Well I seem to have spent the majority of this week bursting into tears randomly, waking in the middle of the night desperate to get to my Mum & wrap my arms around her and have a proper Dad hug!
I cannot explain myself to most people that to our family Christmas had always been "Mum" and the magic she has created around it and boy was it magical. Dad knows, Dad gets it & I know we will both struggle on Christmas Day but at least we will be together albeit for a shortened time as Mum just can't cope with the disruption to routine.
I am and will be forever thankful for the most amazing Christmas's I have been lucky enough to share with the people I love the most and although tomorrow will be very different, I will still be with the people I love the most.
Thinking of you all this Christmas, sending you love in abundance & hoping you find pockets of peace to help you cope xxx
Written by
Katet68
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When I get tired and have bad days with Liz I wake tearfully and I find it helpful to remind myself that it is repeated loss. Loss of each ability, loss bit by bit of who that person is and the expected loss and their demise. That's a lot of loss to cope with and it hurts. So I feel the hurt and tell myself this is what is and I might rail against it, but I need to just accept it and that is not always easy.
I hope you find some lovely moments this Christmas.
Warmly
Kevin
PS - I also get driven to tears by frustration and hurt at times too.
Kevin. You describe how I feel too. I have spent the week crying or so it seems. The only time I have been alright is when my Grandchildren are with me. Yesterday my Granddaughter spent most of the day with me and then my son came after he had finished shopping.
Today has been so hard though. Thank God for my little Grandson. Driving home after eating out (not how I wanted things but I wasn't asked), in his Mum's car he asked me had I had a nice Christmas. He is only 7 and it just took my breath away that he should even think of me and care if I had or not. Sadly my Daughter (his Mum) did exactly what I expected and dropped me at the door and went off home ( she lives around the corner)!
This was about 6.15pm and she made a big thing of how everyone just wanted to get home and go to bed!
My son who is good to me went to his Girlfriend's and I can't blame him as he does a lot for me. Tomorrow I won't see anyone. It seems my daughter is going to her boyfriend's family.
My son will probably stay at his girlfriend's and be part of a normal family for once. It is the saddest Christmas ever. I used to make a big thing of it and feel deserted tonight. I dread next Christmas when I might have no husband in all probability. He would be heartbroken to know I have been left alone tonight.
My brother's wife had MS and he had to do just about everything in the house plus look after her. Yet he still managed to take my Mother and my Aunt to his house every Sunday. At Christmas they stayed there for a couple if days and then he came and got them again for New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I hadn't really appreciated until now how much he did.
Kevin I hope you are not feeling abandoned today and tomorrow. If you are just remember you are not alone.
Love to you and your wife. I have just realised I don't know if you have any other family? I hope you do and I hope they are with you both. Hope everyone else has either friends or family around them too.
Just to make matters worse I think we have a mouse or maybe mice! They sound like they are under the bedroom floor! Either that or there are birds nesting somewhere. Just what I need? They will have to stay there for now that's for sure! Being a city girl I am not used to little creatures!
God Bless you. You do matter too. Know that what you are doing is one of the most important jobs in the world.Just finished watching a movie Noel it is so much like what most of us go through and others do not understand .It is worth watching. Hugs for all of you. Merry Christmas.
I feel exactly the same - mum has always made christmas time so special & tomorrow although she will be there....my heart will be breaking every step of the way. Dreading every moment even though I know I should be cherishing. Sending you hugs X
I hope you have a wonderful New Year. Remember that PSP cannot take away your love and happy memories....It sounds like you have a lot of them! God Bless you
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Wishing you all a Happy Christmas
