I never had a carer rota sent to me this last week so phoned the agency to ask who was coming and when. The person due on Friday night didn't arrive so I had to get C to bed on my own, hoisting him out again a few minutes after I'd got him settled to clean him up and change the bedding and I got up to him 4 times during the night. There was no one available to come on Saturday morning so I hoisted him out of bed and shaved, showered and dressed him and hoisted him into his chair. I'm on my own Saturday night but was expecting someone this morning at 7 am. She never arrived so I phoned the on call number which switched to voicemail so once again I shaved him while he was in bed and hoisted him onto the commode. I decided to cut his hair before showering. At 7.43 the carer arrived. I told her I was expecting her at 7 and she said, "No, I have a window of 45 minutes and can arrive any time during that window". I argued that she was wrong. 7 is the earliest carers start so the 7 am call should start on time. I said she will now be late for her next call and she said it didn't matter as long as she arrived. I showed her the statement in the record book that instructs me to ring on call after 10 minutes if the carer hasn't arrived.
She then:-
Took the hair clippers from me and told me I was cutting his hair wrong. I told her I'd cut it since I met him 47 years ago.
Told me I had attached the sling to the hoist incorrectly and started to adjust it. I told her I was responsible for the hoist so leave it as it is.
C came out of the shower room with tears streaming down his face but I couldn't find out why.
She then said he shouldn't have female carers, only 2 male carers as he was too big for females to deal with. I said I am a female on my own and deal with him all day.
She then said he would be better in residential care. I was speechless for a few seconds and then I told her all the time I could cope, he is staying at home and she then said I could put him in a home where he could have an apartment so I could be with him all day but come home at night. She even told me where he could go, to a town 15 miles away. This was all said in front of C and I told her he understood everything that was being said.
I've never sent a written complaint about any carers but I will about this one. I can give as good as I get but if she says the same things to more vulnerable carers it could be very distressing. She said she has been with the company for 2 months but I will tell them I don't want her here again.
Rant over....that feels better.
Happy Sunday to everyone or whichever day it is that you are reading this.
X
Written by
NannaB
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Oh NannaB I hope that feels better! What a weekend you have had! Sounds like she will get "both barrels' ( of gun) when you put pen to paper.
Wonder how many times in her 2months she has met PSP! Or how many times she has met a carer as stroppy as you after a weekend of 'careless'ness!
Think you did remarkably to keep your temper for as long as you did!
You did and said all the right things. Next time find that magpie and set him onto her!
Now, sit down the moment you can and start writing your letter of complaint. Write down all you have written in this website, as well as how stroppy she was too! Wonder if she got mad in shower and got shampoo in his eyes!
Then maybe get a small glass of wine just in case you have to get C up and down again!
In fact I wonder if she was unable to easily handle C since she mentioned he was too big for a female. Maybe she hurt him by not lifting or moving him properly. Know I did with my man and was very careful to try not to hurt after. She wasn't in that sort of a mood!
Oh yes! Definitely complain!
I'm done now too! My Sunday is nearly over! Take care. XXXX Jen
Good for you NannaB sock it to them .That's why I don't use an agency just three independent well qualified carers .They have built up a good rapport with V and yes we do get a bit stretched at times but the continuity is worth its weight in gold .
I'm sorry I can't help here. The CHC pay for our carers so found them for me. If you write a new post asking the question, I'm sure you will get lots of helpful advice. I think if we were in your position, I'd ring social services.
One way is simply to ask around with other people who have carers and get a recommended one who will then know others etc . A lot of the people who work for agencies work on what is called "the bank " which means they are not full time with an agency but often do private work as well . If you have one from an agency who you really like ask if they are willing to work privately for you ( it is a better rate of pay for them rather than being paid by the agency ) They will probably be able to recommend others and put a small team together . My team is three with another one who fills in when one is off or holidays come into play . Having said that more often than not they cover for each other . I gues a lot comes down to the level of cover you need . I have carers three nights a week ( plus Marie Curie once or twice as well ) and I am now having five mornings for an hour to help get V up as it is now very difficult for one person to wash and dress her . Hope that is helpful .
oh NannaB! I can hardly believe what you are able to accomplish on your own, and then for you to have to deal with a "carer" like that instead of having the help you need! And you couldn't have had any kind of sleep. I don't know how you kept your cool at all. Hugs and much admiration, Easterncedar
Thanks Easterncedar, I think I was in shock really and just replied. After she had gone I was surprised I had kept my temper. I've sent an email to the company saying we don't want to see her again.
