Guilty

Feeling really guilty, going away with my sister in law, on a cruise in May, my brother will come down and look after George, with careers, why do I feel so bad, feel like I am letting George down!!!!!

When she rung me and asked if I would like to go with her, I felt so excited 😊, but once she phoned me back and said it was booked, I felt terrible, called the children, they said mum you deserve to go, but have come to bed, I can't sleep because of the guilt I am feeling.

I know that George could not travel anymore, but it doesn't make it any easier. Love to you all Yvonne xxxxxx🛳🛳🛳🛳

46 Replies

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  • Your feelings are certainly understandable, but I am guessing George would say you should GO! A good rest, travel, special time with your family member....you deserve it! Please think positive thoughts about the trip--George will be well cared for, and you need some nurturing, too! Sending hugs!

    Ann

  • When you get home , you will tell George all the things you did and saw and create a visual journey that will be 2d only to actually going. You will have a renewed life to you that George will sense and also feel renewed. Feeling guilty and not going will not make George happy. You want to make George happy , right.... then you must go and collect a virtual vacation for him that he will love taking with you when you get back! You must start by not feeling guilty....

    AVB

  • I wrote before I saw your reply, Mrs. b. We are of one mind in this!

  • You know you shouldn't feel the least guilty, so I hope you will eventually let the guilt go. There's just no need for both you and your husband to be total prisoners of psp. You take your trip and have a wonderful time, and George will reap the benefit of having a happier, more cheerful, more rested wife. A win for him, too! Really. Love, Easterncedar

  • One only benefits by hearing the truth many times!

  • Why do we all deal with guilt? Go and come back refreshed. Be grateful that you have some help. Really, it will be good for the both of you. I'm happy and excited for you!

  • Dearest Yvonne, I know exactly how you feel! My son wants me to visit him in Aus in April - I have wracked my brain to find a way to do this (although its not that difficult to put things in place) but in the end I feel too guilty to leave my husband at home and I'm off to have a good time :-(

    Karen x

  • Yvonne, I am sure I don't need to tell you what I think!!!! But you are going to have to read it again.

    You getting a break is ESSENTIAL to George's care. He knows that and so do you.

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Heady, I received my PSP matters on Tuesday. What a lovely photo. I know we have seen it befor but the larger version is so much better. A good article inside as well.

    Lots of love to you and hoping you are OK.

    XxxX

  • Thanks NannaB. Although my dear sister pointed out, that I hadn't done my job very well that day, as he hadn't had a shave! Hey ho.

    Not doing too badly. Can't be bothered to do too much at the moment. Just finished doing the tax returns for last year, the paperwork is just left to file itself. But I know I need to rest and clear my head. Got appointments with the solicitor and financial guy tomorrow, once the money side is sorted, I can go and buy a new car and get rid of the box on wheels. Hopefully that will spur me on. That and my skiing trip in a couple of weeks!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • I just went and had another look at the photo. I had to take my glasses off and put the page 6 inches from my eye to see the whiskers.

    The paperwork seems endless doesn't it. I keep going back to the tax form for inheritance tax. There won't be any as it doesn't reach the threshold but because the house is tenants in common, I had to go through probate which means tax forms. I don't like paying someone to do something that can be done by me so I've been ploughing through, putting off, ploughing through etc etc. I've completed the form in pencil at the moment but just have to read it all through again, along with the 30 page book of instructions and do another one in black ball point pen. I hope your meeting goes OK and doesn't throw up any problems.

    I've just started to think about the house repairs. The wall lights in our lounge haven't worked for about 4 years when I had a new meter fitted. I didn't want the upheaval when C was sleeping down here so did without them. An electrician came yesterday and got them working but when I switched on my upstairs bathroom light last night, the mains switch tripped and I discovered the downstairs lights had all gone out as well. Nearly midnight, totally black and torch downstairs somewhere was not fun. Anyway I finally discovered that I can only have lights up or down, not both. The electrician is coming back in a minute. That's the first "job" in the house I've had fixed so far. I hope all the rest go better.

    Skiing, wow! The nearest I got to skiing was going down a small slope on one of those dustbin lid type things when we went to see our eldest son who was managing 12 ski chalets in Switzerland. He kept trying to get us on 🎿 but we were cowards. It's good to have something to look forward to isn't it.

    Take care.

    Lots of love

    Bev

    XxxX

  • Great to hear you are off skiing Heady lovely active holiday to keep your mind and body busy away from all of that tiresome paperwork. I can tell from your post that you are finding it difficult to get motivated but that is to be expected, made worse by having to deal with paperwork, cars and other things you have to do but don't necessarily want to do. Where are you going skiing? something I've never managed to get to do and don't fancy being a novice at my age.

    Love Kate xxx

  • Some where in France. As it my skiing prowess, I am top dog, had a five minute lesson from a friend in Dubai a few years ago. That should be fine at my age, shouldn't it?????.???..???.

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Heady you take care, be thinking of you xxxx

  • You too!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Go for it Heady, you are a braver soul than me, I used to be up for most things but much more cautious Rhee days I'm afraid to say! Xx

  • Sorry should read before I post that should read ' these days'

  • Or more stupid???

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • The jury is out on that one! xx

  • Thought it was designer stubble !!

    How brave to go skiing. I'd be fine with social bit but less so with cold !

    Enjoy it.

    love, Jean x

  • Yes, I am in practise for the Apre Ski. Got all my nieces and nephews to keep up with!!!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Great ! I envy you. Have a great time - you deserve it.

