Have you ever really wondered if everything happens for a reason? Sometimes it is really hard to accept that sort of thinking, but ... this... this right here ... is an everything happens for a reason moment.
First, my Mom had always, for as long as I can remember .. I can hear her saying , “I would be happy with windows all around me” —- she has always loved sitting, relaxing with her cup of coffee or tea ... and wishing for a better view.
We sold our home 2 years ago, built a house that would offer a first floor bedroom/bath ... without too much detail - we were completely unhappy with the builder, the development, and the lack of trees. We decided to sell it —- Bam! Sold in 28 days ... and we found the perfect house!
You know when you know when you know? Well, this is it ... and my sweet Momma could not be more happy, and so are we! Meant to be!!!
Momma is doing ok - she sleeps a lot, swallowing is still an issue, but we are managing. Our stand assist is our miracle discovery, and we love being able to get mom around the house —-see the plastic mats on the floor; makes it easy to push her around vs. carpeting.
I do have to care for Mom 100% - personal hygiene, feeding, everything ... but, there is an amazing sense of humility in honoring my Mother in this season.
To those of you new to this forum ... you are in the right place to support this unique and most difficult journey —- I have made some wonderful friends and confidants, that should probably send me an invoice for their invaluable counsel.
Finding the slivers of joy in these chaotic days
— xx Kim
PS - I do have help now - respite twice per week (5 hours x 2 = 10 hours for me to do whatever I want to do for me! 😉)
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An amazing room with a view Kim. So good for your mum to be able to see the changes of seasons and hear the bird song. I have also thought that everything happens for a reason. OK, we don’t always understand at the time but one day, maybe a long time later, it all becomes clear.
Enjoy those 10 hours Kim. I felt it a privilege to be able to care for my darling husband but I did value the 8 hours a week I got and used them to see friends, visit places nearby, continue with a hobby etc. It also gave me something new to talk to Colin about, tell him funny things friends had said or done, things happening in the village etc.
Enjoy your new home Kim and continue finding joy in a world of chaos, there is still plenty to be found even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.
NannaB I have missed connecting with you. Yes, the 10 hours is such a re-fuel for me, and I would impress on anyone reading this thread to definitely seek out quality help, and allow yourself to have "me time" -- I am such a better caregiver with the refuel.
Kim I am glad to hear you have help now. I know how hard it is to leave your Mum, but you MUST use up every single second of your respite. I found hair appointments etc, were good, as you knew exactly how long they took. If back early, I would always head for the shower or a bedroom and stayed there until I was called. People leaving is a great alarm call, no need to worry about sleeping through. Please don’t feel guilty about needing this help. It is all part of your Mum’s care, without it, where would she be????
Anne -- If you remember, me asking for help... was just not happening. But, I hit a wall, broke down, exhausted, and my husband stepped in and had 'the honey I love you but, " talk -- Shortly thereafter, the interviews began --- and now, the breaks are regular -- I still struggle with guilt, I admit -- but, I am such a better caregiver to my Momma when I have some time for myself. I appreciate you always. xxKim
Hi KimCan't add much more to comments already as they say how I feel too.
Superb room for your mum!
I chose room with a view for hubby in his last week. He had little time to enjoy, but was content.
I chose my new home cos of lots of windows and cupboards - and its neighbourhood. Have not looked back!! Or considered elsewhere - and no "what ifs" at all!
Yes, things do happen for a reason! So pleased most of the chaos of moving must be over now. And that you have help and time out for YOU!
Jen -- I am enjoying every day now, and my heart simply bursts when I see Momma relaxed and enjoying this environment -- feel a great self accomplishment. I will never look back with regrets on this journey with Momma.
I do have a funny story ... I may have to share in a separate post ...
A real perfect picture. I also made sure I created a restful room with a view for Chris. I still sit there and think of him as the seasons change . I echo the importance of treasuring the off time too. It energises you and consequently benefits both of you. You are doing so well Kim. Big hug from Jean xx
Hi Jean! I hope you are well, so nice to hear from you. We are so happy with this special space, and it just brings m heart immense joy to see my Mom enjoying it so much. Big hugs back! xx Kim
I am big believer in power of positivity -- I, like everyone here, experience some really hard days -- but, it is important to me to bring joy to my sweet Momma's day as best I can. I read quote once that says, "It is not joy that makes us grateful. It is gratitude that makes us joyful." I am so incredibly grateful for the life my mother provided ... with such sacrifice she continued to give. Now, its my turn -- as best I can. Hugs, Kim
I think she is ... we have a family of deer that she looks for every morning. Today, we saw beautiful red fox! She was pointing ... eyes wide open, and forming words - "RED FOX, RED FOX" - my heart smiled.
I love that room with a view. I am so glad that you got to move to such a beautiful place and I think you do an amazing job of caring for your momma. Enjoy that respite time as you deserve and need it. Have a lovely day love Sarahxxx
Hey Sarah! Thank you -- we just adore this room! Tomorrow is my respite day -- me and my hubby are going to take ride (cant go anywhere really), but we will take a ride through our national park, and maybe pick up a Starbucks. Its the little things, huh? 🙂
Kim it is a beautiful room for you Mum and lovely to be able to sit her by the large windows. Does she not slide down the chair? I used to have a footrest for John to put his feet up otherwise sometime she ended up on the floor if I was not watching closely Pauline xx
Hi Pauline! It is a beautiful space for us to share 🙂 The bed that you see in the picture, is actually mine, and we have a hospital bed on the other side of the way; someone is always in there at night -- brings me peace of mind at this point. Up to this moment, we have not had any issues with her sliding out -- although, I will say, it is a leather material, so depending on what she is wearing she will slide, so Ive considered getting a protector and try that.
