Hi everyone. It is now 1 year today since Les lost his battle with PSP.
I struggle so much and still have emotional meltdowns. It's not getting easier even though I try to tell myself it will. I still feel lost without him. We were together 43 years and married for 41.1/2 of those. I miss him so much. I would love to see him just 1 more time - pre PSP and tell him I love him and miss him.
His struggle was a tough one as it is for all PSP sufferers, he fought hard to stay but it was a battle he couldn't win. 2 days before he died he must have used any strength he had, I was staying in the hospital with him and sleeping beside him. As I tried to settle beside him he suddenly grabbed my head and pulled me to his chest, that hug will always stay with me. He must have sourced all remaining energy he had but he knew he wasn't going to get better.
I still haven't been to the cemetery as I hate to think of him under all that soil. Today I am going to make myself go just to let others know I still care (although I shouldn't need to). I talk to Les every day as I try to carry on. It is going to be a tough day.
The world is still turning but I want to get off as I can't keep up with it.
I keep telling myself Les is only a whisper away and knows what is happening even though he isn't with me physically.
Sorry to rant. I haven't written anything on here for ages but I have been looking each day.
I am sending love and hugs to everyone who is in this forum. You have all helped me to keep going from when Les was initially diagnosed right to the very end.
This photograph was taken in December 2015 at a Christmas lunch. We had only 1 Christmas after in 2016 as he passed just before Christmas 2017.
Love and hugs