I’m moving to assisted living tomorrow and I feel like I’m preparing for prison.
My daughter and I have gone through stuff she might like having and boxed up the rest to ship to family up north. The truth is I’m doing the sorting she would have to do after I’m gone, sifting through everything, deciding what to give to people in my life, what to sell, what to donate and what to take with me to my new “studio apartment.” We found my mother’s 1941 wedding veil, my baby book and my dad’s 1950s car design drafting tools. We found family pictures more than a hundred years old. We sorted them all. We laughed a lot.
There is a lot of loss in this process from directions I hadn’t considered — on Monday the dentist removed a wobbly crown and I decided replacing it was simply not worth the price now that I’m moving to mechanical food. So she shaved the remains of the tooth flat (there’s a root canal on the tooth roots). I cried like a baby. We were all surprised. Later I realized I’d had a tooth or crown in that position for all almost all my life, certainly all the life I can remember, and now there’s a gap.
Give me a week or ten days and I’ll be fine. I’ll know when to expect the jail warden to walk through, I’ll know what time to go to lunch even though I don’t eat lunch here at home.
I’m looking forward to figuring out how to break the rules while avoiding trouble. I’m looking forward to the good reasons I have for making this move. I’ll be safe even when I’m alone in my room. I’ll have people who will be expecting to see me every day. My daughter will live nearby. There’ll be a car available to take me out to appointments. Somebody will do my laundry.
I’ve been radically independent as an adult. That attitude has taken me to 4 continents. My life lesson now is about letting people in to my tiny world, about being grateful for help. That’s a hard one for me.
I’d encourage you to look at your everyday challenges, some waaaay tougher than others, and keep looking forward anyway.
See you in a week.
Kyle (66yr female)
Written by
Kayelless
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What a lovely post. I wish you all the best in your new abode. Yes, life is a long adventure. Some nice and some not so. It’s how to respond to it without resentment and feeling bitter. But to embrace this short life with what we have and can do now. I hope and pray that you will be surrounded by love and kindness.
This may sound trite and patronising, but perhaps it might actually allow you to be free rather than jailed? Free to no longer struggle with the domestic, free to use the time you have to do what you CAN do. I’ve supported my mother through the process of downsizing to a retirement flat and then even further to a nursing home, and although she could no longer do so many of the things she had (including travelling), for several years it has freed her from struggling with not being able to do things. I’m sure there is much that will be hard and frustrating, so as others on this forum say, keep on keeping on!
Wow, that was one of the most powerful posts in a long while!
I feel your pain and frustration. Equally, your wonderful determination to carry on living, even though that living is going to be different from now on. Your acceptance of this evil disease is remarkable and ability to keep fighting your corner, is a lesson for us all.
I'm sure it was lovely going through those memories with your daughter. Sounds like you've had a lovely life of adventures and this is just the new chapter. But from the way you've eloquently written you know that and a little wallowing and ruefulness never goes amiss.
Good luck with it all and take pleasure in the opportunities assisted living will bring.
So we'll expressed. I have a 91 year old mother who has moved to assisted living last year and she is thriving at a place called ironically "Thrive". However, my 86 year old mother who lives alone and 1500 miles from any of her children or grandchildren is "thinking" about moving closer to one of us if she can buy her own home with gardens and extra bedrooms if she ever needs live in home care. What is the correct solution for each of us depends on the priorities we have and it always helps to have the funds to pay for those choices. My ex-husband has psp at 68 and is also determined to stay in his own home as long as possible after a truly disasterous move to assisted living last year. He lives alone and pays dearly for home care 12 hours per day and bought a different home last year which is accessible and it absolutely is the right decision for him. He could not handle the social aspects of group living and ended up not eating and in intensive care for a long time in the hospital. He also hated the food and had trouble swallowing it and now has a full time career who is a fairly good cook. Best of luck and hope you have an experience like my mother-in-law has had.
You are such a brave and wonderful lady. Lots of luck in your new abode. May you create more new wonderful memories with your family. Lots of love to you. 🌷
I like adventure. It can be fun or it can have an awful outcome. You learn from both. Either way, I like to think the odds are in my favor. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Well I’m here and past my first 24 hours. I was so tired yesterday, my legs ached and locked up until I took an aleve and a nap late afternoon. Then again at 8pm I was so tired I wondered if they put Xanax in the cole slaw. 🤭 I’m doing well today.
I lived in a 12’ x 20’ tiny house for several years and this room is bigger than that.
The carpet (what? Carpet?) in the room and tile in the entry/bathroom are no-slip and a challenge to navigate. I have to pick my feet up instead of my usual shuffle. And I’m going to have Schwarzenegger arms from getting the wheelchair across the carpet in a week.
I found some other loners at lunch and we agreed half way thru the meal after we’d introduced ourselves just to eat in silence. We must have looked odd from other tables but we were all happy having all lived alone before moving here.
So all in all a good start. I brought along a stash of chocolate so I can get through anything at this point.
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Mum PSP , continuing health care.
Downhill or not?
My beautiful Nana is no longer suffering 
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