As my father's daughter and as his carer, I feel so inadequate and believe me, I AM inadequate. I don't know what's best to help my Dad. For instance, he's never been one to talk about emotions and now, I'm leaning towards thinking he'd prefer if I didn't discuss anything emotional, such as saying he was the best Dad for me in the world. I've given him lots of greeting cards over the years that said as much, and I'd underline some passages but our relationship has always been loving without discussing the love. I don't want him to feel like I'm saying such things NOW because he's close to dying. I hope he's NOT close to dying, perhaps selfishly though.
Another part of me feels that I'm keeping him alive despite his having no quality of life anymore. His much younger wife was understandably very depressed and overburdened at the time I moved in with them a year ago to help out. She works full time and with that and helping my Dad, she was barely cooking or cleaning. When I moved in, soon thereafter, Daddy had a UTI which his wife OR the family doctor didn't detect but I did. I said he had a UTI even the very same day the family doctor said he didn't. The next day, Daddy was riding in the back of an ambulance with the UTI. I know he's been much better off since i've been here but am I keeping him alive when if he was in his right mind (the psp and a small stroke have given him slight dementia) is that what he'd want? I feel like he would NOT want to live this way but he never says he's ready to die or anything. He says very little about anything now. And it's not up to him or me when his time comes to an end.
THEN I turn around and go from feeling like I'm keeping him alive albeit barely, and if not for me he'd already be released from his suffering, to realizing I don't know the best ways to help him. Even trying to roll him from side to side in the bed is so hard for me and I try to make it easy on him but, I get so nervous that I'll hurt him, because he's getting more and more fragile.
His wife occasionally leaves for overnight because she ''needs a break,'' and I feel so nervous being alone to care for him. He has a carer 24/7 for the past year. There are 2 part timers and his wife and me. I don't work outside the home at this time. I don't know how those of you manage who do it all on your own. I think you're superheros!!!!! Anyway, can anyone relate to these weird conflicting feelings I'm having?