Last night my stepson (adult, 38, lives with us, learning disabled, lost his job of 20 plus years because of his temper) had a temper tantrum, ranting about how he wanted to start 2019 with a job. He went too far when he said he was tired of looking after his father (when I go to work he gives Dad his pills and maybe a meal--not that Ger is eating more than 2 tbsp of applesauce lately). So I shouted back at him.
I consider each day that I look after my darling husband to be a precious gift. However, after looking after my stepson for 36 years, I am ready to turn my attention full time to Ger. I know that there is not enough of me to spread around to my two sons, but I can make it up to them later. My husband won't be around later, all we have is the here and now.
I am so angry and upset that I thought maybe a little venting would help. Thanks for listening!
Written by
greelycat
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I am so sorry. Not the way you wanted to start the New Year. Can you talk to him now that he has calmed down? I hope so as you need all the help you can get? Maybe caring for his Dad is becoming too much for him? That happens to most somewhere along the way.
You are free to vent whenever you want to as you know. I hope it has helped.
I am so sorry for this added stress. Perhaps you can share with your 2 sons that you are seriously considering giving more time, if not all, to your husband as you do not know how much time ahead he has. It is not an easy decision for you, and you wanted them to be aware of the decision, and the difficulty in making it.
It must be difficult to be in your situation....a husband with PSP and a stepson who is learning disabled.
Keeping you in my prayers.
Los Angeles, CA, USA
Tempers flare up when stress is high... it is a fact.
We are human and it happens.
Believe me l have been there.
There are no easy answers...
Sometimes we can be understanding and othertimes we cannot.
We get tired & worn out...
Holidays are a stressfilled time...
Tomorrow is Jan. 2 and the holidays will be over... let's hope another job will surface for your stepson soon.
Hope your fences will mend sooner than later.
There is a reason l bake cookies & throw axes...
Sending you Hugs & Vertual Chocolate Kiss Cookies... Granni B
I feel for you Greelycat....it sounds like the stepson is not, perhaps, your average cup of tea and has some personality problems. It is unfair that you have this much to cope with. One seriously ill hubby is quite enough, isn't it? But for what it's worth, I totally agree with your perspective. Your hubby is your priority - even over your own son (and the stepson). Children are supposed to be raised and then "launched" (..or supposed to be...'broken-wing birds' like the stepson notwithstanding..) while your husband remains your priority relationship for your mutual lives. Stay strong - you've got it right. I wish you good luck in 2019.
What a tough situation, I do feel for you and it's not surprising you had a momentary lapse, none of us are saints, don't beat yourself up about it, it happens and we move on.
Difficult to offer advice when don't know how the learning disabilities effect your stepson. Are you able to reason with him? Is there any support you can get for him? Are there day centres, charities that offer activities/support, could he do voluntary work, whilst looking for a new job, to give him some sense of worth. Can your other son help with him. If he is more occupied and settled, that would then free you up to concentrate on your husband.
I know it's easy to make suggestions but when you are in the middle of the situation trying to find the time & energy to put something into place is another matter.
As suggested, can you get any assistance with your step son? My daughter has Asperger's and processes emotions so differently from me, I can never guess how something will affect her. As you mention that your step son is learning disabled, he may be struggling with how he should feel about his dad, maybe making him appear more angry/grumpy than normal.
However as he is an adult and obviously reasonably capable, having held down a job for some years, I do feel he can be given minimal assistance. Your husband needs you most now, as you say time is precious. Look after his needs first and try to concentrate when with him, leaving any other issues to be dealt with at some other time. Julie
Thanks to everyone for the support and kind thoughts. My stepson does have a worker to help him (until Apr when Mr. Ford's cuts lose him his job (Ford is Ontario's version of Trump). Once he got this worker I told him that I was no longer going to spend my time helping him out. I had taken time off work to take him to counselling. He went to one session and wanted no part. I persuaded him to try two more sessions, taking time off again to help him with the buses and the last time giving him the clear directions on paper. He still won't go---he prefers to tell me his troubles. Anyways, I have given up on him because I just can't forgive him for making his Dad feel so awful. I have asked his case worker to see if she can take him out of the house for a few days.
Speech language is coming this morning 7 a.m. to follow up on Gerry's swallowing which has gotten way worse since coming home, though he is drinking more now and eating small amounts. He doesn't want a feeding tube, and he only weighs 85 pounds, so if he doesn't eat there is not much I can do for him.
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