3rd month after death

[jprall]

I am in the third month after my beloved one's death. I got through the illness, I got through the hospital, I got through watching him die and taking care of the aftermath.

But now I am feeling that he is really gone?

[Hummingbird_]

Jprall,

You are not alone

It is so difficult to adjust after caring for a loved one who had such an intense illness. My step dad died (PSP) a month ago, to be honest it hasn't really hit me yet - I also lost my Mum to a rare cancer earlier this year - again I don't feel that has hit me yet either, probably because I was trying to actively care and support Roy even though he was in a nursing home.

To be honest I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I have found comfort in our local PSP Support Group - they know what you have been through, they can lend a listening ear, maybe share their experiences and help you to come to terms with everything - I would love to take away your pain but all I can offer is a 'virtual hug' and I send it to you from my heart.

You are not alone

With love and hugs

J x

[jprall]

Thank you for the hugs and words. They mean a lot.

I wish I could to take away your pain also. Alas, I can't.

Sending you my love, good thoughts, and a great big virtual hug

J.

[Hummingbird_ in reply to jprall]

Thank you J, very much appreciated - stay strong

Best wishes J x

[peterjones]

well to both of you i am very sorry for your grief in my eyes you are both champions i also wish i could ease the pain that you are going through but i can't take care of yourselves time is a great healer psp sufferer peter jones queensland australia

[Hummingbird_ in reply to peterjones]

Thank you so much for your kind words Peter.

I hope you are able to get all the help and support you may need and that PSP is kind to you.

Best wishes, J x

[jprall in reply to peterjones]

Thank you Peter. How kind of you to give words to a stranger. I hope you....wow I was going to say some contrite thing. Here is what I hope. I hope it is easy and if not get angry, yell, cry, smile, laugh, and make fun. That is what my brother did. He was totally honest with me. I think he was the champion.

[anniemay]

He is not gone because he is always in your heart: what has gone is his pain and intolerable discomfort. He has true peace at last and you must let this give you strength. For you, it will take time to fill that emptiness - my husband went into respite car yesterday and I am lost, having lived with the disease for nearly 10 years I realise it is going to be so hard to let go when the time comes. But I've had lots of time to think about it - and our loved ones would want us to have the release from the disease too. My thoughts are with you.

Ann

[jprall in reply to anniemay]

That is a beautiful thought. Thank you.

I am sorry about your husband. I know the strange emptiness and feeling like your lost in a maze. I call it going down the "rabbit hole", you know Alice in Wonderland. Your very right about our love one's wanting us to be released as much as they want it. I was lucky, my brother let me know that the day before he passed. My thoughts go with you.

[teena2]

I lost Chris in June after 4 years of very intensive nursing care, all at home. He went into respite occasionally for a week at a time. I do feel for you. All my family and friends tell me I have to give myself more time, even now they still keep telling me it is too early to expect much of myself.

I am a great sound bite person and take support and help from the words written by Canon Henry Scott-Holland. It is too long to write it all up here but do look it up on Google. It begins

"Death is nothing at all. i have only slipped away into the next room. I am I and you are you. Whatever were to each other, that we are still........... I keep this in full view at all times so that I can read it if I need. Maybe you can do what I try to do and think of him as only being in the next room. It does help. with love.

Teena2

[Hummingbird_ in reply to teena2]

Death is nothing at all

I have only slipped away into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other

That we are still

Call me by my old familiar name

Speak to me in the easy way you always used

Put no difference into your tone

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed

At the little jokes we always enjoyed together

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was

Let it be spoken without effort

Without the ghost of a shadow in it

Life means all that it ever meant

It is the same as it ever was

There is absolute unbroken continuity

What is death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind

Because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you for an interval

Somewhere very near

Just around the corner

All is well.

Nothing is past; nothing is lost

One brief moment and all will be as it was before

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

[jprall in reply to Hummingbird_]

Thank you for posting the entire part of this poem. It struck me to my heart. It is what I think he would have said had he been able to speak. I am going to read it to my family.

[jprall in reply to teena2]

So we are a month different in grief. That is a beautiful poem. I never read it before but it speaks volumes.

Here is another one:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead,

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves,

He was my North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday res,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

[Hummingbird_ in reply to jprall]

Another I found to be quite nice ........

I am free

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free,

I'm following paths God made for me

I took his hand I heard him call

Then turned, and bid farewell to all

I could not stay another day

To laugh, to love, to sing, to play

Tasks left undone must stay that way

I found my peace... at close of play

And if my parting left a void

Then fill it with remembered joy

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss

Ah yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened... deep with sorrow

I wish you sunshine of tomorrow

My life's been full I've savoured much

Good friends, good times

A loved one's touch

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief

Don't lengthen it now with grief

Lift up your hearts and share with me,

God wants me now... He set me free.

Anonymous

[denmob]

I feel very saddened by your pain and at this time there are no words I can give you except to say your loved one is no longer suffering and they will always be with you in your heart. God Bless.

[jprall in reply to denmob]

Thank you for your bravery to write this response. I am hoping you are not suffering too much in whatever way you are connected to this disease. My thoughts go with you.

[Hidden]

big virtual cuddle x