So many new names appearing every time I check in on you all, but still many familiar from many months ago. It is a year yesterday since my my darling man decided enough was enough. The whole family have such lovely memories of that time in our local hospice, laughter,tears, memories and surrounded by love.
So a year on , he who says time heals , he lies, you just function on a different level. I still cry everyday , yearn for his touch , the notion that you feel relief after caring for a loved one with this vile illness i argue is one we tell ourselves to cope with the inevitabable.
Those who remember me will know i try to give positive vibes, and the year has been that.
Our grandson continues to lighten our days, and the things he says and gets up to means Rog visits us every day! I have been so lucky in the love and support surrounding me, testament to the good man he was. My life is now filled with things i want to do, stewarding at our local theatres, enjoying the rock music we loved for free! Walking when and where , just returned from a month in aus and singapore, cruising the carribean with a girlfriend in march, U3A and singing and performing with Rock Choir. I have voowed all monies will be spent and just the house left , the family are actively supporting me in that!
A year ago whilst staying with Rog I heard the choir singing in the hospice, I vowed i would be there the next year singing and i was, ok girls either side holding my hand but belting out the tunes!,
For those still caring my love and best wishes to you, we all did and are still doing the most amazing job, against all the crap the system throws at you. Hold those around you tight.
My nephew decided that a bit of uncle rog should go into the Indian Ocean as it was his favourite place so on a sunny Dec day thats what we did.
Julie x
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Julieandrog
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Such a lovely post, George list his fight with Psp in October, didn’t realise it would be so hard, feel like a part of me went with him. So happy you did your cruise seems like you had a good time. I was wondering about you the other day, you have a very supportive family, like me and I thank god for that ever day. Sending you a big hug, and I hope you have a lovely Christmas. Yvonne x
Hi Julie, I’m so pleased you are filling your time doing good things. Two years on, I still have a tear in my eyes at some point most days, usually in the shower first thing in the morning but now I’m not wracked with grief, just a bit sad when I think of what might have been. Keeping busy, spending time with friends and enjoying life makes it easier though as I hope you have found.
It’s amazing you were able to sing at the hospice. Well done. I would have been a snivelling wreck.
I was talking to a friend who lost her husband to cancer on 28th December last year. We both realised that although we are spending time with family from before lunch on Christmas Day, we will both we waking up alone Christmas morning. A first for both of us. For the last 67 Christmases I’ve gone downstairs in my PJs in the morning and greeted family and the day has begun with hugs, laughter and sharing presents. This year we decided to have breakfast together before going to our families so I’m taking croissants to her before 9.30am. I’m going to church on Sunday morning and the carols by candlelight in the evening and maybe the midnight service but can’t yet face a Christmas morning celebration with memories of when all our family were together there, including my now gone parents and my darling greeted folk on the door. Many years ago an unmarried lady told me she couldn’t go to church on Christmas Day as it reminded her she had no family. She came to ours for lunch for many years. I have family but now understand what she meant.
I am fortunate in having family and friends like you Julie but it can still hurt can’t it.
I hope have a peaceful and joyful Christmas and a healthy, happy 2019 with lots of laughter.
Hi Julie, lovely to hear from you and know that you are still with us.
Glad to know that you are keeping yourself busy. I think it is the only way. I'm about to face the second anniversary on the 28th. I am off to Tenerife the day before. I need to have sun on my back, a glass of something cold and most of all, having fun. Steve wouldn't have wanted me to be doing anything else.
You are right, time doesn't heal, you just get use to the pain and learn to live with it. I find the lead up to these anniversary days are far worse than the actual day. December hasn't been brilliant, although the tears seem to flow that little bit easier now. Now the day as nearly got here, I am a lot better, looking forward to my birthday tomorrow and Christmas. It does help that I have a new man in my life, my grandson who is five months ago today and is arriving to stay tomorrow.
Keep up with the positive vibes. Roger will be very proud of you, looking down from his PSP free world.
Thanks Anne. Not sure that I know what I am doing, anymore than everyone else. Yesterday was fine. I always find it’s the build up that the worst. The actual day is the same as all the rest. You wake up, you get up and have to find a way of getting through. The fact that I was somewhere hot and even managed a swim in the sea, did make the day worth living. So starts to day!
You are right about other people saying time heals. It doesn’t and never will but we keep going. Six months for me today. Saddest Christmas ever but still joyful in some ways. Blessings
I will treasure another Christmas with Gene. Last Christmas he was able to walk into the bedroom and put himself to bed. What a difference in a years time. Day by day I knew there were changes but shocked when I think of it now. Sending hugs. Nancy
Dear Julie, He who says time heals does not lie. You certainly function on a different level with a hole inside you that will never be filled but one day you will find that happy, gentle memories will gradually replace the tears and start to fill the hole so it is not as deep. I wrote this poem after my first husband died aged 55. I feel that the husband I am now married to is dying before my eyes with CBD but I am sure that when his end comes I will not feel relief any more than I did over 25 years ago because this time my whole life over the last 4 years has revolved around caring for him so I will be even more lost, but I do know that the intolerable pain will ease off eventually.
Congratulations on all that you are doing. Enjoy it with those who love you and grab those hands that are there to support you.
Its a year for me too. I am also doing all the things we should but its not easy. I miss his companionship more and more as time brings more memories of the things we shared, rather than me being his carer.
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