FIRST NIGHT A NIGHTMARE

Hi All

So we placed my mother in law into her new home, it really is a great place and I got to spend the entire day with her. We were lucky enough to see a family friend there when we entered, his dad has been there for a few years with no complaints, I think that put her mind at ease a little.

We moved on to her room which we decorated with pictures and a few momentos from home. The day was filled with interviews with the entire staff, lunch and and more interviews and paper signing.

She rested for a bit on her bed, she is used to lying down all day watching her Italian TV shows but since the cable isn't connected she couldn't do that. Soon enough it was time for dinner, her table has 4 people 2 are bat crazy but so much fun to talk to, almost feels like we are talking to children with inocent minds, the other lady is sweet, we made immediate friends. My mother in law is anti social, she has never been one to strike up a conversation, she always says that I talk too much lol. So I did the majority of talking and letting everyone know that she has limited ability to speak but understands everything.

She had an anxiety attack as I forgot to bring her face towel to dinner, I told her to take a napkin as all she wanted to do was wipe the food off her face, she didn't take well to that but I have to make her realize that that is no reason to freak out. She has been treated with kid gloves for years now with people at her becon call, at times she will tell her caregivers that they have to do as they are told as they work for her...you see my mother in law was like that before the illness hit her. She worked for my husband and I after they closed down their store, she would tell them the same thing, that they had to listen to her and not me as she was the owners mother. I never understood that side of her, we have always been very close and talked but she always had her guard up I never felt she could express her full feelings and I dont kow why. I love her dearly and will do my best by her, I just never understood her.

Back to yesturday, after dinner her other son came to relieve us, he didnt plan on staying till late but he couldn't leave until she was in bed. As soon as he left all hell broke loose, she cried and got herself so riled up that she fell off the bed (they bring the bed down to the floor at night to prevent injury during falls) and knocked her head on the edge of the night table. After that they kept her on her chair at the nurses station I am going this morning after I get a few things done at work to see what thee situation is.

My question to everyone is this, she is on Zoloft 100mg and Trazadone 100mg with ZERO effect, I have told her specialist that she had adverse reactions to calming medicine and asked for something else, they calmly tell me that we have to wait and see what effect they have. Well honey, it has been 4 weeks since we upped the meds and nada. I dont want her drugged up BUT I want her to relax. HELP !!!

10 Replies

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  • When my husband gets agitated we give him lorazepam which calms him down. You sound like a wonderful daughter in law, would be very proud of you. Xxxxx

  • Thanks Yvonneand george, Ijust talked to the speicalist, they insist that her dose of Trazadone is very low, getting it increased today...Iw will ask the doctor on call tomorrow however, I would think that dealing with the elderly he would know what would work better I hope at least...I will suggest lorazepam though, thanks

    Thanks for the 'wonderful' I felt like an ogre yesturday today I feel a little ogerish

  • Sorry, I don't know anything about medication.

    My one comment though would be, sorry if this sounds harsh, but the staff are going to have to learn to how to calm your Mother in Law. She won't of been the first client to kick off on the first night. They should even know which drugs are the best to calm people down, without them becoming completely doped up. I know you feel responsible, but this is why these homes charges the big bucks, because they should know what to do.

    Everything about PSP is s##t, going into a nursing home, won't stop that, I am afraid.

    Sending big hug

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Hi Heady

    I completely agree with you, the specialists know the disease but I the front line people at the home will he able to navigate through the many medications and make a suggestion based on their experience.

    We know that the disease progression will not stop, this damn thing is like a locomotive on full speed, but I am aiming at making sure she gets a good nights sleep.

    She has one of her carers there for the day, and is still going through assesements, she is being put on thickner for her drinking water now too...Hoping that would not happen as she loves her water, it makes swallowing easier she thinks..

    I gave them a 2 page list of her likes, dislikes, past times, anxiety stress triggers and a complete discription of what CBD is...we understand that she is only 1 of many patients they care for but a better underdtanding of what this monster called CBD is the better care she will recieve...

    Here's to hoping for better days

    sending a big hug right back at you

    Paola

  • Oh my, that sounds awful; i wonder what the staff made of it? For what it is worth, my guy's wonderful GP says that adverse effects from antidepressants (like zoloft) will appear quickly, but positive effects generally take about 6 weeks.

  • Hey easterncedar, she has been on these meds for about 3 months in full force, after my email this morning to the specialist she raised the night dose to 150mg to start and in her words 'this is still a very low dose'....well I would like to giver her a day with my mother in law, she needs to sleep.

    I also realized that she is playing us, when I am there alone and tell her that I want dont want her laying down all day long watching tv she listens and we go for walks. As soon as her sons are there she cries bloody murder and insists she is put on the couch.

    She knows what she can get away with when I am around, I have never babied my children and I will not baby her, I will not let anyone have a pity party on my watch.

    I understand her pain and frustration and God bless her I dont even want to think about having such a thing like she has, but she is very demanding and knows how to play on people.

    She knows me and I know her, I know her limits and will not push them.

    f&^K CBD

  • Good for you. Like children they do act differently with other around. My dad gets mad at my mom and has her crying til someone has to calm them both down. The workers at the care home tell me he doesn't act like that when she's not there. They see that type of behavior all the time. Maybe her sons need to quietly come in the room after you've been there for awhile and observe how calm and understanding she is.

  • the staff was great, when I walked in today I was ready for it, but they took me aside and told me that this is their life, no one that comes in there comes because there are no complications. In her words she said "I got her" well, isn't that I say????

  • My wife is on Respideron ,supposed to calm her OCD But it sounds as though you have got your hands full .Perhaps her personality is stronger than her medication .

    Best of luck Georgepa

  • My dad gets Trazadone when he gets agitated and doesn't sleep but he's on a smaller dose than that and it knocks him out. They had been giving it to him every night and he was so drugged up he couldn't wake up and participate in anything. Sounds like they need to up the dosage or try other things. It will be an adjustment for her being in a care home. After being taken care of at home with everyone jumping when they need something then going to a care home where they are left alone and have to wait for someone to take care of them is very distressing for them and quite an adjustment they will try anything. Hopefully she'll calm down after a couple of days and realize that her family will be back frequently and that she is safe where she is.

    Hope things get better for her soon. Take care.

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