Well, today was an interesting day. Went to the home to bring all the nurses, doctor and the director some homebaked goodies. As I made my was to my mother in laws room she was not there so I looked in the rec room and low and behold she was calmly sitting down watching TV with the other residents.

Gotcha!!!!! The minute she saw me the crying and complaining started, as I am walking by the nurses station with her the head nurse looked at my mother in law and said "Laura why are you crying, you were talking (at least trying to) to another woman and watvhing TV in peace". She knew she was caught and didn't say another word. Italian mothers are the masters of guilt, I should know I am one hahaha

I stayed for a while waiting for her carer to arrive but a while turned into 4 hours. Every time I tried to leave she would start the guilt and anxiety trips on me. After lunch I brought her to her room and put her in bed for a nap, she would have none of it.

You have to understand that I left work for what should have been half an hour, to bring the goodies and talk to the doctor.

When I finally decided that I had had enough I told her that I had to get back to work, I put her back into her chair and walked her to the nurses station. There she sat and told me she was afraid to be alone, there were 2 nurses, 4 PSW's and 3 residents all beside her trying to let her know she was not alone. I turned the corner, waited a few minutes and hear her talking to another resident telling them I was her daughter in law and not her daughter.

I understand the anxiety and turmoil she is experiencing, but today......GOTCHA!!!! I left reassured that she was OK

17 Replies

  • Ok now next time keep that half hour true to itself. It's like a kid going to camp and calling you how miserable they are and in two hours they've made two new best friends.....

    My mother was queen of guilt and judgement....She was married to an Italian, does that count hahaha."?


  • so true abirke, I don't mean to undermine her illness, I know it's real. And yes if your mother married an Italian she is in the club hahaha

  • You know , that makes me half Italian....which sounds about right,,,,I only make my children feel guilty only half the time hahah

  • guilt comes double whammy when you have an Italian mother and are Catholic imagine that

  • Hi, yes it's like leaving a child at school for the first time. You cry all the way home, they have stopped, before you leave the school grounds! I know we all question the ability of the staff to look after our loved ones, but this proves, your mother in law is extremely well cared for and is settling in nicely. As my mother says in one of her loops, "The place is OK, food's fine, company good and if you can't be at home, this place is as good as any!" She is not Italian, but did invent the guilt trip and passed on to you guys. Thankfully, the Alzheimer's has taken away all the guilt and unsettled feelings, my mother is the happiest she has ever been. Huge relief for me and my sister, saved one problem. Now I just have to cope with her forgetting that S is ill and why I have to everything the the lazy "B".

    Lots of love


  • Heady, it seems like when your older you revery right back to where you began. everything you said is true, and sometimes I wish she didn't realize where she was and how she is.


  • Im just having a smile here because this all sounds so familiar. Marie

  • I often saw how children were happy with someone, only to start whining as soon as mum returned.

    Chris doesn't do this but has become very infantile in his speech at times.

    He is very dependant on my smiles.

    love, Jean x

  • I think when it is only George and myself, he whines like a little boy, our grandson who is only 5 is nothing like George for whining. It does really feel like you have a child again!!!!!! Yvonne xxxx

  • ki am a naughty 3 year old mhy partner says and a a rebel and will not look fafter myh own safety.]

    i don tknwo why i have got like this but i am, and its the PSP SE;A;KING not me jill


  • It's good to hear she's getting along OK. I do understand about thinking you can make a quick trip and it turns into hours. My dad also will start complaining and want to keep me there. So when I have to go to work I drop mom off and I don't go in. I have picked up mom before and met her in the hallway rather than going to dad's room simply because I didn't have enough time to get involved with whatever issues he may bring up at the time. I do however take the time to see him later in the day. I'm sure I would be in the same or maybe even worse if I was in their shoes. And also thanks for taking the caregivers some goodies. I know they must appreciate it. I'm planning to do the same thing where my dad is. They work such long hours and really work to take care of people, it's nice to make them feel appreciated.

  • My trips are usually quick, an hour or so daily during the week. We decided to place her in the home for 2 reasons, the first for safety as her condo was no longer safe and the second is that we wanted her to ineract with other people. It is starting to work now.

    Bringing cookies is something I learned form my mother, when you treat people with respect you get that respect back, my mother in law can no longer do that so I do it for her. The team at her home is fabulous and I just want them to know that I appreciate what they do.

    Where do you live Lucy

  • I'm in Phoenix Arizona. Where are you? I do believe if you treat people with respect you get respect in return. At least for the most part. On the weekends I go in and stay with my dad during breakfast and I help the staff get coffee and juice and serve the meals. The weekend staff especially treats my dad well and I think that has a been a reason for that. I also enjoy doing it. The residents get to see someone else serving them periodically and they appreciate having a little extra attention too.

  • I'm in snow covered Toronto, and we are twins, I also go during the day and help feed, talk to and shuffle residents around. I like talking to people and hearing about their lives. There are a few that have dimentia and funny enough I didn't realize it until I talked to them for a while. We have a hoot and even if I can make them smile for 1 second I am happy.

    Last night they took the ladt that lives next door to my mother in law to the hospital, she was unresponsive, she would not wake up. Even though I have only known her daughter for 3 weeks, we hugged and prayed together for her mom.

    Your right, about the respect thing, being Italian it's imbedded in us...

    Gotta go shovel some know, we got 30 cm in 2 days, it's a winter wonderland

  • Stay warm up there in Toronto. It's too cold for me here right now. I'd never make it there. Take care and hugs and prayers to you.

  • Although I would like to experience a warm Chritmas it would not be the same without the frigid temps, Canadians get upset when there isn't snow on the ground for Christmas

  • Chuckles!


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