Whether or not she has any experience of PSP she should not be doing the job. She doesn't have the sensitivity to work with carers, many of whom will be less capable of dealing with her than you. Even worse, its wrong to upset C , as she clearly did. Do your worst !!!
She's lucky you didn't attack her with the clippers - tongue ?
I hope your weekend improves. It is a nice day here.
Oh, the sun makes things a lot better doesn't it. I've sent an email to the company and ended it by saying I was concerned that if she spoke to vulnerable clients or members of their family, like she spoke to me, she could cause great distress. I also said we didn't want to see her again.
I do wonder why some people are carers as they have no empathy at all. She sounds like a vile one who has no respect for either of you. Good on you for complaining as hopefully she won't be treating others the same for much longer. Big hugs x
And I have so much sympathy for you n send you the hugest hug!
Then I ask myself why are these uncaring people doing a supposed carers job?
What a bitch!!
I would have gone mental out of earshot of your husband!!
I simply HATE these people that come into OUR homes and are nothing but plain stupid and down right rude!!
I hope she gets the sack and never works again as a carer secondly when she is older I hope she gets treated like shit!!
Do you have chc? I can't remember but sounds like you should have and if you do complain to the chc commission and get a new care company in (that's what I did) our new carers are nothing short of fabadooka!!
I'd also put in a complaint of the highest nature to the cqc, quality care commission because that agency need closing down for their continual no shows!!
I've sent a long email to the company but am not taking it further at the moment as the lovely carer we have had for over two years, returns from a 5 week holiday today, starting here again on Tuesday. C loves her and when I asked if he is looking forward to her moving back, his thumb went up. Up until her going away, things were going well so I'm sure it will be OK again from Tuesday. The other carers are lovely as well.....if they turn up.
I never heard anything about the email I sent the care company. Just confirmation they have got it would have done. A few days ago someone from the care company came to review the care plan. I asked her if she had received the email and she said she had forwarded it to the owner of the company who is dealing with it.
Oh Nanna B, I'm having one of those weekends too! Had to call 999 last night as Keith had slipped on wee in the downstairs loo again and I couldn't get him up, he's terrible today, struggling to get him showered or just moving has been a nightmare, I'm in one of those "I can't do this any more" moods, not sure I can keep this I much longer!
As far as that carer is concerned she shouldn't even be a carer she sounds awful, the last thing you need!
Oh Pat, that's bad. Do you have carers to help. When they are good it's brilliant. I still get those "I can't do this anymore" moments but I've found the worse things have got for C, the easier it has got for me. Not being mobile, hoists and other equipment to help, convenes etc has all made it easier. It's horrible to think his deteriation has given me relief. Still hard but in a different way.
Thanks NannaB, yes we do have carers, an hour in the morning and half an hour at night, they gave me extra by having two carers in the morning but Keith didn't like it he felt intimidated, so because he's nearly fallen a few times in the shower I have to be the second carer until a new care plan is done and that's being sorted tomorrow, his mobility is definitely getting a lot worse now!
He will just have to get used to two carers as I'm slowly losing the plot, I desperately need some respite!
I understand just what you mean, as things have progressed and mobility stops it gets easier, but gets harder in other ways. This is such a s.... and cruel disease, so hard on everyone involved and the sufferer, I feel so helpless and alone at times and I'm grateful for your kind words, so thank you.....xx😘
I'm the second carer but only because C is wheeled into the wet room on a shower/commode chair, it only takes one to shower him. I have to shower him on my own quite often to clean him up. I'm sure Keith will soon get used to having two carers. C didn't want any carers but I told him if he wanted to stay at home, he'd have to put up with it. I used to listen to them laughing as he showered. I'm not sure what was going on but he was happy. Unfortunately he doesn't laugh like that now.
