I have that horrible feeling of guilt again. Mum is not very well, I think she has the horrible bug that's going round. So, we have had to put Dad into emergency respite. He was supposed to be going in on Monday for a week anyway so he's gone in a few days earlier. Still, when I left him there today, it actually broke my heart. I hate this, it was not meant to be this way - his life I mean. Before PSP really took hold he was the centre of our lives in a very different way. We all took his advice, laughed until we cried at his jokes, asked him how to fix things, just general Dad and husband things I guess. But now, he's a different man, a different Dad and a different husband. I would do anything to have him back just for a moment so that we can ask him if what we are doing is right. I hate to think of him on his own...I don't want him to be frightened and I don't want him to think he is alone. I know he is safe, and they look after him well, but I don't want him to feel abandoned. I cried all the way home today, feeling like I had left a child at nursery for the first time. Fending for himself without us around. You all know with PSP, it is such a specialist thing, people don't 'get' it a lot of the time and do you know what; sometimes you just get so fed up of explaining it all don't you!?
Thanks for listening - it helps to have somewhere where you can be completely honest.
Love to all,