MY SPECIAL SPECIAL Dad .

Hello.

As recently posted I've just had a big operation so for sometime now can not see my Dad .

I thought for sometime before I was going to have this operation it gives me very good chance not to see Dad and get some throughly good rest as im so selfishly depressed as terribly through some devastating circumstances he's been so going through i could have a little break for some weeks as so not to see him as can not get him out my head if that makes any sense at all and before my op I tried to see him as much as possible however now I try to ring the care home every day when I'm feeling not tired and a little unwell and trying also to know a good time to ring which is not easy as i don't want to be a bother /pain !!!!

But now just want to see him and give him some love go and watch the entertainment on a Friday afternoon just to be with him for comfort and it really really cheered him up his face so lit up when he saw me and my daughter as did ours too and we really had a good giggle at some of the songs and made some requests and had a joke in the nicest possible way about getting old and the care home .

When I asked my dad again about the next entertainment he said he weren't bothered however if we were with him again yes it would all be very nice and we could all comfort each other as really truly honestly it was and is sooooo depressing even though we made the most of it and the care home is doing a nice thing . No carers sat and joined us all and I thought that would of made it just a little nicer hopefully they do when we are not there for all the poorly people there bless them !!! And I know probably a little entertainment there would give the carers a little break too may be .

Just now I feel even though I so need to heal and look after myself as so to heal and work towards caring and enjoy my family to its full at home and do all my mummy /wifey stuff as I'm very busy and contentious to be my very best at everything and our children are truly incredible in everyway my dad has always been super super proud of his beautiful granddaughters and they've enriched his world and ours too!!!! Lucky lucky lucky I and we hold on too .xxxx

I just wish and want to be with him as much as possible and comfort him and just be there even if it's half and hour to an hour he's only 30 - 45 mins ish my (driving )away from me and his days are numbered and precious he soooooo special to me i want to be there as much as possible and for sometime now it will be impossible feel guilty and so sad and just oh I don't know lost for words.

I am busy with family life even at home just organising family stuff continually etc etc .

I listen to music every day all sorts and so much music all sorts I think about my dad .And even though I wish him peace so much I will and know I wish I could be with him just even afew more minutes JUST TO BE WITH HIM !!!

And my eldest daughter wants to see him and my youngest dearly loves him to pieces but doesn't want to see him as she feels so sad and gets very very upset about him and I know my Dad would be over the moon to see her .I'm want to keep every one happy but it's truly impossible and I just want to wrap dad up and take him home with me till the moment he passes and leaves this earth bless him peacefully . IMPOSSIBLE! !!!!!

I'm am carrying on and I'm laugh every day my husband and children make life magic and we laugh each day about really silly things and we looked at pics of me and my dad this week and made me feel happy and smile so much .oh I just feel truly awful about everything. I've only been in bed afew days as so must rest and it's just like oh my goodness can no wait to get up!!!! It's horrible and feel soooooo bad saying that !!!

Poor Dad he's been in a BLOODY Bed now for nearly a year not grumbled to me any way and just always says 'it is what it is'

Oh dear how very very very sad .

I wish for peace but as I feel I will and always will miss him so much to the day I die even though I have my gorgeous my world myou husband and 2 beautiful daughters xxxxx Hugs to all of you going through this world of true sadness we must hold on xxxx Miriam xxxxx

[Bargiepat]

Hi Miriam,

I read this and you have shown us how you feel and the love you have for your father and your family.........

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Patrick.

[Hidden in reply to Bargiepat]

Bless you thankyou for taking your time to read my post i do go on and on and on !!!!! i do drive myself up the wall with way too many thoughts on life the planet everything on it and my loved ones of course.

With warmest wishes to you Patrick xxx