Today ,in glorious sunshine , I drove past fields once rich Devon red after ploughing but now baked terracotta . Already the hint of yellow appearing as the rapeseed begins to make it's presence felt . Soon we will be surrounded by bright yellow fields with that all pervading slightly sweet scent . Banks of primroses vie with wild daffodils for space . White hawthorn blossom punctuates the hedgerows which are already clothed in soft fresh green .
On a low branch of a tree not yet showing any sign of leaf , sits a young buzzard gazing balefully at my intrusion as he waits for a thermal to soar high into the sky in search of a mate . Soon the air will be filled with the mewling cries of these magnificent birds as they wheel and call for their partners .
There should be Spring in my step but memories of yesterday's Springs flood back and although some are fond memories others are scarred indelibly on my mind by the awful illness we have all had to deal with as best we can .
Soon the first swallows and house martins will be swooping around the ancient barn near me and returning to their nests under the eaves of the village cottages . The cycle continues but for me there is something missing .
Written by
Georgepa
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Beautiful words George I can almost see the blossoms and hear the birds. But I can also feel the pain of your loss - this must be very hard. I hope the warmth of the sun can give you a little comfort.
Thank you for sharing - really enjoy reading your posts
Georgepa. Thank you for the lovely description of Devon spring. I know the sadness you feel, it does get better in time. You will always remember but the pain lessons. Take care, hugs Maddy x
How lovely to hear from you, Georgepa! I am immediately transported into Spring in the UK. Remember the hawthorn - and the carpet of yellow rapeseed flowers.
All bring back memories for me of my dad and me enjoying our wanderings along the Ridgeway and similar spots. He had a lovely book of Cotswold Walks (which I now have here in NZ ) and we took that with us. He explained that we have to follow walking instructions to the letter, as he had found that not doing so meant a deviation from the designed walk! He led me astray on a few too, with much laughter on the way!
Do hope your feelings of alone-ness ease with spring and summer, but I know what you mean, and how you feel.
It's good to read another of your lovely descriptions of the sounds and sights of your beautiful counyryside. I just pray your pain subsides as you remember the lovely memories shared. Sending love and a hug too. Nanny857
Always makes me smile, when I see you have posted and can't wait to read your wonderful writing. It cheers us all up.
George, there is always going to be a hole in our lives. I think the trick is try and fill it with all the good memories, wherever they came from! And all the beautiful flowers and scenes of beautiful Devon. Mine is slowly filling with memories of South Africa and all the other wonderful places we visited. Plus lots of Polyfiller, of course it cracks and becomes overwhelming, that's where friend and family come in, to help you clear up the fallout.
Hi Georgepa, I am always drawn to your posts, so beautifully capturing the sights and sounds of the wonderful Devon countryside but i found this post so haughtingly sad and couldn't get it out of my mind whilst mowing the lawn earlier. I guess it just brought back memories of some of the wonderful holidays R and I shared in the West Country. We had a real love for North Devon and spent our honeymoon in a dear little cottage in the village of Georgeham. I do so understand that whilst you are surrounded by such beauty, which you are so eloquently able to put into words, there is something missing, something that cannot be replaced and there are no words of comfort to offer. It's a road that we all have to travel when we lose the love of our lives and those who are not in our situation just don't get it, and the reality is, why would they? I have ceased to get upset now when friends who mean well say silly things that are supposed to be comforting and indeed, once the funeral is over we are supposed to be OK!
I wanted to ask you whether you ever got a dog? I know you were thinking about it but your Millie rules the roost (I remember Millie as my cat is also Millie - also rules the roost)! I often house sit at my daughters as she has a cat and a dog and I find walking Barney so therapeutic. He is such a sociable lad and not fussed whether you have 2 legs or 4 legs, when he is out and about he befriends everyone and in turn I have had some great conversations with other dog owners. I walk him on Epsom Downs, beautiful spot, and never short of someone to natter with; dog owners are the friendliest of people. I must admit I am very drawn to getting a dog once Millie has gone, she's nearly 16 so I have to face the fact that not too many years left in her. Meantime, apart from sitting Barney when needs be, I also walk a neighbours dog if she has to be out for longer than she likes to leave him. They really are great socialisers - maybe worth thinking about again, Georgepa? We will never fill that void in our lives but canine companions really do bring something into the mix. Best wishes, Hils.
