Timing

My wife has an impeccable sense of timing ; she invariably has a bowel movement within 15 minutes of the carer leaving in the morning or alternatively about 40 minutes before she arrives in the evening with the odd one thrown in at random in the middle of the day (that's if she goes atall .) My life seems to revolve around hoisting ,divesting V of her trousers etc then administering to her .I find it all quite tricky ,it is like changing an eleven stone baby without the wriggles ,just dead weight .Usually I place everything I need on the bed in preparation but things never seem to go quite to plan .I roll V towards me and watch in despair as the toilet roll disappears over edge of the other side of the bed ,back to square one .Then there's those stupid wet wipes ,I want one but out comes ten in a clump .Alternatively my rubber glove sticks that wretched sticky flap on the top .A quick flick of the wrist sends the packet sailing across the room well out of reach ..Next there's the pad,forgotten toput it out then putting it in the right place is like parking the car in too small a place.Once dressed (equivalent to all in wrestling) hoist and back into chair .Clear up and think job well done notice strange but familiar look on V's face and crawl under the bed in search of those errant wet wipes .

19 Replies

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  • Oh dear! Poor you! Can imagine how you feel! No doubt exhausted and in need of a cuppa, or something stronger! Hugs to you both! You are doing a great job!

  • This all sounds totally exhausting but good for you for having a great sense of humour. Your wife is a lucky lady to have someone so caring looking after her. Keep up the good work but take care of yourself too when you have time.

  • I know it's a serious matter but your description did make me smile. I don't usually have to deal with bowel incidents as Ben generally makes it to the toilet bur also have trouble with the loo roll falling on the floor and bundles of wet wipes when you only need one. If you didn't laugh you would certainly end up screaming at the situation. On the odd occasion when he doesn't quite make it I generally have to scrape it off the bathroom floor and also manage to trample it all over the place, end up having to clean both of us. Such is life as Ben is always saying.

    Love Kate xx

  • Sounds all too familiar.....

  • As you rightly say Kate - if you didn't laugh you would cry - so lets keep laughing or smiling at least . When really stressed I hum to my self "always look on the bright side of life te-dum te- dum tedumtedumtedum "

  • Pandora radio gets me through the day. Yesterday I played my 'favorite' picks from throughout the year....It made me feel so happy...Every song was my favorite....found myself humming when dad refused again to go to the gym....I did get him to walk the ramp...

    I wonder if our loved ones don't have some sort of psychology t them I always called it passive aggressive behavior....I have overcome that feeling but this sounds so much like what B would do....Maybe V is relaxing once the carer leaves. I have talked about proximity control before, where we are on our best when around "authority" ....Though this certainly doesn't give rise to the morning event....We all gots to go....maybe the morning events are the "I can't to hold it" til after! I'm sorry I wish I had an answer....

  • Oh George you made me smile, do t have that problem with George. Look after yourself, V is a very lucky lady having you care for her xxxxx

  • I am not sure she would always agree especially when I have rolled her to the left then the right then sworn a lot and manhandled her posterior to get the pad positioned and then can't find where I left my rubber glove !!!!!!

  • It might make it easier if your wife wore a skirt, easier then taking off trousers. We did that with my mum, changed her entire wardrobe, long maxi skirts. It's a hard job, anything to make it easier.

  • My life is sort of the same. My husband told me he was dreading this part losing control of the bowels. Don't worry ,I will look after it. Don't worry I said. I am keeping him home till the end. Just don't think they can look after him like I can. Such a awful disease.

  • You have made me chuckle! Surely the best way if we can manage it

    Have a more scheduled day-not sure when his lordship will wake today, at mo I am snuggled up with a Cuppa catching up on emails etc bliss!

    Julie

  • Made me laugh. It happens all the time. Yesterday I wasn't well so our son took Chris out whilst I cooked a meal. They returned and I was all prepared for the final assembly. As I sat him at the table there was a suspicious aroma so I asked whether he needed the toilet. " yes "

    In fact it was too late and he hadn't said anything so it was a full change and clean up. As he is deaf all my instructions to him are heard by everyone ! And I was cross.

    Eventually we sat down like a " normal" family to roast duck with me feeling exhausted. Only one completely oblivious was Chris !!

    Happy days.

    love, Jean x

  • Oh George you are very good with making the description of this horrible task light and humorous. Was in the exact same position for about a year before M moved into a nursing home where it is their problem.

    I know it sounds horrid: I dispensed with gloves early on and made sure I had good scrub and antibacterial cream for hands. I found that the gloves meant I lost grip on toilet paper wipes and M's clothes. Tried the silly gloves the nurses and carers gave me and Marigolds before going commando. I also bought a load of old terry nappies from Salvation Army charity shop, not easy to find but better than silly little wipes or small flannels yes more work for washing machine but quicker on the cleaning also could leave one under her in bed and on her chair to act as additional barrier. M wore skirts elasticated waist so easy to remove with a dead weight on my shoulder. The catheter meant I had to put her in trousers which made changing much more difficult.

    Good luck and hope V remains fairly predictable as if she stops constipation is so much worse. Tim

  • i hVE BEEEN HAVIGN PROBS WITH CONSIT[PATION FOLLD BY TOO MUCH TOO SOON IF YOU INWO WH`AT I MEAN_

    I HAD A LORT=ARRAWEE=E =PROBS TOO BUT THEY SEEM TO EB SORTED AT THE MOMENT 0 WHICH IS A;; L L1 CANA SAY WITH THIS PSP

    IT IS NWTO FUNNY WHEN THE Bhtroojm nEEDS C;EAMOGM I[ AFTER A VISIT NBY ME ES[ AP AS YOU SAY GOERGE IT TENDS TO HAPPEN WHEN THE CARER IS NOT HTERE AT ALL

    loL JILLL

    XXX

  • I think trey call it "sods law" Jill - anyway all strength to you girl you are doing well .

  • I have been doing this with my husband for many years. They can not go on demand. I am 71 and it is hard but I try not to let it get to me. If it was I that needed to go I would already feel bad enough about it . I would rather be the one helping than the one at the receiving end of the assistance. I know how you feel have wanted run away and join the circus at times. We can't change how it is but I have learned to change my attitude. However when you are feeling burned out you need a break. Vent all you like on this site we all understand the struggel is real. Strength and patience to you both.

  • Well written! And I know just what you mean! Just when you think you've got everything under control, control slips away and becomes a time of chaos! With my husband it is the same, when there is no one around to help with lifting, changing, cleaning up, that's when it needs to be done. Thanks for the 'fun' read, it's better than crying. Best to you and even though I haven't told you, I enjoy reading your post and know that you are a gem!

  • Oh dear is this what's coming? J has stopped flushing the toilet. I know by the smell (which he is oblivious to) and have to flush and clean but recently am finding the seat dirty and/or dirty toilet paper left anywhere around near the toilet.

  • This reminds me of the time by son made a mess in his diaper, I was out and my husband was trying to clean him but like you, the wet ones flew out of reach and the diapers were put on backwards. He eventually put him in the tub and left the clean up to me....by the time I got home he looked like he went through a war with a 4 month old baby...priceless

    Hope you found the wet ones!!!

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