Awwww, this touches my heart, truly. I feel incredibly blessed to even be able to stay home and care for her. I realize the future is unknown as far as my continued care, but I will keep doing what IM doing as long as I can. I am surrounded by wonderful family that has allowed me to step away from duties in our family business. Feeling humbled by your words. xx Kim
Happy New Year Kim! What a fantastic room! The verandah looks enticing too when the weather improves, I can see exactly why your mum is so happy there and all of you.
So pleased that you're getting some respite care too and feeling better for it.
Hi Fiona!!!! I hope you are doing wonderful; these are some crazy days that we are living through. We cannot wait for better weather! I told Mom that we will sit out on the verandah for lunch every single day. 🙂 Respite has been the best decision for me! I have a funny story to share about our new home ... separate posting soon. HA!
Hi Kim, thanks for sharing the photo. What an amazing room, large picture windows, patio doors leading out on to a veranda and a lovely view out onto trees. You have brought your mother's dream come true and you should be so proud of yourself, providing this plus the loving care you have and continue to give her. I added a sunroom on to our house and had the outside landscaped so Will had somewhere nice to sit and enjoy the view.
I am glad your husband sat you down and had that talk with you and you now have some respite time to yourself. I got 4 very precious hours on a Tuesday morning and met up with friends for coffee/ bike ride or went to the hairdresser. I hope you get to enjoy your respite especially in these strange times where we are curtailed in what we can and cannot do.
Hi Nanny! I strongly believe that moms environment -- not just visually, but everything contributes to her overall mental health --- or a big part of this battle, I feel. So, without all that I cannot control -- some things, I can. 😀 As for respite, so limiting on what I can do -- but getting out and disconnecting from the responsibility does so much for me.
For anyone reading this post, if you have not reached out for help -- I wish I would have done it a long time ago, and without the encouragement of those in this forum, I would still be doing it all. Get some help.
What a lovely large room for your mom. Moving is always a challenge but it sounds like you landed in just the right spot. Anxious to hear your funny story... sending hugs to you & mom... Granni B
Hey Granni B!!! I hope you are doing well!!!! Yes, moving was a real challenge, but so happy that we did -- I will post my story separately --- it is too funny not to share. ((Hugs)) Kim
Kim, the room/view is perfect. What a wonderful way for your mom to spend her days. I am so glad to hear you have help. I finally learned that lesson as well. At the end, I even had someone come in three nights a week, so I could get some uninterrupted sleep without the baby monitor. You simply cannot run on air. I tried.Glad you also discovered the plastic mats. A real carpet and back saver. So much easier to roll the Hoyer Lift and wheelchair.
Sounds like you're doing well and once again somewhat manageable!! Kudos to you!! I don't think I could have sold a house and set a new one up while John was alive. Then again, you just never know how strong you are, until tested.
Hey Alice!!! I am blessed to have our friend Miss Linda that comes in and gives me night breaks --- interrupted sleep is magical! I compare this journey to my children being babies --- feels exactly the same. As for the plastic mats!!!!! Game Changer with the stand assist! (Big Hugs) Kim
OH KIM!!!! How absolutely lovely!!!Even the gray of winter is a view to behold. Your Mom is so very fortunate to have an amazing daughter caring for her. Are those office chair mats on the floor? Great idea!! Im sure she is very grateful for you and the care, even if she can't express it in words. Enjoy the precious moments and the renewing time for yourself.
Thank you!!! It is picture perfect! And YES! Those are office chair mats -- I ordered them on Amazon -- large rectangular all across the room -- I was having a really hard time pushing the stand assist across the carpeting, so I had to come up with something that would allow me to roll across, and these are perfect! It saves the carpet, in addition to a few accident "spills" that we've had -- carpet is protected, so multiple benefits. I will share -- yesterday, I was doing her nails, and I will be the first to say, that I am not that girl --- I don't fuss with nails, make up, etc. I mean I work in the industry of fashion believe it or not, but I am the last person that does all that -- so me doing her manicure and pedicure (covid life at its best) --- she was smiling at me, and I looked at her and said, "mom what are you thinking" .. she kept smiling and started saying something, and it takes me a few times to really figure out sometimes what she is saying, and made my heart burst when I realized what she was saying --- "thank your for taking care of me" ... I held it together, but as soon as I walked out of the room --- tears started flowing uncontrollably. God only knows how much I love her, and reality of this damn disease just overwhelms me in moments like these. ((hugs to you)) Kim
That house looks amazing and your mum must love her room. I am glad you have some respite - you are a superwoman but even superheroes need time to chill.
That’s a beautiful pic and it shows so much peace. I look at Dad abs realise how much he misses the most normal things. When he could still speak to us, he had to remind us that he wanted to look out of the window when we were discussing moving the furniture. There is so much sameness and lack of variety in their life that the small things matter. Every touch is an opportunity to love, every smile a way of reminding them what they mean to us. We lose a bit of him every day, but every day we’re grateful we have him for one day longer.
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((Hugs)) Kim
Traumatized by psp!!!!