Thanks Satt, I understand what you're saying exactly, falls are so frightening for everyone, when Keith has had a fall he seems to go downhill at lightening speed with me not far behind!
Hopefully I will feel a bit better once I have had my long awaited respite!
Hi the carers dont really know anything they just pretend they do and they dont really have any professional qualifications . I am cutting out our carers except for Mondays and J will attend day care at a local care home. He went there yesterday from 10am till 7pm for the same cost of a 4 hr session with home carers. It was wonderful he had a nice lunch there and when I arrived at 6.30pm to collect him he was in the dining room getting waited on having a lovely supper. The day was brilliant and I was able to visit my mum who has just had a new knee at the Hoarder Centre. Obviously if J was bed bound he could not attend day care but for now Im giving the carers the elbow x
I think you have the right idea Escada29. All the time J can get out, take him. As you say, if he ever becomes bed bound things will be different as they will if you get to the stage when you can't manage him alone but long may he be able to visit the day care centre.
Oh NannaB, what can I say! Except agree with the others, you did exactly the right thing, not losing your temper. But I hope the letter made it pretty obvious how you felt! Hope your regular Carer turns up soon, it makes such a difference. We have two agencies looking after S at the moment. The main one can't do the evening call, so after 4 months of waiting, another company has just started. Jury is definitely out, but as the first night, S had already gone to bed, because he wasn't well, the next two was in hospital, the we don't have them on Friday or Saturday!!! So I will give them a bit longer to settle down! (But not much!)
Our regular one is back on Tuesday, hooray! I hope your evening calls are good. Just heating up my evening meal which was going to be lunch but wouldn't have got it til 3. Wine poured ahhhhh!
I would put a verbal complaint in about that carer and say that she is not to come again because of attitude. The other carers will get to hear very quickly.
I would also telephone the agency senior manager tell them what hapened, attitude and time keeping and that 'person centred caring' (care buzzword) means working with the person to their time needs too as well working with the carer, as required by the CQC.
Just the mention of CQC usually does the job.
Sorry to be so belligerent... I fight this fight too often, as we all do.
But hey, I (mostly) get a good service now!
Only a few of our carers have shot themselves so far.
That's made me smile Kevin. I have sent a long email to the company quoting even more of the conversation than I wrote in the post here. I said neither C or I wish to see her again. I'll see what the response is before taking it further. I don't want the CHC to change the company we have as our long term carers are lovely and we would hate to lose them. I don't think any of ours gave shot themselves but one is now a painter and decorator.
Dear NannaB I felt exhausted just reading your post so goodness knows how you felt having to deal with all that lifting on your own. That woman, I fail to be able to call her a carer not only deserves the sack but prevented from working in any caring environment, an absolute disgrace. I'm glad your regular carer is back soon but it is awful to be at the mercy of the care provider. Same with Ben in the hospital, the care and attitude of some of the nursing staff in his ward at Pembury Hospital leaves a lot to be desired and sometimes I reluctantly have to leave him fearing that he won't get the care and attention he deserves, very different experience to Bristol. I'm pleased you have gotten pen to paper, or finger to keyboard to write a heartfelt letter of complaint and do hope you get an appropriate response. Love to you both.
Hi again Cabbagecottage, Colin's sling goes right round him, not under his arms. It's like a hammock but his legs are supported separately. I've been in it and it is very comfortable. I hope your darlings new sling is more comfortable.
Glad you put little Miss Know It All in her place. I'm surprised she didn't go through the whole house and made comments on just about everything while she was at it. We've been lucky with our carers, the newbies made up lack of skills with enthusiasm and kindness, and it's so much easier to tell them what's what when they're open to input. Your little angel obviously was a whole other case! Would love to hear your get a caring response. C is lucky to have you!
Oh no, I can't believe this! I'm afraid I have not been looking at the posts for a couple of days as I have just returned from a blissful couple of days respite with both daughters to a hotel in Bath! I'm so sorry you had such a rotten weekend topped off with such a dreadful experience for both you and C. I do hope all will be back to normal this week.
I'm so pleased you had a great time away Vicki. You deserved it and to be with both daughters must have been wonderful. I'm sure your lovely hubby and dog had a good time as well but must have been pleased to see you.