No I didn’t get a dog , Millie has made it quite plain that dogs would not be welcome . In fact she has become increasingly possessive over the last couple of years .Where ever I go in the house or garden she is two steps behind . Glares at me a lot as well !
Strangely though my daughter is just about to get a puppy , and believe it or not its chosen name is Barney . On top of that my old stamping ground is Epsom Downs . Many years ago I was a pupil at Epsom College for my sins . We used to be sent running in all weathers over the downs , I think it would be described as child abuse now . One thing for sure is that it put me off running for ever .
Anyway at some point Millie and Barney will be introduced as I too intend to dogsit when the opportunity arises .
I been walking round the house making odd barking noises in the vain hope that Millie will come round , but so far I think all that has happened is that my neighbours are looking to have me sectioned !
You have a lovely sense of humour, Georgepa, your response really tickled me. Beware, though, the glares from Millie are telling you she has read your mind and she knows your intentions regarding trying to socialise her with your daughter's puppy. She is not impressed and is already hatching a cunning plan.
Such a small world isn't it. Epsom College is still there and I can only imagine how hellish it would have been running on the Downs in all weathers. It can be quite bleak up there, especially when swathed in fog, not to mention the ability of the wind to suck the breath right out of you, but on a sunny day the views are spectacular and it really is such a lovely place to walk.
Well, I have a feeling you are going to have a fab new buddy when Barney becomes a family member - enjoy him when you can but watch out for a planned ambush from the very unimpressed Mille.
Hi George. Here in Morocco with Bev and can't pretend that I don't keep thinking' I wish I was sharing this with Ben and not a group of 30 strangers ( all but dear Bev ) Trying my best to enjoy the trip and have seen some wonderful things but missing him terribly. I'm know that I will have fond memories of Morocco but it's just not the same as sharing with your lifelong partner. Take care dear man and we look forward to the summer update on the lanes of Devon.
Hi Kate, I hope you are talking about how you feel to the others in the group. There will be lots feeling just like you and will be only too glad to share the odd tear or two, washed down with a nice glass of something cold!
You are doing well Kate , full of admiration for you .Just at the moment getting out of the house is about enough for me . The double whammy has knocked me sideways but as they say the only way is up , so up it has to be .
So good to read a post from you again, George and I really enjoyed your words about the Spring in Devon and am so sorry about the sadness of missing your partner as memories of other shared Springs come to the fore. As the one suffering with PSP, I have tried very hard to understand how my husband will cope if I die first: he has done his best to assure me that he will cope, but your post makes me less certain. I have probably been naive in accepting his assurancies, too willing, perhaps, to believe that the relief of no longer having to worry about me - if anything, he is overprotective - and take on so many tasks that I now struggle with will give him the freedom too enjoy his own life. Who knows?
Dear Patienan , you mustn’t worry you have enough to cope with . When my wife died it was awful and the grieving process was horrible . After a year or so I was lucky enough to meet a very nice lady also widowed , in my village. We were a great comfort to each other and I felt life could go on . Unfortunately she suffered a huge brain haemorrhage and died a few weeks ago . So I am now grieving two lovely people and am at a loss as to what happens to me now . But humans are resilient in the face of all that life can throw at us . Enjoy as much time as possible with your husband and you will give him wonderful memories and the courage to go forward on whatever course life throws up for him .
Thanks Jean , I won’t pretend it hasn’t been a bit of a rough ride . After Veronica’s death I didn’t expect and wasn’t looking for happiness . It just happened and was truly lovely . It was perhaps all a bit too soon but then with the illness I had been mourning the loss of Veronica quite a long time before she died because of the way the illness took her . In a funny kind of way I was prepared for her death even though you can’t really be prepared if that makes any sense . With my new friend it was totally out of the blue , quite unexpected . I feel as though someone slapped me hard on one side of the face two years ago and then came back this year and said we forgot to do the other side so have another one just for good measure .
That sounds terribly self pitying and it is . I just feel so sad for my new friend who had also been suffering from bereavement and was not happy but when we met found a new unexpected happiness it felt right and then it was so cruelly snatched away . But then nobody would say life was fair would they .
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