SHOULD I PUT MYSELF I A HOME

[steph-02]

My wife says yes and I say no. Her main reason is that of safty Because i am falling over more frequently she is scared that every time she leaves me alone she will come back to a disaster. my reasoing is beside he fact that i woud hate it , I don't think that I would be any safer in a home. and the cost would be crippling. Because I am in charge iof all the house finaces I know that we could not afford it and in a few months all our savings would be gone. meanwhile she went to the doctors who prescibed her some anti-anxitiy pills i just dont know what to do.

[Hidden]

If you are in the USA your resources would be drained very quickly.

I do understand your wife’s concern about leaving you alone if you decide to take risks when she isn’t around. Have you done physical therapy for movement problems? Use a rollator to help support yourself?

[jmoffat]

Hi Steph

I was starting to fall over a lot

i got my GP (via a booked phone call to GP) to refer me to an NHS specialist physiotherapist at local hospital

she gave me a zimmer frame for indoors and i bought from amazon a 4 wheel rollator--like a zimmer frame with all wheels and brakes--cost about 40 pounds ex VAT

Snce then -- NO FALLS

Result!!!

hope this helps

[Pavaga]

Hi Steph, If your budget allows it, I recommend you, to find a nurse or someone who can be with you for some hours twice a week and let your wife have those hours as caregiver spare time. We need it 😅. Kindly, Patty

[Kevin_1]

Hi Steph

A crucial question - What country are you in please?

There a hugely experienced folk here from a number of countries. But, none of will reaslly know where to direct you without knowing what country... Each country has different care systems.

Having said that: Generally residential care is the last option. There is so much that could be put in place in terms of home support and handrails and such which can keep you ate home.

Please come back with a little more detail if you can and the country you are in.

Agreeing with others here. You need to get some sort of community nurse, or Occupational Therapist to visit and to guide and advise you both.

Warmly

Kevin

[raincitygirl in reply to Kevin_1]

Southern US if I recall correctly...

[steph-02 in reply to Kevin_1]

I am in tthe UK

[Kevin_1 in reply to steph-02]

Hi Steph

That makes it easy.

Do you have a community matron involved?

If not ask the GP for a referral. Tell them the situation.

There is most likely more support for you, if you want that.

At the very least it will lead to some adaptions to help you manage better.

We found that if we sat quietly and did not ask then little support was offered.

Best to you

Kevin

[aliciamq in reply to Kevin_1]

We don't know what zimmers are in the states🙂

[raincitygirl]

Hi Steph,

Here's my take on it:

So what if you fall? (Really, ask yourself that question) Will your life be a lot worse? Or will you just suffer more (lying on the floor in pain, waiting for your wife to come home) but.. maybe that's better than being in the restricted life of a home. My hubby andI talked about this: he didn't want Assisted Living, didn't want a wheelchair, and I said "there will be a price to pay for both of us - can we live with the risks of you at home?" The answer was yes and I am forever grateful that he stayed here! (And we used all the zimmers and rollators we could)

Also, if your finances won't handle residential care, that sounds like a bad option.

Is it time to start bringing your wife into the financial picture? She may need to take over some day....

Anne G.

[AJK2001]

Just because you are in a home it doesn't make you safe. My Mum had to go into a home to recuperate from a heart attack & hospital acquired broken humerus (they didn't think it necessary to put the bed sides up & she rolled out from quite a height). Once the arm was mended enough & she could start to weight bare on it she started to get up & she started to fall, including ones bad enough for trips to A&E. My argument for getting her back in her apartment (where at least she has some control over her life) was she was no safer in "the home" than she was in her home, something the staff & social services all agreed with and she has now been back in her home for 15 months now and has definitely been happier. She may have to go into a home at some point, but she's not there yet & it's not something to rush into. Is there some support group or councilling your wife could join that might help her talk through her concerns/fears? It could be she just feels completely overwhelmed by the situation. Are there charities that would offer a sitting/companion service for you to give your wife a break without worry - Red Cross, Age Concern, Independent Age in the UK all do this type of thing.

[Ettavb in reply to AJK2001]

Agreed on the safety issues still present at a facility. Mom broke her ankle from a fall - with an aide present. Mom didn’t go into a facility until she was fully unable to walk at all, and not able to use both arms. She did fall at home many times - 3 times severely and two times with trips to ER. Mom has been at the facility now for nearly two years, but she wouldn’t have gone any sooner then absolutely necessary.

[Tippyleaf]

Dear Steph

Sounds like now is the time to get some help at home .

As others have suggested seeing a physio who will give you strengthening exercises and teach you and your wife how to get up after a fall. An occupational therapist can suggest where to make adaptations to your home e.g grab rails etc to help reduce the falls.

Your wife must be exhausted with worry so as others have suggested a friend or carer to sit with you whilst she goes out.

And the big one your wife needs to know all about finances so she can help you with this and understand limitations

There is still lots of life for you at home if you have proper support for you both - now is the time to get help to protect and support you both.

Love Tippy

[Bereaved2017]

Hi Steph. Count me as another vote that you stay home and are just AS, if not safer, there at home. My Dad was put in a rehab after a bad fall at home (it happens) but the rehab personnel took too long to help him to the bathroom the first night he was there. He got up alone and he fell again there, too. Once he was falling often, we made sure he had someone with him at all times to help him get from point a to point b without falling. Do you have grown kids who could help your wife or other family? I just said a prayer for you. Please be careful with yourself. Go slow, it's OK to take your sweet time!!!!!

[steph-02]

Thanks evertone for all the advice, I actauallt goo to a day centre twice a week not happpy there its full of old poeple mainly with Aldhiemers but they mollycuuddle me so i don;t fall, I ialso have sitter who comes in on Satuday for 4 hours tHE occupational therepist has bn aroud the house and made a few adjustments. So you see we not without help

[doglington in reply to steph-02]

Chris went to a day group at the local hospice. Most were younger than him and they were very supportive.

xx

[Kevin_1 in reply to steph-02]

Great news Steph

Is the sitter paid for by Social Services of the NHS?

The reason I mention it is that the NHS is not means tested and because as your needs increase both of those services need to reviewed and the services increased.

Services increase to cover changing need and to mitigate changing risk.

A community matron guiding your care is a great thing. If or when you need that just ask your GP for a referral to one.

Best to you

Kevin

[Motts]

Hi Steph - You have been given a lot of great information from everyone on this subject. My heart goes out to you and your wife during this difficult time.

She is right to worry about your safety (I did too when I was the care giver). I am no longer the care giver but my husband is starting to assume the role of care giver and I will begrudging wear the hat of the patient. You have helped me realize that I must be more careful for his sake as well as my own.

This is not an easy journey but thank goodness we have this great group of folks to help us along the path.

Sending Hugs to you and your wife - Granni B