Upsetting day

Not sure how to handle this problem. It was my day to attend the hospice today. Sitter was due and arrived half an hour after i left (she is his favourite carer) she stayed untill 30 mins before i was due home. So not long on his own. When she arrived he was in a state because the phone had rung and also someone had knocked on the front door he was scared that he had done it all wrong and didn't know if i would come home. Yet when i got home he was upset because he thought he had upset his sitter/carer.

not sure if it was because i was at the hospice or if he just getting over clingy. He seems to be ok when i go out for an hour or so every morning to go to work (private caring) as if i don't do enough at home but it is my sane time. I look after a 94 year old lady who is as bright as a button but body failing. Do you think it's because I'm to far away or is it because it's the hospice and it brings home his mortality. And how do i deal with it. G7ve it up for a quite life or carry on. Janexx

7 Replies

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  • Jane may be it was just one of those days, I am sure they get a bit clingy, we are with them so much, and I think they feel safe with us. But you must still go out and do what you have to do, I always go out in the morning to do my jobs, while he is in bed, I tell him I am going and how long I will be.

    Jane I think they turn I to children again, and we are like there mothers, that is how I feel, fed up of rushing everywhere.

    Good luck Jane. Yvonne xxxx

  • Exactly. My poor D is more and more like a two year old. Very sad.

  • Jane it's so hard trying to do everything "right"

    Keith has said to me tonight that he wouldn't let other people care for me making me feel terribly guilty again!

    I do think that they become totally dependent on us and it's really frustrating for them and us to cope with the situation we have found ourselves in, after all we are only human!

    Keep doing what you think and know is right, we can do no more, keep your chin up and persevere, we are all doing our best!

    Love and hugs....Pat xx

  • Pat is right we are only human, and we are all doing a wonderful job. Yvonne xxx

  • Hi Jane, what are you doing at the Hospice? If it's helping YOU get through all this, then please DONT give it up! I know there is the extra cost, but can you arrange for the Carer to be there before you leave and stay the whole time? Or disconnect the phone and door bell, if it is easy! As long as the Carer knows how to put it back on.

    It would be a real shock to the system, if one day was the same as the last and no new problems!!!!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • C. always looks at me as if I am his Life belt. I know he would prefer me always there but agrees I need to go out. I always put ansaphone on and turn sound down.

    I just refuse to let myself respond to guilty if I know I am doing my best. It doesn't always work of course !

    C.'s reactions are often very childlike. I think its when he feels frightened and vulnerable. Then I tend to automatically respond as a parent. Not good but normal.

    I think it must be so hard to feel so vulnerable and lost. Especially for men , like C, who was always the protective male. here they are in a world which bewilders them.

    We are all frightened, aren't we ?

    love, Jean

  • I leave B for an hour or so a day for this or that. He has his books . does not fret and since his walking has reduced so has his falling.

    Maybe your mate needs something of his own like books on tape or a favorite tv show during transition. just thinkin...would rather be sleepin

    AVB

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