after getting help have I truly started to grow and work toward thriving.

I don't get notifications on posts often here, but if you ever just want to chat with someone who might understand, feel free to message me on this site. I can't write a book right now but I would be happy to share what things seem to help me, should you have interest.

I hope that you take that step and get a hold of someone to help guide you. I wish you good health, happiness, peace, and love.