Last days

We are at the crosswords. Dad has always asked that every thing be done to keep him alive. Do we resuscitate

Do we re incubate when he can no longer breathe do we keep his wishes to have every intervention or do we send him to palliative care . The five children are divided.He has a feeding tube, oxygen mask at risk of cardiac failure He no longer can communicate but he has always indicated he wanted everything that medical intervention canon do to keep him alive

13 Replies

  • Things may have taken their course by now. However things are, you may all find that a medic will make that decision for you all. And if that overrides yours and your dad's wishes, then that will be that!

    Have been in that quandary myself. Talk to your siblings. Do they all think that their dad has any quality of life left? There comes a point at which it is beyond a point where prolonging life is reasonable or sensible.

    At that time, I found it most scary to think I would need to make that decision by myself. When I realized it was taken out of my hands by the Dr, I found I was relieved and could accept his/her decision as I could also see how much my man was suffering.

    I found that the Dr had a plan to give drugs to make him more peaceful, not to cough his lungs out, but to be able to rest. His passing was peaceful, the suffering not prolonged.

    Prepare yourselves by talking together. This may be where you all are now.

    My thoughts are with you all. God give you the strength to make the right decisions and be at peace after that decision is reached. Jen

  • My thoughts are the same as Jen's. My dad was kept alive ( not PSP) as the hospital couldn't reach us. They had phoned 5 dad's phone not ours. It was not a good end and I wouldn't want my husband to go like that. C was with us in his wheelchair. Before he saw my dad die, he said he wanted everything he could to stay alive but that day changed his mind. All the time your dad is aware I expect his wishes will be granted but once he can no longer breathe, I'd hope the doctors would do the sensible thing.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you all.


  • Hi, I can't add to what the others have said, so will just send a very large hug at this awful time for you.

    Lots of love


  • i ahgree heady



  • I had a young friend who was put on a breathing machine for a while at the end of his life. It was horrible to see, as his poor chest was forcefully pumped up and down. It looked like violence was being done him, and I'm sure he would have been in agony except he was on so much morphine he seemed comatose. I would never have them intubate with a terminal illness. I'm very sorry for you and your family. I hope the doctors can help you all come to a decision you can make peace with. Ec

  • i agree with honjen43 don't worry common sense will prevail with the medics , hold dad tight he knows you are there

    julie x

  • After being in a similar situation with Dad,I think common sense will prevail and no-one wants to see their loved one suffer.The DNR was taken out of my Moms hands,for which I am grateful as she was struggling to make it a week or so before he died.Once it was in place she accepted it was for the best and nature took its course.Thinking of you and sending hugs at this difficult time for you

  • So sad. Thinking of you all. I agree with the others that the doctors will know when there is no real,choice.

    love, Jean x

  • Valbri, there is only so much you can do, and it sounds like everything that can be done is being done. I agree with the replies here, and believe me, it is better to go peacefully than the alternative. But keep being near your dad, and talk to him, even if you think he is unresponsive. That really is the best you can do at this stage. X

  • @Noella21

    My heart goes out to you. I agree with all. This is no time for family to be divided .Support each other to accept the doctors advice. My prayers are for peace for all of you.

  • I know it will sound mean, but I think best to let him go in peace. I know we want to keep are loved ones with us for ever but that's not good. He will not even know anyone. So sorry my preys.

  • Bob died yesterday and we are now planning his funeral. His breathing was failing and the need for a ventilator was imminent. His heart stopped and we cancelled the attempt to revive him. It was very very sad but also relief. Thank you every one. I have been following this sight for three years. Bob was diagnosed six years ago and the last year was the hardest. God Bless.

  • My sympathy, Valbri. Please, take care of yourself now. Rest. Love, Easterncedar

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