Hello Community: I know this forum is for those who are currently battling through PSP (and the related Prime of Life brain diseases) but I have always appreciated the input of those survivors who've finished the battle, but stayed in touch and offer perspective to those still in it. I'm thinking maybe we could create a list of "Tips" to help those early survivors to get through that awful time of loss. Everyone has a unique experience and gift to offer. You just never know when that little thing you offer is just the thing that a struggling griever needs most at that moment!
WHAT GETS YOU THROUGH THE GRIEF??
I will then summarize the tips in a more compact form, so we'll have TWO strings to consult in our library of past posts.
So, will you add your tips to this post?
I'll start with an obvious one ... I keep checking in to this website, because although my journey is over, I know I will be accepted here, can communicate when I want, and can connect with an awesome group of caring people who "get it".... XXX Anne G.
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raincitygirl
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Yes. This forum is one of the best helps for grief because I have friends here and they know what I went through as a caregiver to a loved one who struggled with CBD, even though I have never met anyone face to face. Thanks Friends.
The other thing that helps me with my grief is to give of myself and spare time to others who are either struggling or need help. One specific activity is through a group in the US called Care Partners in one of their programs called “Gathering Place”. It is a engaging program specifically for individuals living with early to moderate Alzheimer’s, other dementias or memory loss.(program last about 3.5 hours). It gives their care givers that time to run errands or take a break from care giving. I know how hard it is to be a caregiver. (carepartnerstexas.org/)
As we know, everyone has to find their own way to get through grief. My way is to enjoy living and not waste a day! I didn’t dwell on what ifs, what now, I can’t, why has this happened, I jumped straight into doing. I went to Budapest with 5 other widows 3 weeks after my darling’s funeral and have never looked back visiting many places home and abroad ever since. I’ve joined lots of activity groups, some held in my home and am rarely alone. When I am, I am never lonely but something hits me if I am invited to parties where there are lots of couples. The last one I went to I was grabbed by two couples and we danced as a 5!
There are times when I feel a pang of sadness. On Sunday we were belting out “How great Thou Art” in church and for one moment I could hear my darling belting it out as he used to, his favourite hymn, and when singing the last verse I had tears rolling down my face (whoops they’ve come again). Only for a brief moment though. It was the last hymn and soon after I was drinking coffee and laughing with friends, followed by a birthday celebration BBQ with my brother’s family (in the U.K. where we nearly froze to death).
I’ve gone on too long, woodcarving this morning so must get dressed, going away to my son’s tomorrow for a few days and to Holland next week to Amsterdam and the bulb fields. As I said I make the most of every day.
I know I am better off than many as at the moment have no health issues, mental or physical and thank God that so far I have never suffered from depression. I really feel for those who don’t feel they can enjoy life now they are free from PSP and am grateful and thank God for every day I can.
You are so wise. I want to be like you when I grow up.
Blessings,
Bobby
Ann, what an excellent idea & perfect timing.
I deal with my grief by being active & interacting with family, understanding friends, loyal pets and plants. Baking cookies & sharing them with family & friends always turns tears into smiles & makes the house smell yummy.
Recently l read about Shinn Yoku... the Japanese Art of Forest Bathing and decided to find out more. I have always been a tree hugger. I have designated my Russian Olive Tree as the centerpiece of my afternoon Tea Time. Meditation helps keep me going. Sending Hugs... Granni B
My tip: just because your loved one died on your watch, doesn’t mean you were responsible. As a carer, you can only do your best. Everyone on this site has done that, so there is no need for any guilt. It was a privelege to look after Steve and be there for him when he left this world. That thought has comforted me through many a dark moment.
Oh, and accept every invitation going, nothing helps at the beginning, but it is easier being in company, than on your own. One day you will actually enjoy going out again, but if you keep saying no, the invites could stop.
I’m not sure how I am handling the grief, even 18 months on.
Some days I can be quite jolly, others I’ll be in tears all over the place.
That’s the nature of the grief.
I had a very interesting situation last week in Berlin. I had entered the Berlin Half Marathon for the second time. Backdrop, I entered for the first time a couple of months before David died, and in the past we had been regular visitors to the city. When I entered I noticed that the course went close to one of our favourite places, and I jokingly said to David that they might alter the course and I could run past our spot.
Well, he died before I ran it, and I got round, and went back this year for a second go. Well, blow me if they hadn’t altered the course and I ended up running right through our spot. I wasn’t expecting this, and just dissolved on the spot. It was kind of weird trying to run a half marathon whilst in absolute pieces. Fortunately I had a very understanding member of my running club alongside me, who got it, and just stayed with me until I recovered and we got back to the running.
My point ? It’s surprising when and where it all catches up with you.
We all deal with the grief in different ways, some get to doing stuff, others sit and reminisce. I’ve been somewhere between the two depending on my mood. I regularly play certain favourite songs of mine which have lyrics that are now so, so poignant. Maybe it’s healthy and maybe it not, but it helps me remember....
I Identified strongly with your...."It's surprising when and where it all catches up with you...we all deal with grief in different ways."
Attending the two GRIEF groups (secular hospice and my church) that I did, I found helpful. I was the only mom who had lost an adult child, and still there was benefit for me.
I tend to be analytical, and so revisiting events, understanding the reasoning behind the decisions/actions helped me.
As you said Ratcliffe, there is NO CORRECT way to grieve....what works for some does not work for others. That said, I think it's good to share what worked for "US" for "me". I am still surprised when I'm visited by a "grief attack". They do come out of nowhere with no warning of the "trigger". May 4th will be the 2nd anniversary of the death of my son (barely 55 years of age). My sister who lives in Austin, Texas, is coming to visit.
I'm coming up to the date of the first anniversary that Ben died and intend to spend it alone with my thoughts, I am one like Derek (Ratcliffe) who has ups and downs leading a fairly busy life but also needing my own time and space. I am glad to see the Springtime arrive so that I can spend more time in the garden, my place for peace and solitude. Grief is a funny thing, sad but a necessary emotion that I feel I need to go along with, not to say that I don't get out and about to enjoy myself, just wish Ben was still here in good health able to enjoy the retirement we never had together. It seems that people who have strong religious beliefs find a lot of strength and solice from their faith, I do not have that to turn to so maybe that can make the grieving process more difficult or lonely, who knows!
Hi Kate, the lead up to any anniversary is always worse than the actual day. It will be the same as any other, good or bad, depending on which way the wind is blowing!
Anne, I am ever amazed at this site. I haven't been on in way too long but popped on now only to find you sharing something very helpful as you always do.
Michael has been gone for 11 months and I still need so much support. I've been through 2 series of Grief Share (a 13 wk study of how to move forward through grief), bereavement mtgs through hospice, counseling, and I am still a mess.
I appreciate all the tools I have used as above and each one helps. I also keep very busy. Not as social as NannaB unfortunately, but busy. I just bought a new home and will be selling this farm where we have always lived which is breaking my heart but I just can't maintain it.
After settling down around July, I hope to have more time for this site and others. I hope your coping with grief site continues. Thanks to everyone who continues to post.
I hope you can take a little plant or cutting from a tree... Or a rock?.. or something with you so you have a little piece of the home you and hubby loved together, with you. 😊🌿❤️
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... I keep checking in to this website, because although my journey is over, I know I will be accepted here, can communicate when I want, and can connect with an awesome group of caring people who "get it".... XXX Anne G.
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