First day alone

First day alone

I have been so overwhelmed with company, I should consider myself lucky that my small family and even smaller 'circle friends' are so thoughtful. This has been my first day totally alone since 27th December, when I took my husband into hospital, never ever expecting that he wouldn't come home again, it was all so sudden.

I think I have cried more today than any day in almost a month

I wholeheartedly thank everyone for their support over the last year, nothing other than this site could have prepared me for what may ahead after diagnosis

I miss him sooooo much

Lots of Love

Debbie xxx

19 Replies

  • What a lovely photo Debbie. Of course you miss him and there will be moments everyday when you miss him but I found keeping busy, doing new things, going places even on my own sometimes and keeping in contact with family and friends without waiting for them to contact me first has made the missing him moments fewer. It still happens every day but for shorter periods and I'm crying less, sometimes just a tear. Sending you a big hug.



  • Lovely photo Debbie! I know these days alone are hard, but we do need to cry and I can only do that on my own. I have had a few days now. I do try and set myself one or two tasks, that I must do. Then I feel as if I have earned my time on the sofa, hiding under a blanket.

    Saturday's task was to buy my new car! So very excited, picking it up on Thursday. Nissan Juke, I have always wanted one, thought I deserved to have something I really wanted. Can't wait to get rid of the box on wheels, although I expect there will be a few more tears shed then.

    The inevitable has happened, gone down with a cold this weekend. First for a good 18months, if not longer. Funny how the body protects you from these bugs, whilst caring. Still I suppose I am mixing with a lot more people now.

    Lots of love


  • Oh dear ... You could have been writing about me! I have been feeling sad, hiding under a blanket, have bought a new Nissan, trying to get rid of the van AND had a week of suffering from the first bout of flu/cold I have had for years!

    Do hope things perk up for us all soon.


  • Well I suppose our lives have been so very similar, that how we cope with grief is going to be the same. I just part exchanged my box, couldn't be doing with trying to sell it!

    Lots of love


  • Sorry for your lose. Glad u bought a new car!

    After we lost my father in a tragic tractor accident, mom and I could bear the sight of his truck in the yard. It felt like he was home but wasn't. Had to use it, but didn't want to, even the smell inside brought back memories. Ended up trading it in to the local Chevy Dealer.

    Now mom has come down with PSP, moved her to a staged living with a nurse diagnosed with Parkinson's, lasted about a year. Then the local home health care providers couldn't handle her needs. For little over a year she has moved to the full care facility , peg installed a couple days before thanksgiving after loosing 20lbs in two weeks. Brought back the life as she was malnourished and dehydrated. It's a fight.

  • Dear Debbie, it was awfully sudden. I am sorry you have to deal with this terrible loss. What a lovely picture.. All I can say is that I am thinking of you, sending a hug. Love, Easterncedar

  • Lovely photo Debbie - very handsome! So sorry you have had a sad lonely day but good you have supportive friends and family. It does get a little easier as time goes on but still moments of sadness every day. It will take a long time I think.

    Vicki x

  • Lovely photo Debbie, happy you have support, sending you a big hug, I have also got another cold, feeling really rough. Debbie I have private messaged you, hope we can meet up xxxx Yvonne xxxx

  • I'm sorry for your lose, it helps to talk/post. Support is important. God bless you and your family.

  • What a lovely photo - a very handsome guy! You are not alone even though it feels like it - everyone is thinking about you.

    We are all on this horrible journey together - just at different stages and places and none of us want to be there. You will get through this tough time. X

  • Lovely photo Debbie you will be ok keep fighting x

  • Oh what a handsome photo, Debbie. Was that a recent photo? I was given a picture of B and his family and me the year he was diagnosed. I am shocked the changes in these last few years. I went out and got myself a burger today....haven't eaten since dads been sick and I was pretty hungry. I sat contemplating the aloness that was mine as I ate all by myself. But I forged on knowing that I was doing something good for me . And you too must forge along...cry when you must....find reasons to smile....and if there are no good reasons,,,,then go out and make some!..... its all too soon to say stop crying but like Heady and NannaB both are doing, find a one new thing each day and do it...Give yourself a hug....give soemone else one too

    And I am giving you a ((BIG HUG)) and a smile ;)


  • Great looking guy, sorry for your loss as you say the first days after our loss have been full of friends never giving time alone but today a new time starts for you. I expect you have an empty house no one expected so time for yourself, start planning things to day for future things put off during the caring.

    I am trying not to be too ambitious at first but doing something each day which makes me meet someone, even if only shopping. It is more difficult than I thought to get back up and living without my wife.

    Best wishes and hugs. Tim

  • Debbie much love to you darling, it's early days, take it easy and be kind to yourself x

  • Lovely photo, Debbie.

    Its still early days after such a shock.

    Lots of love and a big hug from Jean xx

  • Wonderful photo... the way you should remember him. Peace and prayers x

  • What a lovely looking man, Debbie, I am sure he is with you in spirit as well as in your heart.

    We are not at the final stage yet, although B has lost several lbs in weight, 4, since Christmas. I am sure that the advice you have been given is right as the advisors have been there and are still experiencing what you are.

    Sending love and a big hug. X

  • Oh Debbie

    I am so sorry.

    He looks a lovely guy.

    First come endings and then without loosing the thread that binds us to our past come the new beginnings we have to write for ourselves. In time. In time.

    Such a loss.

    I'm so sorry.



  • Debbie he looks such a nice man. I am sure he is looking down on you and worrying about you. No wonder you cry my friend. It's so heartbreaking.

    You are so very lucky to have friends and family though. I have lost friends since my husband got Leukaemia then went on to get PSP. Think they are afraid they will catch something!

    As for family I only have 2 children and 2 Grandchildren both if them not old enough to understand all of this. My children at work all week obviously so really nobody to turn to. It's very lonely and that's before he goes.

    Although not living together now is so very hard. Not easy is it? Hard before they go and hard after too.

    Marie x

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