By Tuesday all should be back to normal here with just the Sunday morning call where different folk turn up. Hopefully the lovely L or D. I think you are right about L. He is probably staying with the company after all which I'm pleased about.
Hope your week is good after a great weekend away.
Yes I was very spoilt. I didn't even have to drive as I was picked up and returned to our house. Bath was looking lovely in the sun and it was great to have two whole days and an evening for conversation. Son-in-law was looking after the grandchildren at home so elder daughter really enjoyed the break too. Things have been a bit tough recently so it was lovely to be able to think and talk without interruptions and make some plans for the future.
D seemed OK when I got back as far as I could tell. The carer who had been with him for two days and a night did say he doesn't know how I do it!,
I'm a lot better thanks... just hit that p.m. low spot... sitting for a while before picking up on the chores again... not to many more today.
Your trip sounds wonderful. Time to sit and think and talk, great.
Sounds like you really deserved... plan another!
I'm trying to extend our CHC monies so that I can get two mornings off a week... even one would be great... there's plenty of nice woodland around here and the thought of walking until I find a clearing and sitting in the sun and then sipping a good china tea in silence... ah!
Like you I have never had a schedule to know who I can expect and when.
I can't move on my own and live alone so am dependent on my carers turning up. I am angry to read of your experiences. You have more than enough to cope with without the extra hassle. Have a big hug from me and look after yourself xx
Thanks. I usually have a rota sent to me and one came this week. Can you ask your care company to send you one. It must be awful if you are on your own and don't know who to expect. Have you heard about the CHC yet?
Oh my goodness me! You are a Saint not to have taken those clippers and shortened her tongue with them.! Well done you for defending your beloved's rights!
I have written a letter of complaint, as Bs carer had his car stolen overnight and he couldn't get here. The person who rang to tell us just said "Sorry" and we were left with no carer on Sat. I have arthritis in my neck and spine , but I managed somehow.
It is appalling that you have no carer and then have an obnoxious one when you do. Give 'em hell, NannsB.
Carers Unite!( and always complain when it is justified, only then, a change may take place.) Sending a big HUG. X
Oh no! Another unpaid carer doing the work a paid carer should. I hope yours gets another car soon as there will be lots more folk in the same situation as we have been.
Thanks Debbie, today has been better, very hectic but better. Tomorrow evening will be even better still. It is the U3A combined wine group end of term party. Unfortunately I've got to drive there but I'll have my wine when I get home and just have a lot of chat and laughs at the party.
OMG! I am speechless!!! I really am....except to ask, you don't have the same carers coming in daily?...even on the weekends? OMG!!! Who do I call , Bev I'll call them I don't care im in the US let me at em!
Colin I'm so sorry you had to experience the insensitivity of one 'devoted' to your needs...i'm so sorry
Thanks AVB. C has 2 main carers but different ones on Sunday morning. It's usually 2 or 3 different ones but this one was new to us. I emailed the company straight away, knowing they wouldn't read it until today but I haven't had a response. Hopefully tomorrow...if they dare contact me.
Yah they are probably all too familiar with the angry customer...probably waiting a couple days before they tread on your water! (or something like that) But don't let them forget... yours and C's needs
Oh Nanna B, what a rotten weekend you've had of one failure after another. Where is this "support system" that's supposed to be so good in this country!!!!!!!! You are such a strong lady and definitely should report that carer, although she doesn't sound much like a carer to me, I think these people forget how the word 'carer' came about as so many of them seem to lack that caring quality.
Hold tight sweet lady, we are all here to support you.
Hi Bev . I have just found my way back in ,. Still not getting any e mails , I have Missed you all . Was worried that things might have got worse for all of you ,
The last time we spoke you were getting in pretty good with having regular carers weren't you .
After having the first company who in the three years sent us 147 different carers . We are now with a much small company .
So far only nineteen different ones ,
It is better though .
That's dreadful to be treated like that Bev Mand poor colin .as if it isn't hard enough for the poorly man .
It's your home they are coming into and you are in control and know best .
Even the proffesional treat us better then that . They listen to us , they rely on what we say .
I do hope it's all sorted now .
I have seriously thought about asking for direst payment but that's something else I have to worry about ,
I have had a further three monthly CHC assessment still waiting the results .
