Dad’s funeral

[JR61]

We held Dad’s Funeral this Tuesday 19th December 2017, he had died on the 4th and he was 84.

Dad had been suffering badly the last few weeks, speech almost nonexistent and hardly able to swallow food, drink or medicines or walk unaided.

He died peacefully after seeing all his close relatives in his last 24 hours.

We organised the funeral and the wake along non-religious lines as he had never expressed any religious beliefs to us beforehand.

We chose a beautiful wicker coffin covered in fresh orchids and exotic flowers. We took comfort in placing many photos of all his relatives inside together with a few small items which held significance to us.

His one surviving brother and his son helped my brother and husband and his two grandsons to carry the coffin into the packed Crematorium chapel where brass band music filled the air (dad loved brass bands and we had Dvorak’s new world symphony to walk in to.) A civil celebrant had composed an amazing eulogy after spending a few hours with the family, prompting us and then sitting back and listening as we chattered away about dad. We heard Elgar’s ‘Nimrod’ for the reflection music and Rodrigo’s Concierto de Aranjuez to exit the Chapel. The celebrant had made us laugh and cry in equal measure with his moving tribute to my dad recounting a lifetime of stories. We emerged from the chapel in the dark and afterward met with the extended family at a wake in memory of dad. Everyone had found the service cathartic after the trauma of PSP and it was unique, just like dad.

We all miss him terribly but wouldn’t have wanted him to suffer for a moment longer.

Dad is now finally at peace and so are we, we have all done our best and this marvellous unusual Funeral was our parting gift to him and his memory. Now as a family we will move onwards into the future with our children, grandchildren and dad’s greatgrandson. JR61 x

[Satt2015]

A beautiful send off and I’m pleased your dear dad can now rest in peace x

[JR61 in reply to Satt2015]

Many thanks, after the horrors of PSP we all really needed to close dads time with us on a positive note and so we made one last massive effort, everyone agreed to a ‘family flowers only’ request and donations to PSPA instead in memory of dad so I will shortly be sending a cheque to help their research grant funds. Wishing you and yours a peaceful Christmas and 2018! JR61 x

[Zeberdee]

JR61 what a very special send off you gave your Dad who is now at peace. Jxx

[JR61 in reply to Zeberdee]

Thank you very much Zeberdee x

[easterncedar]

Oh, well done. That sounds more than perfect. Thank you for sharing that. Love and peace, ec

[JR61 in reply to easterncedar]

Thank you EC, love and peace to you too x

[Helen119]

Perfect

Love and hugs

Helen xxx

[JR61 in reply to Helen119]

Thank you, hugs and a peaceful Christmas and 2018 to you too. Love JR61 x

[Ratcliffe]

What a lovely sounding funeral, if such a thing can be lovely.

It sounds like you did your dad proud, well done.

Now it is your turn to take your foot off the pedal and rest!

[JR61 in reply to Ratcliffe]

Thank you for your kind words, it was strangely a very nice funeral, very comforting. I know what you mean we are going to try but suspect that we will find it difficult to adapt to the new pace of life post PSP, as I think others have found before us. Hope you have a Happy Christmas and peaceful 2018. JR61 x

[Spiralsparkle]

That sounds a wonderful celebration of his life.

It sounds like it has helped you by sending your Dad off in unique style.

Take care

[JR61 in reply to Spiralsparkle]

Thank you, you take care too. Best wishes to you and yours JR61 x

[doglington]

Well done.

Chris died in Oct, aged 84 and all you have written echoes my experience. We found the funeral and celebrant very comforting. All through it I kept thinking how he would have enjoyed it.

Once Christmas is over the difficult bit will resume.

love, Jean x

[JR61 in reply to doglington]

Thank you Jean, wishing you comfort and a peaceful Christmas Love Ruth x

[daddyt]

So very sorry for loss xx

[JR61]

Many thanks, my thoughts are with you too, take care of yourself. Ruth x

[Baileyboo]

I am sorry for your loss and take great comfort that the funeral service gave you such comfort. As you say he is now free of PSP in the same way my husband Les is.

We did the best we could regarding Les's wishes. It was a beautiful service and we did him proud. It was a humanist service and was very moving. Like you we also had laughter and tears.

I am writing this while in bed as I have the noro virus. I think the last weeks took it out of me. I would do exactly the same again. My daughter and are sitting on mine and dad's bed talking. The bed should be floating on the river of tears we have shed tonight. We, like so many on this site are feeling enormous pain. I loved him for 43 years and will continue to until we meet again.

It's good for you to have memories of a beautiful service.

Love and hugs to you and your family.

Pat x

[JR61 in reply to Baileyboo]

I feel desperately sad for you and your daughter Pat, I can feel the pain in your words. My mum and I are having the same experience, we are trying very hard to get through this with the help of our family. The grief is compounded by the many, many happy years we have all spent with our loved ones, before going on to care for them through the months or years they suffered from PSP. We all feel angry, robbed and cheated of theirs and our futures by something that has no face and cannot be beaten. A line from dad’s eulogy was, ‘here was a man who was truly loved and will be missed by all who knew him, until the very stars go out’. I believe that is true of your dear Les too. Les and my dad are now free of PSP I feel that we must find the strength to go forward into the future, my dad and Les are still with us, everyday, through our children and grandchildren, I hope you both find strength to help each other through this raw grief that you are experiencing in these early days and I hope that you get well soon and manage to have a peaceful Christmas together as a family. Thinking of you both. Love Ruth xx

[Baileyboo in reply to JR61]

Thank you Ruth

It's certainly a tough journey. We both have to try to remain strong and try to gain comfort from your dad and Les not fighting a pointless battle. A cruel vile disease.

I feel guilty that I am still able to laugh about silly things. Lea wouldn't want me to. I told him he would just be a whisper away and he will be with us during this tough time but I just feel lost. Half of me has gone and I am no longer part of a couple. Your mum must feel this and it's horrid.

Like you I have close family a son, daughter and daughter-in-law. I also have 5 grandchildren. The middle grandchild asked her teacher if she could write a Christmas card to grandpa. It read "to grandpa, merry Christmas, I wish you were still here, lots of love from Lakota xx". It was heart breaking realising she understands more than she has let on.

I wish you, your mum and family a very good Christmas and will be thinking of you all.

Love and hugs

Pat x