Nursing home-short term: Advice needed. Mum... - PSP Association

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Nursing home-short term

17052011 profile image

Advice needed. Mum fell 4 weeks ago hurt her arm, took her to a & e, she got an infection from the fall she has been in for 4 weeks, I was told they had done a section 2 to detain her as it would not be safe for her to be living on her own(I've been saying the same for 12 months). So during this time I was told to find mum a bed in a residential home so after 2 very stressful and emotional weeks I got one, then I was told after the further assessments by district nurses etc oh no sorry she needs a nursing bed, so off I went again through the whole difficult process of trying to find a nursing bed. Mum is now in an s home that is OK for short term, can't see her being there forever, mum complained they first day and said she hates it, and to find her somewhere else. My question is what am I to expect after the 4 weeks is up? We don't anticipate her going back to the flat as she lives on her own and it's just not safe anymore for her. Will they extend her stay if I can't find her a permanent bed in a decent home ☹️

18 Replies

What a horrible situation to be in. I think you will have to ask the home she is in now and those who assessed her, what the situation will be. A friend recently had the same situation. The home her mother was in was deemed unsuitable as it did not provide full nursing care. It was 6 weeks before she could find another suitable home with a vacancy but the original home kept her mum there until then. They did keep hassling her to find somewhere though. She eventually found a home a bit further away but her mum has settled well.

I know how stressful it is as I had to find a home for my mum as she was bed blocking in hospital. I had to take time off school in term time, made dozens of phone calls and many visits. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


17052011 profile image
17052011 in reply to NannaB

Thank you for your reply itnis very difficult and frustrating . To be honest don't think mum is going to be happy in any nursing home as she is only 64 and is really too young and should not have to be going into a home so young ☹️

Ask around and Google to find out more about the resthomes nearest to you that can provide hospital-type care.

It is NOT the same as being at home! You can't decide what to have for your meal, but we found that there are soft options instead of standard meals, and there was always jelly, icecream and yoghurt.

Hope you have some success and that your mum finds comfort! It is never an easy road. In the end, you are the one who has to make the decision, so look carefully at what are the essential care necessities -comfort, good nursing and good food.

It helps if the same home can care for her as she gets to the end stage, as moving then is so much more difficult.

Ask around people who have relatives in care. See what they think. It is a hard decision and I don't feel I have been much help! My thoughts are with you!

Hugs, Jen

17052011 profile image
17052011 in reply to honjen43

That's helpful thanks.

Forgive me for being so blunt, but could she live with you? Like you said, 65 is pretty young....and believe me those same type of issues have befallen me Catheter Care for one who is only 56....

Much luck to both you and your mum


17052011 profile image
17052011 in reply to abirke

If I could I would. I work full time with two little kids and live in a very small house that would not be safe nor practical.

abirke profile image
abirke in reply to 17052011

I do hope good comes out of this.

Nobody can put her back into her old home, without a full package of care, unless all parties agree!

You just have to keep fighting your corner. I agree with honjen, try and make sure, which ever home you choose, can look after her, for the rest of her life.

There are good places out there, lots of them. The main problem is our own perception of what is acceptable. For me, I would only be happy in a five star resort at the moment, but as far as me putting S anywhere, his safety and well being has to be my priority. Not whether the wallpaper and carpet match! I talk about my Mothers home, but she has never been happier. (She has Alzheimer's, not PSP)

Lots of love


Hi my wife is 65 and has been in nursing home for 4 months, in hind sight (great that I know) we were lucky that we had been round all nursing homes within 40 miles (10 in all) when M was mobile and could express her wishes. We had short listed 2 and when I could no longer cope we were lucky to get a place in 1 of our first choice. M is only now beginning to accept the situation but then she is probably further down the PSP road than your mum and not mobile or able to communicate.

The message is your mum will always want to go home to her flat which is not practical so she may have to get used to a new home, which is not easy.

To help find one you need a list of appropriate homes. Unlike in Heady's area here in North wales nursing homes are not that common. If she is on CHC you can approach them if you cannot find a new home they will have to find one for you. Ask the NHS and your local social services for a list of nursing homes appropriate to her condition (not EMI ones elderly, mentally infirm). You will be surprised how few there are.

You will have to fight the authorities who will try and make you look after her at you home which is impractical and will be unfair on your children and partner. It may be an awful position for you to say no but you must.

Good luck best wishes for both of you Tim

17052011 profile image
17052011 in reply to Amilazy

Thanks Tim, I have visited numerous homes and called so many in the last few weeks. I am lucky that in Merseyside there are quite a lot of homes, saying that though none have beds. It is only temporary where mum is now so I still have the task of having to find somewhere more permanent. Mum thinks she's going back to the flat after 4 weeks but I have trie to explain that probably won't happen. It's so difficult. Because she falls so much they won't let her stay in her room they keep putting in her in the lounge with the other residents whom are much older and more poorly than she is so it's getting her down. I don't see how any other home is going to be different ?

