Well it's been a while since I last posted , V was in the hospice a couple of weeks ago and stayed a week . We had a very difficult weekend with swallowing and no eating or drinking and our local hospice nurse got a bed organised very quickly . I have to say I thought we had reached the end of the road as did the staff in the hospice .They primed me for the inevitable and when V expressed a wish to go home they thought that was best for her but told me she was welcome back at any time if we were unable to cope with things .
V slept a lot in the hospice and ate next to nothing . She has lost a huge amount of weight which is only to be expected . We are not going down the peg route but it is hard oh so hard - all my instincts are to say try a spoonful of this or just another mouthful for me . But I have to resist and let things take their course . In the middle of last week she suddenly had a revival and her speech became coherent and her swallow improved a little and no -one could understand it although the hospice community nurse said it could happen but that she would not return to the same level as before. Since then eating has become negligible again and drinking very little .Basically she is surviving off her reserves which obviously can't last forever .It is all such a roller coaster as at one time I had psyched myself for the end and then it all changed but before you know it things have nosedived again and yesterday afternoon I sat with her as she lay in bed and thought that she would not last until the evening . Unable to talk , no fluids eyes rolling back in her head constant mumbling ,impossible to give her her medication with a syringe as it simply drooled out .Marie Curie nurse came in and sat with her through the night and I slept fitfully waiting to be called . Not a bit of it- vocal and stroppy today - managed some soup and chocolate mousse and is demanding to know who I am writing to ....... I know it's only a matter of time but it's mentally exhausting , I don't know if I am my arse or my elbow as the saying goes .