Missing Mum

[Spiralsparkle]

Hi beautiful souls

Today is my Mum's 72nd birthday.

Unfortunately I have still not had access to see her since October or any contact on how she is.

I miss her every minute but this week leading up to her Birthday has been extremely painful.

Facebook has this morning produced memories and I've been comforted by the messages Mum had typed over the last 11 years and can see the decline in her ability too. For her 70th two years ago we had a tea party & I've got some lovely photos of us together. Fond memories to always treasure.

I've arranged today to spend the day with my closest two friends to mark the day. We are going to a Lavender farm. Mum has being using Lavender essential oil for decades, way before it was trendy. She has always been into natural health.

Then this evening we are going to a fundraiser for research into all dementias & rare conditions held by the local arm of Alzheimer's Research UK. CBD & PSP are covered by their research. It is a comedy night so it should be fun.

Sending love to you all.

Hugs

Sam X

[dollydott]

Dear Sam

I can only imagine how hard it must be for you not being able to see your mum. Its so sad. I am sure she must miss you too.

Have a lovely day at the lavender farm with your friends and enjoy your night of comedy it sounds like a good fundraiser to cheer you up.

I really feel for you.

Sending a big hug

Lynda 💕💕

[Spiralsparkle in reply to dollydott]

Thank you for your reply.

We had a good day.

I'm finding today tougher emotionally.

I kind of hope she has lost her memory of me, I've no idea what she thinks has gone on of even had it explained to her.

I pray everyday she is released from her suffering once & for all.

X

[Kevin_1]

Hi Sam

I remember well the issues surrounding your Mum. So very hurtful.

So very sad.

Enjoy the Lavender and Comedy

Hugs

Kevin

xx

[Spiralsparkle in reply to Kevin_1]

Hi Kevin

Thank you for your reply

It is heartbreaking & traumatic.

I live in hope I one day get a call to go to her before she dies. I also pray everyday she is released once & for all from CBD.

How are you bearing up?

X

[Kevin_1 in reply to Spiralsparkle]

Hi Sam

OK at the moment thanks.

We seem to be on a plateau and Liz is more settled.

Waiting for the storm I guess.

I just try to keep active, reading, wood fired bread baking, gardening, being bossed by Moggie.

It feels so empty inside sometimes.

Hugs to you

Warmly

Kevin

[Spiralsparkle in reply to Kevin_1]

I'm pleased that Liz is settled currently. I hear you on that waiting for the storm to hit again.

The emptiness...that is a biggie indeed.

our dog Amber is very good at bossing me & helps me smile when I really don't feel I have one in me.

The wood fired baking sounds interesting.

I find nature therapeutic also.

Hugs to you & hugs to Liz when you next visit.

X

[Hidden]

Sending you hugs of support on this special day. I am glad you will be busy with friends. It's toooo bad we can't fix all the broken systems in the world. Granni B

[Spiralsparkle in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply .

How I want to fight all the systems that played a part in breaking our relationship apart so traumatically & not bothering to understand her condition. For now I focus on getting myself through each day.

I know the truth, I hope they never forget her name.

Hugs x

[Marie_14]

Sam so sorry that you can't see your Mum today. Life can be very cruel at times.

I am really glad you are out with friends at the Lavender Farm.

Try to remember the happy times when your Mum was well?

Hugs to you.

Marie x

[Spiralsparkle in reply to Marie_14]

Hi Marie

Thank you for your reply

It was lovely at the lavender farm. The fundraiser was hilarious. This morning I am feeling very emotional.

How are you? X

[Marie_14 in reply to Spiralsparkle]

Sam

A bit lost to be honest. I feel it all more now than I did when G died. I was very controlled then. Too much so now I look back. Then the tears came and I have days when I cope and days when I just want to howl. I wonder if these feelings will ever go. Where is the lavender farm by the way? Maybe I need some?

Hugs to you.

Marie x

[Spiralsparkle in reply to Marie_14]

What you are feeling is not normal & natural response to grief. You will never forget G.

As carers I feel we go through such traumatic experiences watching the changes, being on high alert all the time, not being able to change what is occuring & feeling hopeless & helpless and so much more.

The lavender farm is just outside of Newport, it closes on August bank holiday. If you do make a trip maybe we could meet up?

Sending you massive hugs.

Xxx

[Nanny857]

Thinking of you Sam as you go through this difficult day, missing your mum on a special birthday. However you are right to spend it with special friends. Enjoy, you deserve it. Sending lots of love and a big hug. xx

[Spiralsparkle in reply to Nanny857]

Thank you for your reply & hug. Much needed & appreciated.

Hope you are well x

[Satt2015]

Dear Sam

I remember as Kevin does, heartbreaking!

Keep on hanging in there

Sending hugs x

[Spiralsparkle in reply to Satt2015]

Hi there

Thanks for the reply.

Totally heartbreaking.

I live in hope that I one day get called to see her before she dies & also that she is released once & for all of CBD.

The not knowing of how she is being cared for is horrendous after what I witnessed there.

How are you & Mum?

X

[Satt2015 in reply to Spiralsparkle]

Totally sh*t situation! Soooo feel for you sweetheart! The whole thing stinks and is more than wrong!!!!!

I believe in karma!

We are ok, just getting through each day, not easy but no choice. X

[Spiralsparkle in reply to Satt2015]

Yes I believe in Karma too.

Hugs to you & Mum.

Day by day, hour by hour is a good plan.

Xxx

[doglington]

So sorry to hear that things have not improved. I also look at photos and videos and remember the happy times.

Enjoy the day. Enjoy the memories.

Big hug for you.

Love Jean xx

[HilsandR]

So sad for you, Sam. Some things can be so difficult to put right - life can sometimes deal us a rotten hand but don't lose hope.

I am glad you have good friends to get out and about with and whatever happens, the good memories of your mum will always be your greatest treasure that nobody can take that away.

Best wishes, HilsandR

[Spiralsparkle in reply to HilsandR]

Thank you for your reply

That is so true, no one can take away the memories.

I do hope each day that I will get a call.

Hugs x

[Spiralsparkle]

Hi

Thank you for your reply

We did have a lovely day. I'm feeling more emotional today.

Hugs

X

[AJK2001]

So sorry things have not improved for you with your Mum, so very glad you have got good friends who understand and have shared the day with you.

Thinking of you. xxx

[Spiralsparkle in reply to AJK2001]

Hi

Thank you for your reply.

Yes I'm very grateful for these two special friends who for the last twenty years we have stuck by each other through the ups and downs of what life has thrown at us.

Life sure is a crazy ride at times.

X