Nursing Home Tears.. :-(

[Bubbles1]

Hi All, well my father in law finally got a weeks respite sorted for my mother in law, you'd think he would be relieved. Far from it, he has been trying to settle her most of the day, she has cried non stop, practically in hysterics, not going to stay there, hates it, hates everyone, don't leave me, etc etc. Poor man is wrecked he is so unhappy by her reaction, he has explained to her that he needs a break, he is exhausted, begging her to work with him so he can recharge his batteries and be able to look after her for the next few months, but she refuses to listen. Is this a normal reaction to going into respite? He told me he will probably need to take her home after only a couple of days. I don't know what to say to him? I know it sounds dreadful but she seems almost selfish if you know what I mean

Can anyone advise?

Many Thanks All

Bubbles x

[Hummingbird_]

Hi Bubbles,

Try not to get too disheartened ...... it is a natural reaction - she's probably frightened, worried and just not wanting to change - we would all be pretty much the same in that situation. Has your father-in-law rang the home after he has left to see if she has settled or has she said why she doesn't want to stay?

This is a really bad comparison but I worked in a nursery school for many years and every time we had a new intake we had tears and tantrums .... within a week or so they would settle and often it was 'just for show' - when Mum's went they children were fine.

My Step Dad went to a nursing home for respite (as my Mum was terminally ill) - it took a while for him to settle but he did, it was long term and ended up being permanent as my Mum died .... I visited almost every day and was able to build up reassurance.

Try to be strong and encourage your father-in-law to be the same ..... it will get easier with time - if he gives in now she may not agree to go again which would leave him in a far worse situation - they both need that rest.

Hope all settles and goes well for you all.

Take care,

Tree Hugger x

[Bubbles1 in reply to Hummingbird_]

Hi Tree Hugger

Thank you so much, that makes a lot of sense. Less tears today, I think the staff explained to her why this break is so important. Maybe hearing it from someone who isn't family might help her see sense. My father in law is going to stick with it this week. You are totally right, if he gives in now he'll never get her to accept it.

Thank you again!

Bubbles xx

[Hummingbird_ in reply to Bubbles1]

Hi Bubbles,

It is often easier coming from someone else - whether it be from a professional or just someone who has had a similar experience.

Just as a thought, if the home has a 'day-care' facility too, then it might be worth considering using once a week or so (subject to cost of course) - this will also help your father-in-law get a regular break and also keep mum-in-law familiar with the home, possibly making it easier for the next stay.

I do hope everything works out well for everyone - my thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Take care,

Tree Hugger x