Coughing / Public / Judgement: So, I try to... - PSP Association

PSP Association
6,925 members9,452 posts

Coughing / Public / Judgement


So, I try to stay positive on the daily - looking for the good in every situation ... oh, but I’m so very human! (rant warning, because you folks are the only ones that really understand)

I like to take my Momma out for a special dinner once in a while (because we still can) ... and I usually find a place that we can sit by a fireplace (she loves that) ...

Last night was our night, by a fireplace, Italian cuisine, all with a tall glass of milk (after she ordered a glass a water with lemon). We have recently switched to milk with meals (coughing). So her water comes, and I remind her that she needs to be careful —- so it begins... she starts coughing ... and coughing ... and coughing (no food yet) ... just water. And a woman behind me says, is she okay ... I kindly respond yes she’s ok. I can hear this woman behind me being critical, that I’m just sitting there watching her choke ....

As long as she has air ... it will pass ... I have to be patient (and remove the water from the table) ... oh so now her husband stands up and says to me , can I help somehow? I proceed to say, it’s ok it will pass in a moment ... he looked over his glasses at me ... cross and obviously was judging what appeared to be my lack of support. Arrrrggg!

The milk arrived, no more coughing ... she absolutely enjoyed her Alfredo with roasted chicken, and asked for dessert Chocolate cake (which she enjoyed as well) —- no coughing for the rest of the meal!!!

I sat at dinner, reminding myself that people just don’t understand. I suppose the immediate desire to “help” is admirable, but I struggle with “judgement” ... still processing, thanks for listening. (Now for a glass of wine)

6 Replies

The judgement from others who have no idea, just an assumption, she is choking is hard. It may be time to stop drinking water while out OR take some thickener along, afterall water is the thinnest liquid and easiest to choke on.


Oh, people dont like to be disturbed do they??

Good for you, doing the best for your mum wherever you are 😁

Larry’s cousin Diane was at a recent family event with her husband’s family. She was sitting next to his sister who started to choke on something. Having been around Larry enough when he is choking and knowing it would pass she didn’t say anything. As the choking went on other people around the room started to look at her with a do something look on their faces. She said she is so use to someone choking it didn’t occur to her to ask if her sister-in-law was OK. She asked if She was OK. She was.

I'll raise a glass to that. I have to use thickener in my water... I know the feeling of coughing and choking all too well. Most people mean well and show a genuine concern. If they took the time to ask if there was something they could do, I would say yes. Yes, and use the situation as a teachable moment to raise PSP awareness... just a thought.


We still eat out occasionally though it is getting harder earlier this year my husband was coughing ++ whilst eating so I had moved his plate got a tissue and just sitting with him reassuring him quietly he settled and carried on eating but inevitably it was one of those days!!So of course this was repeated after the 2nd coughing episode the family in next door table moved I didn’t really notice until the waiter kindly explained they were being put of their meal and waiter gently asked if we wanted to bag our food!!!

We didn’t risk a dessert !!

Love Tippy

Yes, feel for you, but am glad your mum got to enjoy her meal, by a fireplace. I am sure she looks forward to these special occasions.

Reminds me of ourselves last year. Hubby wanted to travel but it was difficult to fly in his condition, so decided to bring him on a cruise. At the casual dining room, he started coughing/choking, which happens, as we know. Guess what - the occupants at the neighbouring table kept staring at us, like he has an infectious disease, then finally up and left their table, and moved elsewhere. I don’t fault them though. We then decided to have most of our meals by the poolside, alfresco style. Much better, and the coughing doesn’t get magnified.

It would have been difficult for hubby to travel by plane, as he goes into a coughing fit from time to time. Sigh.

You may also like...