Amilazy profile image
Amilazy in reply to 17052011

M was on a waiting list for 8 weeks but I know the CHC team leant on the home to put M up the list.

I know exactly what you mean about the residents lounge, M is 15+ years younger than most of the others though most are more vocal than her so she likes her room and the radio, and me. I am feeling guilty as it seems she is spending so much time on her own in a nice but small bedroom. The nurses and carers are very kind but cannot spend time with her, so she looks so lost whenever I have to go home. Likewise it is not a viable option to bring her home as I realise I would burn out again in a few months and we would be back to square one.

17052011 profile image
17052011 in reply to Amilazy

They have said she isn't entitle CHC yet but probably will be in the near future. I will speak with social services again on Tuesday to see what can be done with regards to placing her somewhere permanent. It's also frustrating as the nurse in the home the other day said mum had Parkinson's! I am like a broken record having to constantly correct them and try and explain that mum has CBD. I actually printed off the diagnosis and started handing it out so I don't have to explain myself over and over.

Amilazy profile image
Amilazy in reply to 17052011

Contact PSPA and ask for the local PSPA support worker to contact you. Also ask for their information on CBD so you can pass other items on to the home. I think they may be able to provide assistance in claiming CHC also have a check up on Kevin1's posts on CHC on this site.

Good luck Tim


refer mum to your local adult services immediatley, she is at risk , may not be of your choosing but she will be safe. most local councils now operate a one number system through a hub so just ask to speak to assessment team for adult services. i find the professional packs from the psp society invaluable to give to every person who walks through the door! social services get a bad rap lately but i could not fault ours.

julie x

Hi my husband Ben who is 64 is still in hospital (11 weeks now!) after breaking his hip as they can't find a care package due to lack of carers in the community. The hospital wanted to put him into a nursing home but he refused. They now have to write to us to state his refusal, we then write back and so on and do on. In the meantime I hope they get a card package together and he is able to come home soon. He will be living downstairs and wet room is near completion and I will be here to care for him with support. Very different for us as I am his wife not his daughter and no other dependants at home. I know that my sons wouldn't be able to look after me if I was on my own with this horrible condition. It is such a dilemma and very sad when they are so young. Best of luck finding somewhere that she can settle into and find some kind of happiness.

Love Kate xxxx

17052011 profile image
17052011 in reply to Katiebow

Hiya thanks for your reply. It's awful how difficult it is to get them placed somewhere there isn't enough help and assistance you have to learn what to do as you go along its all very stressful isn't it. Now mum is in a home as its only temporary I now have the worry of finding her somewhere permanent .

Are you in the UK?

I take it you mean Section 2 MHA? Well, I wasn't there, but it sounds close to mis-use of the MHA. The Capacity Act would perhaps have been more appropriate. I am rather shocked. (I have operated under the MHA for thirty years as an AMHP).

Anyway the reason they need to get her out of hospital within four weeks is that the Section 2 expires after 28 days and it cannot be renewed. Section 2 MHA is supposed to be for assessment only. With the sole purpose of keeping someone safe whilst a diagnosis is being made. If there already was a diagnosis they should not have used it, but rather have gone for Section 3.

On S.2: After the 28 days they must either release her or assess her again with a view to using S.3 of the MHA. Anyone detained under S.3 immediately becomes the sole financial responsibility of the NHS for continuing care costs in perpetuity. They would have to pay the Nursing Home Costs in full for as long as it was needed. They will be acutely aware of this.

They really have dug a hole for themselves.

Ask to speak to the hospital discharge team. The hospital is required to have one whose duty it is to ensure appropriate resources on discharge. Tell them that you want your mother assessed for Continuing Health Care and then sit back. Continuing Health Care means that the NHS will pay all care costs. Something else they might be trying to avoid.

They have a duty to do the work they are asking you to do.

Myself? I would just say that I am unfamiliar with Nursing Homes and her needs and risks and how they might best be met and that I think that they should use their expertise here. (and do the job they are being paid to do).

If they do not pick up the baton ask for the contact details of the PALS Office (Patient Advice and Liaison Officer). They are there to problem solve before tings escalate to complaint level. PALS jump from a great height and if you have to use them you will find things happen fast.

Do come back if you want clarification of any of these points or if, later, things don't progress in you Mum's favour.

(I have had to make a few assumptions in this post - sorry).

Kevin_1 profile image
Kevin_1 in reply to Kevin_1

Sorry I have missed the boat on this one.

Speak to her GP and ask for assistance from the Continuing Health Care Team. They will assess her and do the placement and funding if she is successful.

You could always go back to the PALS office and complain that she was effectively "dumped" out of hospital and demand that the hospital discharge team step in and do the job properly.

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