    Lots of love, Jean xx

  • Hear hear!! 👏

  • Go for it, love. You need it - oh how you need it - and when you return George will benefit from having a refreshed wife. Ditch the guilt. Focus on the cruise.

    Good luck, lots of love, Jean xx

  • Hi

    Have been away three times now you will obviously have mixed feelings, I realised how ridiculous I was being when I started to worry if they would put salt in his porridge!!!!! My wise beyond her years daughter said 'for gods sake mum dad will be fine'

    First time will be worst but really only because you will be constantly thinking how you would love him to be well and enjoy the trip with you.

    Take loads of pics, I have always found Rog a little more chatty for a few days after my return, doesn't last though!

    Enjoy enjoy enjoy

    Julie x

  • Oh Yvonne, what a chance this is to be you again for a little while. We all understand what you are going through. The guilt of leaving George for a while. But look at it this way, he is being well cared for and you are also having some TLC with your sister-in-law. You will come back refreshed and ready to do battle with this horrible disease. Bring back photos of your cruise to show to George and he will appreciate it. Please try to enjoy your well deserved cruise. You will have these memories to cheer you up on a bad day. Enjoy it. Hugs to both of you. Teeker💆👏👏

  • Please try not to feel guilty Yvonne, you need a good break just to carry on. I`m sure George will be well cared for, so try to relax and enjoy your holiday.

    xx

  • What a curse guilt is, not only for PSP carers but life in general. I am queen of guilt and know I have to get over it to save my sanity. Go and enjoy your cruise to the full, enjoy being waited on, seeing new places, chatting with people, seeing shows and all of the other things on offer. George is a lucky man to have a brother willing to take on the carers mantle along with his carers and not have to go into nursing home. You can then come back refreshed and ready to battle you on, leave guilt at home and enjoy yourself. By the way where are you off to?

    Love Kate Xxx

  • We are going to the Norwegian fjords should be lovely xxxxxx

  • I'm pleased for you that George has a brother who cares enough to take over from you. Why feel guilty when you have set up a good arrangement for him. You have needs too.

    Interesting choice of holiday.

    Jon and I are in Tasmania at the moment where our son works. The journey was not easy, Jon getting disoriented and very fearful of landing (because the pilot was ignoring the bad weather which was dangerous).

    However, we are going to attempt a cruise of the fjords this summer with his sister and her husband. She has been very helpful since his diagnosis and it has brought them closer. Perhaps the same will be true for your George.

    I hope you'll let us know how it goes, and maybe what it would be like for a PSP sufferer.

  • Please let us know what it's like and the places you visit we're going too in August so you can enlighten me where to go and what to see. Enjoy take loads of pictures and bring your memories back and share with George don't feel guilty you'll come back refreshed and ready to do battle again xx

  • Very jealous. xx

  • Come with us xxxxx

  • Don't tempt me! xx

  • Offers open xxxx

  • Much as I would love it I have to pay for respite for Ben that would be £1000 for a week and he hasn't been into respite yet, not quite at that point yet. Professionals are starting to encourage me to start thinking about it and advising me to look at the nursing homes in the area. I just keep putting it off as feel so bad about it, guess that's a normal reaction when you first start o take respite. Thanks for the offer though Yvonne I bet it will be great fun, something sadly lacking in all f our lives.

    K xxx

  • How exciting for you. You deserve to go. You've been working so devotedly to take care of him. This is your time and you should take it and create some great memories to share with him when you return. You shouldn't feel guilty you deserve some time away to relax knowing that he is in good hands. Enjoy it.

  • Thank you all for your kind words, I have been away a few times, but still feel quilty, oh well it is not for a long time yet, will get use to it. Heady enjoy your sking holiday, you also deserve it . Xxxxxx

  • Go and enjoy yourself. Caregivers need to bring their A game each and every day, you're no help to George if you're burned out. Take the respite... no regrets. I'm pretty sure the PSP will still be there when you get back.

  • Go, have fun and a well deserved break.

    I understand the guilt, after all I am Italian and Guilt is imbedded in our DNA, the cruise sounds lovely, you probably haven't spent much time with your sister in law, or anyone for that matter since George has been ill. So instead of loooking at it like your leaving George, look at it like your catching up with your sister in law and George is catching up with your brother.

    Hugs

    Paola

  • Aww Yvonne I appreciate this must be a difficult decision but I feel you simply must take up this opportunity! Harsh though it sounds, life goes on and you need to have 'some' life!

    My mum is hardly using the respite now for going out with me, she doesn't want to leave dad, I understand that, but equally, sorry, but I think in order to keep sane, we (carers) must get out!! Or stay in and go loopy loo? Nooooooo, Yvonne, get cruising my darling, you bloody well deserve the break!!!!! X

  • Thank you all much appreciated all your lovely comments xxxxxx

  • No! No! no! Yvonne! You must take happiness for yourself and enjoy life for a bit! It will enhance your understanding of what your life is meant to be and refresh your spirit. Guilt is nothing but a thing we put on ourselves because we believe we don't deserve pure happiness. Even though you are psychologically attached to another human being, remember in the scheme of things you are an individual, one being and one soul who travels through life affected by all that you come in cntact with, but yet alone. You MUST take care of YOU. Rose Anne

  • Actually it is my brother not George's xxxxx

  • Thank you all love you all 💕💕💕💕

  • Sorry adding my twopennyworth so late, guilt is a natural feeling for a carer but as Heady told me so many years ago forget it and go for the break it will do you good and provide memories to share which George if he is like M will enjoy.

    Best wishes Tim

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