After a long, difficult battle with this cruel disease, my husband, Bob, surrendered. He passed away on Christmas Eve, December 24 at 5:45 a.m., less than ten hours after his two children who live 2,000 miles away, arrived. He waited for them.
Before he lost his voice, we would often talk about fear of dying. He was afraid of pain and the unknown. He had no pain, and he was at peace when he passed. I am forever grateful. If there is such a thing as a beautiful death, he had one. With me and his children by his side, we gave him permission to leave. We were strong together, and we helped him on the final leg of his 76 year journey through life.
He was an exceptional artist, a brilliant advertising art director in his time, and a person who was never forgotten by those who knew him. He was unconventional and loved life. He suffered from anxiety and depression throughout his adult life, and PSP challenged both of us to the level of breaking, many times.
On the morning after he died, we went to the crematory to make arrangements. As we left the funeral home, our son broke down and fell apart, running out of the building, sobbing. His sister, his wife, and I ran after him and surrounded him with our arms and our love in the parking lot.
When we looked up, we couldn't believe our eyes. A beautiful bluebird was sitting on my car window, waiting for us to notice him. He stayed a long while, even when we approached him. He insisted that we acknowledge him and absorb the message he was bringing. When he finally flew off the car, he landed on a nearby handicapped parking sign where he lingered again, trying to be sure we saw him. His eyes were on us as if to say, "See me? Watch!!!"
And then he flew away.
My heart is broken, but I have hope because of the little bluebird who came to deliver a message.
Thank you all for your support, honesty and knowledge. I haven't been posting much throughout the years, but I have been consistently reading your posts and learning from you. Sometimes, your posts were all I had to hold onto. We are connected in a way which others who never walked this path could never understand.
Peace to us all.
Written by
horsegirl
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I'm so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking. I found a picture of a blue bird on the internet as I guessed it would be different in the US. What a beautiful bird. I believe our loved ones give us a sign they are OK. I didn't until my husband gave me one, so I am pleased you have been comforted by what you saw.
May you all continue to feel that peace during the next few difficult weeks and soon come to know a good life after PSP.
Thank you for the lovely, uplifting, loving post. Your husband sounds like a most marvelous man. I'm sorry for your loss, but I too am comforted by your bluebird. Love and peace, Easterncedar
horse girl a beautiful way to leave your family , with a message do not worry....infact it reminds me of a son Bob Marley used to sing;
"Woke up this morning, with the risin' sun
three little birds outside my doorstep
singing sweet songs of melodies pure and true
saying this is my message for you...
Don't worry about a thing
cuz every little thing's gonna be alright..."
Now horsegirl, these birds may not have been blue or maybe they were, but you sure can get a message from the bird on your window easing your pain. I pray that you and your family find comfort and peace and are assured in the things hereafter.
So sorry to hear about your loss, my sincere condolences. I hope you find some comfort from knowing that it was a peaceful death, something that we all wish for, for our loved ones. Xx
Another friend gone, I met last week at a support group a girl who lost her husband three months ago, I could not believe how amazingly well she looked compared to six months ago.
No comfort I know , but now look after yourself, the traumas you have endured will have taken its tol.
So sorry for your loss but what a beautiful passing if you can say that! Peaceful and with his family. I am a true believer that we are left a sign to say I'm free now and can fly with the angels the blue bird said exactly that. Time for you to be free from this awful psp take care of yourself xxx
Hi Horsegirl, I am so sorry for your loss. May Bob rest in peace, finally free from PSP.
Steve also timed his death for his children, only he died hours before they were both due to leave.
He died on the 28the Dec, just before dawn, when it started to get light, a huge Heron, landed on a tree, very close to the house. Sat there for a while, kept flapping his wings, in true majestic style, then flew off to a taller tree, again, spreading his wings, as if to say farewell. Then was gone.
Steve had a love/hate relationship with the Herons, they were always raiding his precious ponds of wild life, but he loved the majesty in them. We felt at the time, he came to take Steve's spirit up, up and away.
What a heartwarming post, I'm so pleased that your dad had a 'Good Death' a peaceful passing surrounded by people who love you. I think we are all scared of the process of dying but this post helps to alleviate that fear and let us know it can be a spiritual experience, especially the bluebird being a sign that something/someone is looking over us. I'm not a religious person but do believe there is a spiritual side to life. My mum also passed away in much the same manner as your dad and I feel privileged to have been there with her and telling her it was OK to let go when she was ready. I often think about it 12years later and am convinced it was a good way to pass from this world.
Beautiful ending to a sad story. When my wife passed peacefully, both of my kids arrived to the hospital about 45 minutes before she went to Heaven. We too, gave her permission to go, as she was somehow fighting it, even though the doctors said she was in a coma for the last 24 hours. While watching the monitors, we could see her heart and oxygen levels drop severely. Her heart stopped and then all the sudden restarted. She did this two times and then it finally stopped for good. Kim was definitely a fighter. We both were with this disease. It was exactly 6 months ago today that I lost my bride of 35 years, who was just 55 days shy of turning 55 years old. I miss her so much.
God bless you and your family and may He provide you with comfort.
I am sorry to hear of Bob's passing I believe he is now whole again with a perfect mind and body and I also believe in a beautiful death it is a peaceful transition with your loved ones beside you.
I also believe in signs from our loved ones that have passed, I have received many throughout the years, and from your husband, the artist, what better sign that a beautifully coloured blue bird...
So sorry for your loss. Very well said post. I got chills reading it. Sounds like everyone came together to give him peace of mind that it was ok to move on. My dad is also afraid of dying. Has never wanted to talk about funeral arrangements or any type of end of life care. He only says he wants to be resuscitated if his heart stops. If it comes to that it will be difficult since I feel differently knowing he really had no quality of life. But I know I have to respect his wishes.
Take care of yourself and find peace knowing he is now free of this horrible disease.
Thank you for sharing. Your bluebird will find you often. Take comfort in that. No regrets he is no longer suffering and now willl take care of you in unbelievable ways because he can now.
It's hard to know when it started. I believe it was about 7 years from the earliest symptoms, which is typical.
My heart goes out to you and all those affected by this horrible disease. Right now, I'm left with a profound sadness about the suffering my husband went through. Im just so grateful that his passing was painless and peaceful. God bless us all.☀
Wow that brought tears to my eyes xx lots of love and thoughts to you and your family. Thank you for sharing such a lovely story and a comforting way to lose someone so dear xx
I am so sorry for your loss. I love your bluebird story and really believe that they are with us even after they have passed. I have had a cardinal at my feeder since August. It comes in every now and then. I never noticed a cardinal before my Les passed in August. They are with us, they will forever be with us. I know that heavy hearted feeling you have--it's like no other feeling I have ever had in my life. Prayers for you and your loved ones during this time. Give yourself time to grieve, to cry and to find peace.
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11 days and counting
Frank now at peace & free
In memory of David Clifton