I brought up about kpjohn having a peg fitted. Also possibly boys for the drool . I got mixed feelings about that .
Are you still getting. E mails or do you have to religious in all the time .
I used to get an e mail always which I answered .
Pare u still using a push along joust .
The CHC OT called a few weeks ago she is looking to getting John a better sling . For the ceiling joist and anew commode chair his is too large now his bottom falls through !!!. Also a kirton armchair .
The sling will be a toileting one but not to under his arms , hopefully getting it tomorrow .
It's called a convenience toileting sling. So I can still dress and undress him
Any advice how I can get my e mails to work again please , .
Hi Cabbagecottage. So pleased you are back. I was worried about you and sent you a personal message but was even more worried when I didn't get a reply. I've had a bit of trouble getting emails. Today the broadband disconnected for some reason and then I had to put my hotmail password in which I couldn't remember.
Now you are back on I hope it stays OK.
I'm still using the push hoist and I'm much better controlling it now so think I'll stick with it. Let me know how you get on with the new sling.
Last week Colin had another bad turn. For about 36 hours his breathing was irregular, he was unresponsive and his temperature was really high one minute and ok the next. Fortunately he recovered in time for when the family all came round. We were able to take him to the park and he was awake all the time we were there.
After the Internet blip I now have 15 emails so will have a look at those now.
Hi Bev I hope I am back in again . I had an e mail earlier today .Is the sling you use quite a soft one. . Are you able to roll Colin , , to get the sling far enough down and under his bottom and thighs. I think I know the sort u mean .
Till now I have always used the Oxford access sling It's been great but his arms are outside and it pull under his armpits and stretches his trunk ,
The OT brought one like u have for me to use. It's ok for the carers , but rolling turning him over is too much for me now. . On top of that I couldnt change and clean underneath very easily alone ..
The one she brought today is a glove convenience toileting sling It's good but I find it doesn't incline him enough , he is rolled up in a ball in it , his head flops forward and back bent in .
Where his head comes forward I wouldn't trust some of the carers wouldn't keep hitting his head with the hoist bar .
Maybe I expect too much Bev ,
John. Is small and much smaller now so needs a very small sling .
The OT is going back to the drawing board .
I got John ready this morning before carers came . He can't cope with too much talking and people around him ,, I was expecting the carers and their manager , the OT and rep , along with myself .
It's all too muc for John .
I had the wrong time they came lunchtime .
I have decided to design my own sling lol..
How is colin mentally .
John memory is still very good but on his own terms . He amasses me when he asks me something , I think he isn't listening or even awake alert when obviouosly he is ,
The drooling doesn't help one bit it is stopping him speaking when he is able to do so , .
I am waiting for result of the three month CHC assess where we spoke about Botox for drool and neck .he get severe pain in times . The PEG ..
They are so slow aren't they .
He isnt hydrated anywhere near enough of fed enough .
How are you and colin .,is he any better with having thr peg less stressful maybe .
Do u give it at night or day ..
When I couldn't get on I would have seein if u were on Facebook but didn't know yr surname .
I have missed catching up with everyone . I hope I haven't missed anyone .
How are u coping with this heat . It's killing me I am sure I am starting the change all Ives again , hope not was bad enough the first time . Also been plagued with bites .
I hate complaining about it , it's beautiful bug the house is full on sun . Nate care ..x
Hi Cabbagecottage, It's good to see your mail is working still. Colin's sling is a Silvalea fast fit deluxe sling. It's made from airtex material so is light and comfortable. When he is in the sling I can get to his bottom as it is exposed. I do have to roll him but with the air mattress, I can get it under him easily.
Colin doesn't speak at all now apart from very occasionally he says yes, but never to me. I think his memory is ok as he will move his thumb if I ask him things starting with" do you remember?" But there is no real way of knowing. It sounds as if you had a lot of visitors today.
I'm the same as you....very tasty, I have bites as well. They drive me crazy at night even with anti histamine pills and cream. Our house is quite cool inside so I've been avoiding the hottest part of the day but the bugs wait for me to go out in the evening.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Respite but not respite
Our caregiver is not a morning person
